Everytime I think I am going to stop bleeding, I don't.  Everytime I think the last of the painful cramps have left me, one more seems to find me.  Today when I was taking care of cleaning myself up - I think the reality of what I lost hit me.  I have no doubt now that it was indeed a miss.  An early miss, but a miss.  And that makes me really sad.

Logic lets me know that there is a reason for that.  Something was not right.  Something was not healthy.  The right little soul wasn't ready for me yet.  I can live with that.  I can accept that.  But it still saddens me and I miss the little person that could have been.  I miss the priveldge of feeling her grow inside me.

But I am certain now, financial aside, that I want one more.  I feel like that there is still one more little person that is to find their way to the family Lee.  I think Ben is going to give in anyway and it won't be too long before he is ok with it.  I think he just needs time to see that his company's merger is going to be ok.

I do thank God for the two most amazing kiddos that I have.  And if I never do have any more, I am still so VERY blessed.  But I have faith that if we are meant to be a family of 5, then it will happen. 

With that said, healthy and happy vibes to all my family and friends.  And to my preggo friends, I am truly happy for you all and wish you the happiest and healthiest 9 months and the happiest and healthiest babies as well!