My Maw beat the crap out of me so I'm gonna beat the crap outta my kids. Dang, I turned out ok... WTF?

I am so sick of people trying to rationalize why it is ok that they can't control their own anger and try to convince others that it is for the best interest of the child when they smack them or worse. BULL SHIT. Unless you kid is about to walk into a highway of traffic - there is rarely a time that hitting is for the good of the kid. It is cause the parent is pissed off.

For me and Ben, hitting is NOT an option. But I know some parents do use an occasional smack on the bottom. If it works for them, I am not going to cast stones. But I can not think of any good reason to put hot sauce on your kid's tongue, wash their mouth out with soap, beat them with a belt, and WTF is up with beating kids w/ wooden spoons????? Please explain what that does for your kid?

Have there been times that I have been frustrated. You betcha. Have I had to give myself a time out to get myself together. Again, you betcha. Do I have all the answers, no freaking way. But I do try to come up with solutions that help me discipline when I have to and at the same time not crush my kid's spirits. My daughter is 2 and a half. She is supposed to be testing the limits. This is normal. It is my job to teach her what is acceptable, not beat the crap out of her and crush her spirit and self esteem. I want her to question the limits. I want her to be a thinker. And then there is my son, who is 8 mths today. What is there to discipline? He is a freaking baby. I am teaching him the word NO, but at 8 mths, he doesn't have the memory to really get it yet.

When you have had to watch your kid on life support, not sure if they were going to live, it reminds you how precious life is. For me, it reaffirmed even more that I would NEVER raise a hand to my kids. It's not that they don't drive me bonkers on occasion, but I THANK GOD EVERY DAY for them - even when they make me bonkers. I would die a million deaths before harming a hair on their head. And my husband feels the same way.

Parenting is hands on and requires a lot a patience and love. It is not for everybody. You know, to adopt a pet from the pound, you have to fill out an application and they often need referals and do backround checks. It's harder to adopt a pet than to be a parent. Isn't that ashame?

If you don't like what I am saying, then go beat yourself in the head with a wooden spoon until you forget or maybe some hot sauce in your eyes to blind you from my words... but this is my blog and this is my opinion.

was busy tonight, but I made $115.00! WOO HOO! It is easy though and everyone is nice. I do miss the kiddos a lot, but it is nice to get a break. They have asked me to work this Thurs. night too. And too boot, I had a few customers compliment me to the boss. I guess after years of restaurant management, I can still walk the walk as a server - only w. out the stress! lol!

Off to bed. Will try to blog more tomorrow!

So the past few nights the kids have both been getting up. I think Kit is teething and has a cough from swallowing too much saliva and his mind is on the go-go cause he just started crawling. He would get up and just not want to go back to sleep. And by the time he finally was sleep, Sam woke up from all the noise. She's never easy to get to sleep under the best of circumstances. So if I said that I have gotten 4 hours of sleep the past few nites - that would be looking on the bright side.

In light of my lack of sleep, I was on a mission last night. Both kids were going to sleep at a reasonable time and I was going to bed early. Kit acually went along with my plan and was soundly sleeping in his crib by 8 pm. Then there was Sam, who had other plans. She did not want to go to sleep. I should have just brought her up to her bed, but she can be so darned cute when she wants to stay up. So I was bad and let her fall alseep on the sofa with me. It must have been 10:30 pm when Ben carried her to her bed.

As the thunder storms started, Ben and I packed off to bed - even though I was very tempted to chat with my friends online - and we were tucked up by 11:15 pm. The thunder and lightening were quite grand but also noisy and woke up Kit. I went into Kit's room and brought him into bed and nursed him back to sleep. The thunder got so loud that it made me jump a few times, but neither of my guys noticed as they slept next to me. Both father and son slept on. I decided that Kit most of woke the first time cause he was hungry and that I was safe to bring him back to his crib. At this point it was around 11:45 pm.

The air conditioner had finally cooled the room down and the ceiling fan was gently circulating the air as I tucked up in bed with cool cotten sheets against my skin. I was nodding off when I heard the loudest crash of lightening I ever heard. In that split second, we lost all power. My air conditioner was no longer blowing nor can I feel cool air on my face and the entire house was filled with darkness.

Sam does not like the dark, so I was quick to make my way to a flash light. I went down stairs to grab two cell phones that we have that have flash lights in them. I put on of the lights in Sam's room and the other in the hall. As I crawled back onto bed, I felt the room get hotter as Ben snored away. After awhile Kit woke up cause he was hot and cranky. I nursed him again and then rocked him back to bed, which he slept for a whole 20 mins. We repeated this for about an hour. Suddenly I thought to cool him down by sponging him with a cool wash cloth. That made him very dozy and I was able to get him back to sleep for awhile.

By 2:00 am I called the electric company and was informed that they know of the problem but it was going to be awhile before we had power. It felt like my house got hotter as my blood pressure started to rise. Logically I knew that it was no one's fault - we lost power due to a storm - but it seemed unfair that this was the second time in two weeks that we were with out power for a significant time. Wasn't it someone else's turn???? I thought it wise to open all the windows hoping for a nice breeze that some time accompanies summer storms. No such luck, the air was stagnant, but I kept the windows open anyway.

Shortly after I got off the phone with the electric compnay. the baby woke again. This time there was no getting him back to sleep. I tried nursing, rocking, damp wash clothe...and everything I could think off and nothing worked. Luckily he wasn't screaming, just restless, so I let him go. He finally fell asleep by 3:00 am and I passed out - hot and sticky - yet Ben snored on! And luckily so did Samantha.

At 4:30 I woke again when the still, hot silence stirred with noise. To my delight, the power was back on. I got up and shut all the windows I had opened and quickly turned back on the air conditioners. I shut my eyes as fast as possible and went to sleep.

The kids decided that 6:30 am would be a great time to wake up, so here I sit again with a bad night's sleep. I am so insanely tired...I pray that the kiddos decide to take a nap at the same time so I can sneak one in too.

Kit also has been very clingy and want me to hold him ALL the time and then tries to crawl up me, so I took this moment while he's being distracted by Samantha to blog a bit. With being so freaking tired, I haven't had much time or energy to do anything just for me. It's been all about the kiddos and coffee and the kiddos and more coffee and the kiddos and even more coffee. Have I said how much I have been drinking coffee lately?

So the mantra for today is as follows... kids nap together, no more power loss, coffee. Can you say it wit mer? Kids nap together, no more power loss, coffee...

and have not blogged... I could list many excuses, but instead, I choose to just blog...

Started my p/t job last nite. Very nice people, easy work, friendly boss and decent money. I made 70 bucks for 4 hours worth of work. Yeay! I will be doing 1 day a week until Sept and then I will be doing 2. It was hard leaving the kiddos, but I knew they were in good hands. Once I got there though, it was nice just being Wendy for awhile and although I had responsibilites, there aren't really hard - especially after being mom 24/7 for the past 2.5 years. It was nice to be on my own for a little and even better to get paid for it!

Ben said the kids were fine until bed-time. After he put Sam to bed, he heard her get out and he found her in our bedroom, crying at our window, "Where's momma...come home momma..." And she refused to go back to bed. So Ben let her fall asleep on the sofa. So when I got home, I carried her up to bed and cuddled with her for awhile. Then Kit woke up and I got to nurse him. I was happy to get home and spend time with each of the kiddos.

On Sunday we went to Sheri's house and what a blast! Sheri and Don had so much yummy food - I don't think I stopped eating all day! Joanne & Frank were there with the kiddos too. We missed the rain, so we were able to swim. The kids all played SOOOO well with each other and it was nice to just hang out with the adults. :) Their house is beautiful. with a nice back yard and lovely neighbors (moo cows!). Sheri looks great and has lost a lot of weight and sent me home with many clothes that no longer fit her. I told her that I am bringing her whenever I have to go clothes shopping cause she finds really great stuff! Now my closest has lots of cool clothes in it instead of the usual crappy clothes - lol!

Kit fought me on getting to sleep tonight. So I had to let the poor thing CIO a little. I hated to do it, but nothing else was working. And there gets a point where they cry no matter what you do, I felt myself losing patience, so I figured if he's going to scream anyway, it may as well be in his bed. After 20 mins, he fell asleep. Does that make me a horrible mother?

And poor Sam lost out on her mommy time cause I was up and down with Kit so much before letting him CIO. So I let her fall asleep on my lap and now she is sleeping on the sofa.

I haven't been on the boards, IM, or anywhere. Just call me loser-head, but the time is just flying by and I can't seem to catch up and I am so gawd awful tired. More later as the saga I call my life goes on...

August 12th 2002 - to the ER with Sam cause she was sick and when we called the nurse, she thought Sam was having seizures...

August 12th 2003 - Sam had her accident and off the hospital for emergency surgery and then the PICU...

August 12th 2004 - Sam spiked a fever of 104 and started projectile vomiting. When we called the nurse, they thought she might be having an allergic reaction to the antiboitic she is on for a UTI, so once again to the ER...

Can I just skip August 12th next year please?

went great. The kids had a blast! But I think Ben and I had the most fun. It was really nice to be able to just celebrate Sam's life. Things almost fell apart beforehand though... The pony lady almost had to cancel and didn't tell me til Sunday. But luckily she didn't cancel.

We had great weather. The kiddos were so cute in their cowboy hats and running around with their hobbie horses. The real pony, Rosey, was really sweet and gentle. I didn't burn the cupcakes! The digital camera's batteries did die, but I had an instant camera, so photos will be coming soon.

Now all we have to get thru is tomorrow. I do feel like that with going to the hospital tomorrow and saying thank you to everyone, that hopefully we will be laying to rest a very hard chapter of our lives and maybe it won't keep haunting us so much. There are no words to decribe the horror of what happened... but on the same token, we have so much to be grateful for. I am hoping that this coming year, will be the year of gratefulness...the year to rejoice!

A friend of mine works are a very laid back restaurant and makes decent money. They are willing to hire for 1 or 2 nights and it looks like I may get to work Tues and Weds. nights for a few hours making between 50 and 100 dollars. Ben will be home with the kiddos both nights.

I am torn between being very excited and sad. I am excited cause it would be nice to bring in a little extra cash for Sam's nursery school and food shopping. And I am at the point where I wouldn't mind a few hours a week on my own doing un-mom things. But at the same time, I hate the idea of not being with the kids. For the past 2.5 years, I have spent almost every moment with my kids. I can't imagine not being the one to feed them dinner and putting them to bed at night. But I would be ok with it knowing that it was Ben here with them. And I would get home by 9:00 PM most nights.

We can also really use the money. And I'd be just me for a two nights a week... excited, sad, scared, happy, excited, sad, scared, happy, excited, sad, scared, happy, excited, sad, scared, happy....

I had some DEAD BEAT Ebayer win one of my auctions and now is refusing to pay cause she found it some where else cheaper and is being such a nasty bitch about it. If she had asked nicely from the get-go, I probably would have let her off the hook - no problem. But she has been a real A-hole from the start and now I'm going to F with her! I am SOOOO pissed.

And I am going to report her to Ebay after the initiatal 7 days and I am going to write some MEAN feedback. Grrrr....

Being this is the week of Sam's accident, I thought I'd post something that I jotted down one night before about a month before her accident followed by something I wrote a little over a month after her accident...

Before...

Samantha, age 16 mths.

When I put you down to sleep, most nights you cuddle blueberry and are off to sleep. But sometimes, you will cry and when I come to get you, I find you sitting in the middle of your crib, holding blueberry and sobbing. So I pick you up and bring you downstairs with me. I hold you on my lap and we cuddle as we watch TV together. As you get dozy, you start to babble softly and will pet me. I often will tickle you causing you to laugh so hard. It is so sweet. Then when you get really tired, you will lie on me and cuddle blueberry, chewing his tail. You already have chewed all the fur off his tail; you love to bite his tail. Well the other night, for the first time, you offered me blueberry's tail and would put it in my mouth waiting for me to bite it. You patted me with one hand and were putting blueberry's tail in my mouth as you gently fell asleep. It was the most endearing thing I've every witnessed.

Today you picked up my emery board and I went to get it because you usually try to eat it. Well today you didn't try to eat it. You sat down and started trying to file you toenails. It was so funny.

After...

9/23/03. It is way too late and I am very tired, but I can't sleep. Just found out today that Sam needs to go in for another surgery. Her airway is 50% blocked and the kids ENT wants to go in w/ a bronchoscope to see what is going on and to see if she can get rid of any of it. This means that Sam will be put back on a vent and probably paralyzed again. This thought makes me sick. I thought when she was extubated at LVH PICU that meant we were finished with the vents. Maybe I was foolishly idealistic, but I truly believed.

I sat tonight watching her for the longest time while she slept. Although her stridor is loud, she still slept peacefully. She has no idea what is going to happen to her on Weds and I have no way to explain it to her. I know I will find the strength to be what Sam and Ben need me to be, but right now I am feeling fragile. I just don't know if I can go thru this again. It took every bit of strength I had to make it thru her first hospitalization. I truly thought 19 days in PICU was enough. I was wrong. Every time I think we are almost in the clear, something happens to beat me down again.

Sam has been doing so much better at home. Her skin look great and most people can't believe when I tell them how she was burned. She has started walking again with real confidence and even started dancing and trying to jump. She talks a mile a minute (wonder where she gets that from?) and has been so happy. With being put back on the vent, she will once again regress. I just hope this time with it (hopefully) not being as long; she won't lose anything. Last time, Sam woke and didn't even have head control. She was like a 33lb newborn. She had to relearn everything…head control, turning over, sitting up, crawling, and walking. We have made such headway to be set back again. But I also know that she needs to have this done. Her airway will only get worse if it is not addressed and that is unacceptable. Perhaps that will be my strength. My baby needs to breath. This is necessary.

I just pray that this works and that reconstructive repair (that would involve her getting a trach) isn't needed. And vainly, I hope they don't mess up any of her teeth. (I was told today that sometimes that can happen and even though they are baby teeth, I don't want her to lose any yet.)

Well, I'm still not tired, but writing did help a bit, so I am going to try to get some sleep. Sam needs her mommy strong and Christopher needs me to keep myself together so he can continue to grow inside of me. God I hope Sam is better by the time he is born. I just want her to experience being a big sister with out any other crap.

 

Thursday, Ben got home on time and we left on time to meet my cousins at Knoebles. We made it to the bank and were on the highway rearing to go. There wasn't much traffic and we were cruising nicely. All of a sudden, we saw cars start to slow down and then stop. We figured that we would start moving again soon, but sat without moving for 20 mins. The kids woke up, but we remained hopeful that we would start moving soon. When traffic eventually started to go, we made it a whole 200 feet before we stopped again. I was the driver and I had enough time the second time we stopped to get out, get in the back and nurse Kit before we started moving again. This time we went maybe a half mile. Now several of us got out of our cars and started chatting. We met this nice trucker who CB-ed a friend who was further ahead. We had 4 more miles to get thru. What should have taken us about 1.5 hours ended up taking us 3 hours!

But we finally got there! Yipee!!!! When Sam realized where we were, she started shaking her hands, "Sam so excited! Look at the rides! Sam's rides!" We got everything together and were off! Once inside the park, we went to call my cousins and low and behold, no cell phone service! One of the first rides we saw was the Ferris Wheel, so we decided to go on as a family. Well, when we were at the top of the wheel, I got 4 bars. So I timed my call the second time around the wheel and as quickly as I could say, "We're here, but have no cell service...We are at the Ferris Wheel...," and we lost cell service again. My phone then rang and I saw it was my cousins number, but I had no signal strength to answer it.

We decided that we were going to wander to the kids area and see if we could find them. As it turned out, although it wasn't crowded, there were still LOTS of people and we realized that the chances of finding them were small. So we started taking Sam on kiddie rides.

Knoebles has one of the fastest wooden rollercoasters in the world and I REALLY wanted to go on it. I told Ben that if I could just ride it once, then he could make all the decisions for the rest of the day. He laughed. As we started walking toward it, Sam saw a big girl ride that she wanted to go on. It starts out going round but then gradually lifts up, almost like a Ferris Wheel, but you whip around to the side. She was tall enough, so Ben took her on. Poor thing buried her head in his lap, but she didn't cry. When she got off, we asked her if she was ok. (Looking back on it, we should have just said no.) She said the ride was too noisy and we needed to go on a quiet one. And then was leading us to the Merry-Go-Round. She is such an independant little thing.

We went in the haunted house as a family before heading back toward the Rollercoaster. The kids and I laughed the whole time, but Ben got startled at a few things! Too funny! Sam, Kit and Ben watched me when we finally made it to the Rollercoaster. OMG! It was sooooo fun. It went sooooo fast and had lots of drops. After Sam saw me when I was done, she said she was going on and started to march over to the line. This time we said no. Well don't you know, as we were getting ready to go back to the kiddie rides, we found my cousins! How lucky is that?

Their daughter, J, and Kit were fascinated with each other and sat face to face in their strollers for 10 minutes just poking at each other's faces. Too cute! We then went on a choo choo train together. My cousin's wife's family (got that?) was there too and between all of us, we filled half the train! After the train, we went on a balloon ride, that looked to be mild, but made me a Ben nauseas. I guess the spinning that doesn't bother you as a kid, does catch up to you....

Baby Kit decided that he wanted no more time in the stroller, so I put him in the Baby Bjorn. Well he started kicking his legs and screaming and yelling in delight. He was babbling to every person we passed. I wish I could have known what was going on in the little guy's mind!

Knoebles had boats that you can stear and they were a lot of fun. Sam and J were both himming and hawing as we waited in line. They are sooooo alike. Sam got to stear the boat and we crashed into the walls many, many times. The boat behind us, over took us and we roared laughing! That is not suppose to happen, but that's what we get when we let a 2 year old drive, LOL!

We ate and hung out. Sam was hand feeding J Dipping Dots. They were so funny. Then both girls were sticking their hands and eating the Dipping Dots together. Later, I was trying to discreetly change Sam's training pants, when she ran our for a moment, naked from the waist down! Everyone around laughed. It was a really nice day. The time flew. Before we knew it, the sun had set and it was 9:30 PM. When we passed the Ferris Wheel again, heading to the car. Sam said that Momma and Cousin B had to go on the Big Wheel with her and we had to ride in a pink car. So B and I got in line with Sam and she asked the man who ran the rides for a pink car. When we were going on the ride, Sam was trying to touch the moon and stars. She then wanted to sit on my lap and nuzzled her head on my shoulder, "Sam tired momma. Sam's a baby Sam." Both she and Kit were exhausted.

By the time we had left the parking lot, both kids had passed out. I stopped to get a giant coffee for the ride and shortly after, Ben fell asleep too. So I put in The Smiths followed by The Cranberries for my ride home. Luckily the ride home was only 1.5 hours!

All and all, it was a really fun day.

Today was a nice day. We went to my friend's house for lunch. I was bad and had a piece of pizza. Bad carbs, bad! But it was very thin crust and I was very hungry. There are three moms. We each have a kid that is 2 and we all have little baby boys that are w/in 2 mths of each other. Everyone gets along well, so we try to get together once a week.

The year marker of Sam's accident in next Thurs. I have been a mess aobut it - nightmares and stress and just dreading the day. As I fell asleep a few nights ago, I had a brainstorm (I always get my best ideas as I am nodding off, but half the time I go and forget them!). I should not be mourning over this date that approaches, rather I should be celebrating her life and how well she is doing. We don't have any extra money to do anything, but I don't care! I have rented a pony for an hour for the Monday before and I have invited some of Sam's playmates over. I am going to make cupcakes and get juice boxes for the kids. I then got some inexpensive straw coyboy hats and horse heads on a stick for the kiddos. Ben gets paid this Thurs, so I will pay for the pony out of that. Things will get paid off eventually. I have faith in that and besides, Sam LOVES ponies and it will make her so happy. This is about celebrating being given a 2nd chance with our daughter. That is truly priceless.

I wasn't sure what Ben's reaction was going to be when I told him what I had planned (already booked the pony and invited the kids....). He agreed that it is money so well spent. He was also really dreading the year marker of her accident and this was such a positive way to look at it. It gives us something to look forward to and keeps us moving forward instead of getting trapped in the past. So now we are both REALLY looking forward to Monday.

Thursday, which is the actual year marker, we are bringing a cake to the PICU (pediatric intensive care unit) where Sam was. And we are bringing a card to the surgeon who saved Sam. We think they will enjoy seeing her as she is instead of a wrapped up, mummy who lay motionless while on a vent. Those people saved her life and I could never thank them enough for what they did for my little girl and our family. We are going to try to get there for 6 PM so we can catch everyone at the changing of the day shift to night shift.

I am sure I will be writing more about this time last year, so be forewarned.

On a good and different note, we are meeting my cousins tomorrow (the ones we went to the Please Touch Museum with that have the little girl who is one.) and we are going to a kiddie amusement park. It is one of those old fashioned ones that you don't pay to get in, you just buy tickets for the rides you want to go on. It should be a really nice day. We are meeting in the afternoon after the kids all have naps. I really enjoyed spending time with them last time we got together and the kids had a blast.

 

Yesterday we lost power for 8 hours. Can you say the word SUCK? It was sooo freaking hot. I know years ago people did not have electricity; but i am spoiled. Two young kids with no way to cook or keep cold beverages...no A/C...no tv...no music for naps....YIKES!

I had purposely kept Kit up yesteday morning so that he and Sam would nap together. I have been so tired lately and I was hoping to nap w/ them. Well don't you know the bloody power went off just as they were going to sleep and they both woke up to no music in the backround.

I called the elec company and their estimated time for the problem to be fixed was sometime that night. So I threw a few things in the car and put the kids in and started to drive. I figured I'd drive for awhile to let them nap. While driving, I decided to head to my parents. They have extra room and if the power didn't come back on, there is a crib there for Kit. Sam and I could share a bed. It would leave poor Ben at home, but he'd have to deal. Besides, he was in the A/C at work yesterday.

Of course once I drove the 2 hours to my parents, I realized that I left so much crap at home. So when our power did come back on at 8 PM last night, I packed the kids back up and went home. Well of course I drank too much freaking coffee and had to pee every 20 mins. What a pain in the butt it was to get the kids in and out over and over cause my stupid bladder is the size of a pea. Then Sam decided she was hungry, so I had to stop to get her something. Then later on Kit wants to be nursed, so I have to stop again to give him the boob! It took about 4 freaking hours to get home! A total of 6 hours for the day. And a good part of it was with screaming, grumpy children. ACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!

So needless to say, today I am just beat. On that note, the kids are sleeping and I am going to do the same. I feel like my eyes are rolling back into my skull.

Both the kiddos thought it was a GREAT idea to wake up this morning at 4:45 AM and then agreed that neither wanted to nap more than 30 mins. So needless to say, I had 2 VERY grumpy children who didn't do much except whine and cry the later part of the day. I do not want to jinx myself, but I think I may have FINALLY gotten them to sleep.

Ben has to work late today. Yesterday his boss asked him to pull a double cause a co-worker's best friend's mom died (got that?) and she wanted to go be with the friend. Ben called me and asked me if I minded. Of course I said no. Well today he found out that the girl really went down the shore (to everyone else, that is the Jersey Beach) and her story was crap. Now I am pissed! (at the girl, not Ben) I don't mind not seeing him or having the kids not see him for something important, but I do mind when she lies to get the night off. Grrrr...

Sam decided today that she wanted a cowboy hat, so we went to Walmart and got a cheap one for a few bucks. When she got home, she took Kit's horse head that is on a stick and starting riding him while wearing her cowboy hat. At first she was screaming HEE HAW, SAM A COWBOY and then she started singing the Madeline song still while riding the horse around the dining room. (I'm Madeline, I'm Madeline and though I'm very small. I'm Madeline, I'm Madeline and inside I'm tall!)

Baby Kit has been very clingy. Everytime I put him down, he cries. When Sam was a baby, she would go to anyone. So, I am not used to it. I love that he loves me so, but sometimes I'd like to be able to pee alone, lol! But he is the sweetest boy and his smile just melts my heart. He also has started crawling backwards. Not a lot, just a step or two, but then flops and gets mad cause whatever he is trying to get, gets farther from his reach.

I did just catch up on some friends blogs before writing today. Both Suzanne and Emily made me laughing out loud and I needed that! Speaking of blogs, have you ever pulled up random ones. I have and boy, most only have one or two entries or are written by some teenager who loves to spell weird. I want the juicy ones. (Must live vicariously now...)

I have thought about what I am going to write my next book about, but I am not going to elaborate...yet. Ideas are still swarming around my little brain. It will be harder than before, but I think it will be better.

Peace and quiet, yeay. And Big Brother is on tonight, Hope that annoying Holly gets kicked to the curb.

And what the heck happened to my Weather Pixie? I've noticed everyone' is down. Boo hiss Weather Pixie people. Grrr...

I think it is very funny (not really funny) that men can be insensitive jerks sometimes and hurt their wife's/girlfriend's/partner's feelings and not act like they have done anything wrong. Yet, it you dare touch their electronic equipment or toys they pitch a real hissy fit. Priorities, right?

I also missed the part of the wedding ceremony where the bride to be is informed that wife is synonomus with hired help, only with out the pay.

Don't worry...I am still in-love but I am NOT in-like at this particular moment. And since my frustration is falling on deaf ears, I am going to complain in my blog cause it is my freaking blog.

Whew! I needed that. Maybe now I can go to sleep.

 

Samantha...

The first two days that Sam went to camp last week were great. She went right in and had a blast. By the third day, she realized that Ben and I left. Then ensued the crying. We hid until she stopped and then she started to play and it was fine. The rest of the week she was home.

This week when camp started on Monday, she cried as soon as we got there. We let her take Bay (her lovey blue elephant) with her, but she still cried for about 30 mins. She was fine the rest of the day. Today she also cried, harder than normal. The teacher said that she sat by the window for awhile saying, "want mama, want dada..." (*cry*: break my heart...) But by the time we came to pick her up, she was running and chasing the other kids. (Sam is the youngest in the class...) Well later today, she actually said that she wanted to go to camp tomorrow cause it is a "good time" and it's ok cause "mama and dada go away but then mama and dada come back again!" I was SOOOO happy to hear her say that. :) She understands that even when we go away, that we always come back! Yipee!!!! And now I am feeling much more confident about her going to nursery school 2 half days a week in the fall.

Christopher...

My poor boy is constipated. Ouch! He hasn't really pooped more than a pellet here, a blob there for almost a week. I know babies can go that long, but I can tell he in uncomfortable. None of the usual tricks are working...pear juice, bicycle legs... So today I gave him a little baby colace and he finally passed some gas. (Loud farts for such a little guy!) I hope that means the poop is on it's way. Only for your kids can you actually want to wipe a dirty butt! I never was so interested in things coming out of the body before I had kids, lol.

We were off doing errands and on the way home, there was a heritage fair going on in our town. Some roads were closed, so we had to take an alternate way home. That is when I saw a big sign saying PONY RIDES. So, I rolled down my window and I asked how much. The man replied, "Two bucks." Sam's eyes got real wide when I asked her if she wanted to ride a rock-rock pony. See, every night I tell her a story about how she, Kit and I go to a big field and ride rock-rock ponies.

So we pulled over and my little monkey got to ride! The only camera I had was in my phone, so the pictures are a little shotty, but at least I was able to take some! I was wearing Kit in the Baby Bjorn and he watched Sam ride. He was pumping his arms and kicking his legs! Poor baby wanted a ride too! I let Sam go a few times before it was time to go. She did NOT want to leave, I think she would have stayed all day. So I finally convinced her that the ponies needed to take a nap and we quickly left and went home.

Here are the pics!

 

for getting out my frustration w/ my sister. Nothing is really resolved although now she is not coming up at all. Thank you everyone who listened to me bitch and moan and thanks for all the great advice. I really do appreciate it. :)

Well we took the cat to the vet and the cat is physically healthy. Yeay! The vet thinks it is all behavioral. He said that some cats just have more of a preditory instinct. So he suggested that we buy a toy that she can hunt (feathers on a string) and play w/ her 3 times a day for 5 mins or so. He said that very well could get rid of a lot of her aggresion w/ us. He said she may never be a social cat outside the family, but I can live w/ that.

The next step would be doing blood work and putting her on anxiety medicine. Don't know if a medicated labotomy is what we want to do, but we are hoping the play therapy will work. I am glad our pet sitter suggested calling our vet. Fingers crossed for Kitcat!

SAM CAMP UPDATE...She did great again!!!!!! My big girl!!!!!!! And I got another HUGE hug when I picked her up.

KIT NEWS...He slept thru the WHOLE night w/out getting up - even to nurse. My big boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My babies are growing stronger and more independant each day.

WACK-A-DOODLE SISTER... I sent her a nice email simply stating that I can not travel like that alone w/ two kids, but she is more than welcome to come here. We will see..

Stay tuned...

OTHER NEWS...Sam did GREAT today at camp. When I picked her up, she leaped into my arms with a giant, "MAMA" and the biggest hug. I loved that!!!! She said she had a really good time, but has also mentioned that she was sad w/ no mama and dada. So we will see how she does tomorrow....

and came home early from work! I was upstairs putting Kit down for a nap when I heard Sam say, "Dada home." As I came down the stairs I was telling Sam that Dada was still at work and then I stopped short because there was Ben!

Sat. is usually a 12 hour day for him and Sunday is also long, so I do not see him much over the weekend typically. Today he convinced a co worker to stay for him so he could surprise us. He was home by 5pm!!!!!

We got to eat dinner as a family and then even went swimming before it was time to put the kiddos to bed. There were some granola holes at the pool who were throwing balls and causing trouble in the shallow end, but this really nice lifeguard told them to stop it. One of the people causing the trouble was a parent. And then she kept giving me the eye cause before the lifeguard came over, I had told them to quit it cause we had small kids. A few balls had almost hit me and Kit. They ignored me until the lifeguard came over. Real trash I tell ya. But after they left, the pool was great and it made the kids really sleepy so when we got home they went right to sleep.

Ben and I FINALLY got to watch the end of Kingdom Hospital...what a weird series, but it was good, just strange. Now if we get to watch Stargate Atlantis w/in the week, I will be really happy.

Tomorrow is another long day for Ben, but then we are into Monday and Tuesday - his days off! Sam starts camp on Monday and goes for 3 half days this week. Yeay! Sigh! Both! I think she will do great and I think Ben and I will be a mess, lol!

And Ben is taking the cat to the vet on Tues. to talk about her aggressive behavior after attacking Sam. I had called my pet sitter to ask her take on Kitcat. She said that she has definately feels the cat is waaaaay more aggresive now. She said when she first sat for us 2 years ago, she could pet the cat. Now she says she has to watch her back cause she feels like if she didn't that the cat would try to bite her. She did suggest taking the cat to the vet incase there is something physical. We have decided to go w/ an open mind. If it is physical, then it depends on the money to fix it. I know that sounds horrid, but I am not going to shell out huge amounts of money that I do not have. And if it is just behavioral and nothing can be done, then Ben and I have a hard decision to make. Because the cat HATES everyone except me, Ben & the kids, it would make her unlikely to be adopted..but do we give her back to the SPCA or have her put down? And now that she is attacking the kids (she clawed Sam's face like she was mousing her and Sam has a cut on the bridge of her nose less than an 8th of an inch from her eye. All Sam did was put her head on the ground near the cat - she wasn't being a pest.) Not looking forward to hard decisions, but I am not willing to have my kids mauled especially w/ Kit soon to be crawling.

But as usual, it

NEVER seem to get the weather right. I have never seen a profession that gets it's job WRONG so often; yet, still has a job. What's up with that?!

The weather forecast for my area for the NEXT ten days is either partly cloudy or party sunny (aren't they the same thing???) with with a 30 percent chance of showers and thunderstorms this afternoon. WTF? Can't they even change the percentage a fraction, just to make it interesting????

And even then, they are wrong. This past Monday, we were meeting my cousins at the zoo in Philly. This time the weather said light showers, mostly sunny. Can I tell you it rained 13 inches in some places!!!!! Luckily, we all had cells and as we approached the monsoon, we changed plans and went to the Please Touch Museum (btw, GREAT place for kids! We had a really great time w/ my cousins. Jayna and Sam are one year apart and are like 2 little peas in a pod. Very cute, but once again, I digress...). Due to the horrid weather, what should have taken 1.5 hours to get home took over 3! And it was after the long ride that we found Kit's faux chicken pox and ran him to our family doc.

I think an old lady with arthritis would have a better chance of predicting the weather based on her aches and pains. Or maybe I should flip a coin? But I am sick of these weather people! And even worse, after they have it wrong, they have to interupt my tv shows to tell me for an hour that it is raining. No granola, really - you mean that is what the wet stuff is falling from the sky? Gee, so glad they told me, I'd never know - after the flim flam fact!

Ok, done ranting....

I am always trying to make the most w/ our space. We decided to make our dining room, the play room. Everything in there is for the kids w/ the exception of my oak breakfront. It is filled with personal valuable things...some are emotional value where others are monitary value. My nice china is underneath along with my baby book, some candles and a few Strawberry Shortcake toys that are from when I was little so they are now collectables. In fact, the bottom shelf of my breakfront is filled with the original dolls. I purposely did that while pregnant with Sam, once I found out she was a girl. I knew she'd love looking at the dolls and want to play with them. I planned even then on telling her that they were "Mama's dolls...", secretly knowing that I have every intention on giving them to her when she is old enough.

It's funny, but little by little the kids take over the house. When trying to straighten up for the zillionth time today. I realized that my whole house was a playroom. It's my fault cause I let a few toys in the kitchen for meals and I recently moved Kit's toychest into the living room. Once that was in place, his books followed and then the exersaucer and walker. I knew which toys are Sam's and which are Kit's but to the kids, it made no difference. Toys were toys. I missed some grown up space and that is when I decided it was time to rearrange.

Together our living room and dining room make a large rectangle. At the end of room, opposite of the front door, our staircase is open as it goes up. I have pictures of the kids, one for each month of the first year of their life, going up the back wall of the stairs. The rooms are seperated by old colums that have a little shelf between the column and the wall. I have the computers now by the front door and moved the sofa so it sections off the computer and faces into the dining room and at the wall of the kid's photos that goes up the staircase. I then moved all the kids things into the one room and reorganized.

The kitchen I just straightened and brought the toys. Being that it is a kitchen, there is not much rearranging to do, unless I want to dive into my cabinets and needless to say, I don't.

Christopher... has cut another tooth. He is getting so big, so quickly, it freaks me out. He is such a little man now. He slept A LOT today. Being that he hasn't gotten anymore spots, I am confident that he does not have the pox and just had some viral thing. He has no fever and it eating, so I think it is either the teething that made him sleep so much or another growth spurt. He has also been nursing NON STOP. He slept with me most of the night last night, but I really don't mind that.

Samantha... is such a lovely girl. Aside from her temper tantrum that she threw cause she didn't want me brushing her teeth, that is. She was sitting on the sofa after I moved it and called for me to come over. Patting the seat in front of her she tells me to sit. She opens her little legs so I can sit in front of her. She then hugs my back and says, "love you mama." And then started to lightly trace her fingers up and down my back like I do for her when she is sleepy. I just melted. I just love my little girl so much! She is usually so busy, on the go, that when she is affectionate like that, it just fills my heart.

Well Kit hasn't gotten many more spots, so we are still waiting to see if they get scabbed or not. I feel better because if it is the pox, it looks like it will be a mild case and the more time that goes by, lends to it being some funky viral thing. I am SOOOOO relieved.

Ben says I worry too much. But I think as a mother, you do worry about your kids. I feel that it is my responsibilty to make sure that they are happy and healthy - and to do everything in my power to ensure that. I know that I can't protect them and shield them from life, but I certainly can worry. I think after Sam's accident, much worrying may just be something that I do now when it concerns the kids. I figure as long as I am aware of it and do not let it impede their life, then it is ok. I mean, after going thru that, there is sure to be some battle scar afterwards...

Today we painted with the kids on the lawn. We used carboard to support our paper, brought out a bunch of Crayola (kid safe paint), brushes and things to make textures. We dressed both the kids in diapers and paint smocks. Kit loved the feel of paint and Sam made many "masterpieces." It was a really fun time had by all. After we were finished, we put on the sprinkler and Sam ran thru it naked before we took her and Kit up for a hot bath.

Now the kids are rammy, so I am off to help Ben get them to bed.

and I am so pissed!!!! Why would anyone bring their kid out when they are sick like that? (Would I get in trouble for slapping the granola out of the kid's parents?) But maybe it is just some viral weird thing...(fingers crossed...) Needless to say, we are homebound until we know what is up. See, I am not a hyporcrite.

Hyp"o*crite, n. [F., fr. L. hypocrita, Gr. ? one who plays a part on the stage, a dissembler, feigner. See Hypocrisy.] One who plays a part; especially, one who, for the purpose of winning approbation of favor, puts on a fair outside seeming; one who feigns to be other and better than he is; a false pretender to virtue or piety; one who simulates virtue or piety.

hypocrite

n : a person who professes beliefs and opinions that they do not hold [syn: dissembler, phony, phoney]

I am very glad to say that My friendsARE NOT HYPOCRITES. It seems to me that at PP hypocrisy rules cause it is obvious that's what good for the goose is NOT good for the gander.

I have often felt, but not said except to Ben, that PP only wants you post fluffy, p.c things. I have gotten my hands slapped more than once when I dared to post what I really thought when it went against the nice, nice thing to say.

Blog [a.k.a. blogger -or- blogrolling -or- weblog -or- Web log -or- blogosphere] A blog is basically a journal that is available on the web. The activity of updating a blog is "blogging" and someone who keeps a blog is a "blogger." Blogs are typically updated daily using software that allows people with little or no technical background to update and maintain the blog. Postings on a blog are almost always arranged in chronological order with the most recent additions featured most prominantly.

Note it says, JOURNAL not board. And it says the writer is BLOGGING not posting. It seems obvious to me that a blog is much more personal. I guess being that it is on the internet makes it public, but in a private sense. The contents of someone's blog does not belong on a public board unless the blogger themself is posting it.

This obviously is MY opinion, but after all, THIS IS MY BLOG and I make no apologies for it.

I know that I have always believed in God, even when it bothered me that I did not understand God. When Samantha was in the hospital last summer, I really found comfort in God and prayer. And the prayers that people selflessly gave to us, gave me such strength when I had nothing left. To me, I don't care what God is called by anyone, God, Jesus, Budah, Allah... I figure that he/she doesn't mind diversity being that God has so many names.

My father comes from a Catholic family and my mom comes from a Jewish family. We never went to religious school until we were older. I was 15 when we joined a reformed Synagogue and I was confirmed. (I liked that cause it was a very theological class...) I then got very involved w/ my youth group and I LOVED it. My family always celebrated both the Christian and Jewish holidays when I was a kid. But as I got older and went on my own, I still believed in God, but wasn't very religious. I pretty much celebrated Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Halloween as well as the patriotic holidays.

I have always liked the basics of things like Wicca and Paganism cause I feel close to the Earth and I find something about nature and the miracles of it, very spiritual and magical. But they offer no organized religion and the few organizations tend to be filled w/ wierdos. (No offense meant, but I haven't found any normal ones...)

Ben's father's family escaped Czech (sp?) during WWII. The were Jews on the run from the Nazi's. They made their way to the UK. Ben's grandfather went back to Czech while his grandmother and father stayed in England. She changed her last name and they joined a Protestant church. Ben's mother was also raised Protestant, but I don't think that they really practiced anything while Ben was growing up. Ben said that his parents taught him about many religions, but they didn't practice anything.

I have been on the fence for a long time about organized religion, especially after having children. I want them to have that feeling of belonging and I would love to have them involved w/ youth group.

My neighbor's Church is very nice and the Pastor is a sweetheart, but they believe in spreading the word, so to speak, and recruiting people. I can't in good conscious do that. By nature I am not one that likes to impose my opinion unless I am asked.

There is a nice conservative Synagogue where Sam will going to nursery school (the nursery school is actually non denominational) but they are pretty strict conservative and don't recognize interfaith marriages. Well since we have had interfaith marriages in both my and Ben's family for several generations now, that won't work.

With our diverse backround, nothing too strict will work. I want my children to know, appreciate and respect all of their diversity. I think would like to teach them about all of the holidays that our family has and celebrate them all. (Boy will the kids make out w/ both Chanukah and Christmas...) I want to be able to hang my Christmas lights and decorations, but also have a menura if I want. I mean, God is still God.

So my problem is what the heck are we? See to me God isn't Jesus, Budhah or Allah, God is just God. But I respect what other people call God and what is important to them.

I have found a reformed Synagogue that shares it's building w/ a church who'd building burnt down. They recognize interfaith marriages and they do several interfaith programs with the church that uses their buildings. They seem pretty laid back, so I guess I am leaning toward that. It's just such a big decision for me.

Ben thinks I am nuts cause he would be happy w/ teaching our kids about different religions like he learned as a kid. But I know I need something more. I need to have that connection and belief that their is something, someone bigger than me. That there are just things beyond my control and that I can have faith that it all works out the way that it should. It was that faith that got me thru last summer and w/out that, I do not know if I would have come out the other side of hell so well. There are no words to describe what it was like when Sam was in the hospital. It was like a vat of darkness that kept getting deeper and darker. I tend not to talk about that time, but there is not a day that goes by that my stomach does't turn and my heart fill w/ dread as I think about her accident. I know it is even worse for Ben. Thank heaven Sam has absolutely no recollection. But, I digress...my orignal point is that I want organized religion in our lives. So this is where I am on this front...

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 I am so excited and proud of myself! If there are instructions on how to use this, I haven't found them. By fooling around with my settings and our paint program, I was able to get my blog looking more like the way I want it too.

Today we took the kids swimming before Ben went to work. Sam is doing so well. She can actually doggie paddle w/ no help (except her swimmies). We still stay very close at hand anyway. Christopher likes to splash and when I hold him, chase Ben and Sam and he finds that hysterical. All of us laugh a lot.

We have decided to send to day camp for 2 half weeks (M-W 9:30 to 12:30). We checked it out and Sam LOVED it and would have gladly stayed then and there. It is for kids age 2-5. There are 20 kids w/ 2 teachers and several assistants. Each week has a theme. Sam will be there for Bugs, bugs, bugs, which is perfect for her cause SHE loves collecting bugs w/ her daddy (yuck) and she will be there for Olympic Games week. The teachers know that Sam has to wear a hat and will also apply sun screen to her half way thru the morning. We obviously will apply some before she goes as well.

They also have a preschool and a class for 2 year olds. They will assist w/ potty training. The class for school is 12 kids to 2 teachers. Each kid gets one-on-one as far as their skills go and the class focuses on socialization and is flexible to suit each students needs. Ben and I both feel that Sam would flourish in a setting like that, so we signed her up. It is $75.00 a month for 2 days a week - which is reasonable. We really can't afford it, but when it comes to our kids, we want them to have every advantage. We both rather sacrifice somewhere then to short change them. I haven't figured out where in our budget I will get this monthly, but I have faith that it will work out. Things always seem to work out. So I try not to stress. Don't get me wrong, I am not loving it when it is time for me to do bills each month, but whatcha gonna do? Anyway, I beleive that if you try to be a good person and do good things, then goodness comes back to you. So far, my faith has not let me down. Everytime something really granola-ee happens, something good ends up happening too. So I figure with money, we obviously have to be smart and plan, but we just can't let it rule us. And Ben and I both agree that I will be home with the kids for now. For our family, that is the right thing. And who knows, maybe Ed McMahon will come by sometime and give me a million or two...I'd take it!

While Sam is doing her big girl things *sigh, cry*, I will do something special w/ Christopher. It will be nice to be able to give him the one-on-one time that I was able to w/ Samantha.

While going thru my pics for my blog, I found that there aren't many of me and Ben. In our pre-baby days, we always would take a pic of ourselves (holding the camera out and shooting it blindly) when doing stuff. Post kids, we stopped doing that, unintentionally and I am so mad at us! When I told Ben that we have forgotten to do it, he was cross about that too. So we are going to make sure that we still take photos of us together as a couple too. We both love being parents, but we both stil love being a couple and we both agree that once you are parents, sometimes, you ahve to make more of an effort w/ the couple stuff cause the parenting takes up so much time (in good way though.) We don't want to be one of these couples that once the kids are off to college, they don't even know each other anymore. We're so connected, I don't think that would happen, but I never want to take things for granted. So I always try to take stock of my blessings.

OK, Ben is home - I am going to get some sex. Bye.

We were making a Samantha. Doesn't that just boggle the mind? Can't believe how fast the time is flying. Sam is such a polly parrot now. She was playing with her "rock, rock ponies" aka My little ponies when I heard her making one say, "Over here dumbass." I was sure I heard I wrong, so I tried to listen closer w/ out distractioning her. In her cute little girls voice I heard, "HEY DUMBASS."

"What did you say Sam?" I asked her.

Clear as a bell she answered, "Dumbass."

"Who is dumbass?" I asked, trying not to make a big deal of it.

Sam looked around the room for a moment and then pointed to her rocking horse.

"Ohhhh, you mean Thomas..." I said, trying to remove the dumbass from her vocabulary. She looked at me and you could tell she was thinking about what I said.

"Thomas," she repeated as she pointed to her rocking horse. And then she continued playing. WHEW! Ben and I can no longer use ANY potty words, so I have been saying "Flim Flam" when I want to say something bad and I have replaced "shit" with "granola". We'll see...

Ben is off tomorrow and we are going to see the evil granny. I figure she is probably going to die soon, so we probably should. I have not replied to my sister's emails and phone calls. She can kiss my post partum ass! In her latest mail she now says that she is probably going to come up some time in July or Aug, but does not have much vacation time left and that I should not be mad. BITE ME! Oh, wait, did I write that out loud?! Ooops, bad me... So when ever the princess does decide to grace us with her presence, I think I may make sure we are busy.

I finally did tell my mom how angry I am at my sister. I also told her not to get involved - I don't like people speaking on my behalf. If I want to say something, I have a mouth and I am not afraid to use it. But in talking to my mom about it, I realized that my chunk-blowing-sister never sent anything, even a card, when Christopher was born. But she raced home for her horse...geez, I now know where my kids rank on her rador...below the horse's ass...

On a good note, we are going to a BBQ on Tues. at our friend's, Steph and Pete's, house. We met them at Lamaze when we were preggo with Sam. Their daughter Emily was born 2 weeks after Sam. And then we got preggo at the same time again. Their 2nd daughter is 5 weeks younger than Kit! They are really nice and laid back. Both Ben and I enjoy their company and the kids play very well together.

Then next week I made plans to take the kids to the Phila. Zoo and meet my cousins there. My one cousin has a daugher that just turned one. It should be nice, but I know after the Pitts Zoo, it won't be the same. The Pitts Zoo was really nice. Sam is still talking about the animals. But it will be nice to see my cousins and spend the day.

Kit has been having a hard time going to sleep. I think his teeth are really bothering him. All he wants to do is nurse until he falls asleep. I feel so badly for him. He is such a good baby, so when he fusses, I know he is really uncomfortable. But other than the teeth, he is a healthy boy. And boy does he get around on that walker! He runs and runs - Sam never did it that well. And today he actually starting creeping on the floor. I think once he is mobile, that child will never stop moving. It will be a riot watching Sam and Kit play (and argue I'm sure...) Even now they play very nicely together. Christopher always wants whatever his big sister is playing with.

Right now Ben and I are side by side, each on our respective computers. Even though what we are doing is seperate right now, it is nice just being together. Luckily we both are home bodies. I know he is tired after a busy weekend of work and then when he got home tonight, I made him mow the lawn while the BBQ grilled dinner. He is a good sport though and didn't complain. (Besides, there was no denying that the grass was too long and looked like "granola"!)

Ok, time to stop writing and time to give Ben some one-one-one! ;)

Yipee! I know know why Kit has been snotty (literally, not figuratively...)...He cut his two bottom teeth!!!!! Now we'll see if he is a biter or not (ouch!).

After a night of no sleep, I got up this morning and I fell out of bed. When I stood up to get my kids, I stubbed my toe (-maybe I need stitches). One the way to my youngest child's room, I tripped over my deaf dog and hit my head. It hurt so badly that I nearly passed out. The voices in my head kept telling me to get up, but my vision remained groggy... (maybe I knocked something and I am going blind?). It took all my energy, but I eventually got up. I had to cause my children needed me to. So with great pain, I made my way to my youngest room, rubbing my head along the way and I felt a bump - but I couldn't remember it was on the side that I hit when I fell - (left? right? left? right?). I continued down the hall, still worrying about my head as I got my baby and then my eldest, then going downstairs for breakfast.

To my chagrin, the mice ate the rest of our stale bread that I was planning on serving and the milk and eggs had gone bad. We had no more money for food, so I wasn't sure what I was going to serve. I think we had some steak sauce left and a bottle of Bud. When all of a sudden I heard a horrific squeal and I was shocked to fing that my blind cat ran outside only to be hit by a kid on a scooter. When I went to get the kids dressed, I noticed that moths ate holes in my kid's best clothes. I put the holey clothes on the kids anyway and went to go to the car to find that all four tires are flat. Life is so unfair! The kids were starting to cry at this point and the cat was bleeding all over the place. I felt my heart start to race, my palms very sweaty as the pressure in my head became to much and I was sure I was going to have a heart attack right then and there...it was so hard being me...

When the alarm went off and I woke up. Whew, that wasn't me, that was just one heck of a nightmare.

This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any person, place or thing is purely accidental.

Ben is coming home late cause they were busy at work, but the good news is that he made quota. Yeay Ben! I am glad he likes his job - he works very hard. I look forward though to as he moves up - more $ and more normal hours. But, it works well enough to keep me home w/ the kiddos, so I am not complaining. :)

Kit is asleep in his crib, Poor little muffin is congested. I have on the cool vaporizer and gave him some decongestant before bed. And my little monkey Sam is asleep on the sofa next to me. I know I should have brought her up to her big girl bed, but she was so cute and jsut wanted to hang out w/ her momma. I figure the time is so fleeting and it won't before she doesn't want to hang w/ me, that I am not about to miss a minute of it now. It amazes me how much I am in love with my kiddos. And still in love with Ben. I do thank God for them everyday. I can't imagine where my life would be with out them. I'd have no purpose or goals - yikes doesn't that make me sound like a loser. But honestly, I just seems to flitter thru life before I met Ben. When I met him, it was like finding my other half. I had purpose and a desire to move forward. Everyone thought we were nuts for getting married so soon after meeting and normally I'd agree, but I just knew with him. If there is such a thing as soul mates, he is mine and I think we have gone thru many lifetimes together.

Physically I am run down and tired. I'm not sure what is up with that - I think I may be fighting a cold coming on - but all I want to do is sleep. I think I may be bad and carry my little Sam up to my bed and cuddle w/ her til Ben gets home... nite, nite...

Well this is my first entry and therefor, a trial run... I guess I need to know how to use html. I will learn...welcome to the 21st century Wendy!

This past weekend we spent it in Pittsburgh w/ friends from March 2002 playgroup. What a hoot! This women are even better in person than on the boards. I laughed my butt off. We also had some nice family time as well.

We spent Fri nite swimming, eating pizza and chatting while the kiddos played. Sam got stung by a bee. Poor monkey. Luckily Michelle had Benadryl. Sam enjoyed feeding Kira (Tiffani's little one) pizza. And she ran and ran and ran with all the lucky charms. Sat. we went to the zoo. We spent the day there with Lynn, Marcel, Victoria and Jimmy. Ben, the kiddos and I enjoyed ourselves. The Tabors are very down to earth and have a great sense of humor - alway a good combo.

When we got back, the kids didn't really nap, so we went swimming. We found many of the families there too. Then we went to dinner. Leanna and Susan did such a GREAT job getting everything together! We Sat with Sheri, Don, Alana and Nicole. It was great getting to spend time with them again. I can't believe it has been 2 years since we saw them. The kids have gotten so big and Sheri looks great - she has lost a lot of weight.

Then got the kiddos to bed and spent a little one on one time w/ Ben before heading over to Den Mommna's room. What a hoot! I LOVE these women - they are as wacky as me! Leanna is a trip and a half as is Michelle and Linda! I wish I lived closer to them. It was wonderful getting to know the other mommies too - Kristin is a sweety and looks great preggo as does Susan. Actually Suzanne and Tiffany do too. I always looked like a moose by the end of my pregnancies. These women looked beautiful. And were just as nice. Tiffani may be younger than most of us, but held her own quite well, lol! She has a great sense of humor and is very down to earth. I was so glad to get to spend time with Carie, Emily and Jess - their vibrant personalities are even better in person. I enjoyed talking with Jen and Nicole several times over the weekend and Janet too (although I am sorry that we missed them at the zoo...). Kristen, Tiffany and Sarah were a bit quieter, but very nice and heck, if everyone was a big mouth (like me), we'd all be deaf! I didn't get to spend much time w/ Amy and Mandie - too short of time...

All of the children were just beautiful and grandparents and daddy's were really nice too. Both Ben and I felt really comfotable and at home with everyone. Sheri is planning something at her house soon and I can't wait. It will be nice to see them and Susan again. I am glad that I live close to some of the mommies and it will be nice to spend some time together. I think we are about 45 mins from Sheri and I think Susan lives near my folks.

So my friends are great, my sister blows chunks. All families have their drama and backround crap. I am not in the mood to write a who did what to whom and when. But long story short (too late!)... when Christopher was born, he got a fever and then I got sick. We had to stay in the hospital longer than planned. My sister lives in NC but was up for the holidays. She was going to come and see us when she got a call that her horse was sick. She was only an hour away at that time and had to drive by the hospital to go home. Instead she drove my my empty house to drop off Christmas presents for Sam and then called me and said she couldn't come and see us cause her horse was sick. Fine, I said.

She hasn't been to see us since, but has come up to see other family members and friends. My grandmother recently got sick. This will sound mean to say, but she is really a mean old lady. She has always been mean (age has nothing to do with it) and loves to cause family trouble. Well she turned 95 on Monday. My parents decided to make a little party for her Sun nite. They knew we wouldn't be there cause we were coming home from Pitts. My sister was going to come up in a few weeks and we'd celebrate with the evil grandmother then. Well my sister decides to come up as a surprise to the evil granny (she does not like her either!) and stays thru til Monday. Again, she is only and hour away and STILL does not come up to see us. She has not met my son!!!! And did I mention that she is supposed to be his Godmother!?

This pisses me off so much! She has yet to see Samantha since she recovered from her accident. The last time she saw Sam well was at her 1st birthday! (She did come up when Sam was in the hospital, but Sam was unconsious, wrapped up and on a vent...) Oh, and she is supposed to be Samantha's Godmother too! Heaven help my kids if anything ever happens to me or Ben cause I have no idea who we'd want to raise our kids. My sister is a frigging asshole.

If I thought it would help, I'd say something, but my family is very strange. I'd end up being the bad guy, so it's just not worth it.

Moral of this blog - great friends, loving husband and wonderful kiddos, and a shitty sister. I guess I am still pretty lucky.

with an epidural needle in my back.  Yep, today was the day.  It was pretty uncomfortable and hurt but was manageable.  One of the techs was a really nice woman who was a customer of mine from when I was working for ATTWS before I had Sam.  As soon as I walked in I heard, "Oh Wendy!!!!"  And I got a big hug.  She then told everyone how nice I was and she told me how I looked great and lost tons of weight.  WOO HOO Wanda!!!
I was actaully really scared going in, so it was nice to have a friendly face.  She have me to squeezy firetrucks to crunch for when it got bad.  And yes, Lamaze breathing once again saved the day!  Best $75.00 I ever spent!
After it was done, the drive home was a bitch.  Everytime the car moved or jerked, my back killed me!  Then when we got home, I started having really bad muscle spasms down my right leg.  So I pulled out my last Tylenol w. Codine that I've been saving since Kit was born and took it.  Now I am so comfortably stoned.  What sucks, is that I only had one left, so now I am screwed.  Oh well, it was still nice having one left....
Oh and my dear husband, stayed home from work so he could watch the kiddos cause he knew that I was in pain.  They are playing in the playroom so I can have some Wendy time and veg.  Good man!  So I am off to sit and relax til the pain med wears off.