So today I had my first symptom.  I was in the car with the kids waiting for Ben.  We were on our way to my P/T appt.  He was coming with to watch the kiddos while I got tortured and then I was going to drop him back at work.  He was late, naturally, because it was late in the day and we were bound to catch the afternoon traffic. 

So there I was waiting in the car outside his work, listening to the kiddos chattering while eating a burger.  That's when I noticed that every time I moved, I felt like someone was tapping my eye from the inside.  At first I thought it was just my eye twitching, so I looked in the rear view mirror waiting for it to twitch.  Nothing.  And then I'd turn my head.  TAP, TAP, TAP.  So I'd look again.  Nothing.  Once again I'd move my head to look away.  TAP. TAP. TAP.

Now I felt the anxiety come on.  Why Was  my eye tapping?  WTF?!  And then I felt my chest tighten up.  OK, I can't freak out cause the kids are right here in the back seat, I thought.  Ok Wendy, I told myself, Remember the days of smoking pot and getting paraniod.... breath.  What's making you whig... 
Ok, that was easy, the eye tapping was freaking me out.  So why would my eye be tapping.... Hmmm... Maybe cutting my crazy meds down???  Ok, that made sense.  Why else would I feel anxiety?.  Ben was late.  That made sense.  Reasonable and understandable.  And then the fact that my pet had died not even an hour ago, may have been contributing as well.   At that point, I once again used my Lamaze breathing to help calm down.  Can I say, that was the best $75.00 I ever spent.  I use that stage one breathing for all sorts of things...but I digress...

By the time Ben got to the car, I was calm.  I told him about the crazy eye tapping and we were on our way.  At P/T, the eye tapping continued but I walked well on the treadmill and when my therapist tortured me, I just stared at the ceiling feeling my eye go, TAP, TAP, TAP.  At that point I decided that maybe the reduction of the meds was causing my nerves to send out crazy pulses - similar to an eye twitch. 

So once I got home, fed the kids, played with the kids, read stories, changed diapers, brushed teeth and got them to sleep, I started searching the web.  After reading A LOT of crap, I found a few sites on weaning the crazy meds and the plan I came up with was a sound one.  I got the ok from my doc at my last appt to try to wean when ever I wanted, but the weaning schedule that they gave me seemed to fast.  So I am going to wean my way, the Wendy way.


I really do want to be med free.  It just seems to me that too many docs are too easy about dispensing the crazy meds with out telling about the hardship of weaning.  I do not know if I would have taken it if I knew what I now know.  It's like legal drug pushing of the big drug companies.  It has really opened my eyes in a rather unpleasant way.  If drugs are going to be pushed on me, I'd rather have my all natural, non addictive marijuana thank you very much.  I mean people are now legally getting hooked on this legal shit but I can't smoke a joint cause that is against the law.  I smoked pot for a LOOOOOOONG time and not once did I ever suffer ANY withdrawal after I stopped.  And we stopped cold turkey a good while before we started TTC.  (I just ate a hell of a lot of snacks sometimes when I was stoned, lol!)

Ok, rant over.