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Thursday, October 27
Inspired by Jen....
by
welee
on Thu 27 Oct 2005 07:15 AM PDT
"Is there a song, or maybe a poem or even a photo that is so intense you can barely stand to be near it, yet you love it so much you can listen/read/look at it for hours on end, over and over?"
OMG yes. There is a book called Remembrance by Jude Deveraux that I read when Ben and I first got together. Remembrance by Jude Deveraux is the story of a woman who is determined to improve her life in the present by altering her past lives.
Hayden Lane is a romance writer obsessed with James Tavistock, the hero of her latest novel. Her fascination with the character and his life drives away her fiancé and slowly she becomes immersed in her unfinished novel to the extent that she believes that Jamie is the only man for her.
On an impulse she visits a mind reading psychic named Nora who unknowingly convinces Hayden that Jamie is not only real, he is her soul mate, and destined to be with her three lives from the present one.
Faced with this dilemma Hayden does what any modern woman, used to getting her own way, would do. She decides that she is not going to wait three life times, she is going to find him in this one!
But this task is not as easy as it seems. Hayden does not know what form he has taken, nor does she know where in the world he is. And most distressing of all they are both cursed to remain apart in this lifetime.
Using the curse as a starting point Hayden decides that she will find a way to break this curse and under regression hypnosis (against the advice of Nora) she travels into the past, and the body of Lady de Grey.
In the body of Catherine she finds herself married to her soul mate, Lord Tavistock, who is about to divorce Catherine in favour of another woman.
During this part of the novel both Catherine and Hayden occupy the same body and Hayden soon realises that Catherine is as much a victim of the curse as she herself is. Neither of them seem destined to have their soul mate.
Deciding that the only way to get back to the 20th century is to be hypnotised again she goes to an Edwardian mesmerist who sends her back. Only not to the 20th century, back to the beginning of her lives.
The story of their lives is relayed in Part 2. A pure love story of two souls who are manipulated by those around them as they struggle to remain together. Neither can live without the other and their story is as romantic as it is tragic as we discover the curses of both Callie and Talis that have lasted through time to the present day.
I used to write and draw about a person, very much like Ben, when I was a kid. I had just met him while reading this book. This story hit very close to home with me. I can still read it over and over and over.
Then there is the song LUCKY by BIF NAKED.
This hit home with me one night in the PICU, when Sam was lying there motionless, the vent breathing for her. It was late and I had the door closed and the CD player loud, trying to drown out my pain to music. (I had this song on a CD)
I never really listened to the words before. Obviously take out the lover references, but most of it just hit home. I was lucky. She was alive. She almost died. I was lucky. I ached. I wanted to die for her. But I was lucky. She was going to get better. And the pain of everything hit me like a mack truck.
So I sat there, singing to her as loud as I could, with tears pouring down my face. To this day, even thinking about that song makes me cry - not a little, but a lot.
The lyrics...
it was a monday, when my lover told me,
"never pay the reaper with love only."
what could i say to you, except, "i love you."
and "i'd give my life for yours."
i know we are: we are the lucky ones.
i know we are: we are the lucky ones.
i know we are: we are the lucky ones, dear.
the first time we made love, i: i wasn't sober.
(and you told me you loved me over and over!)
how could i ever love another, when i miss you every day:
remember the time we made love in the roses?
(and you took my picture in all sorts of poses!)
how could i ever get over you, when i'd give my life for yours.
i know we are... we are the lucky ones.
i know we are... we are the lucky ones.
i know we are... we are the lucky ones.
i know we are: we are the lucky ones, dear.
my dear, It's time to say i thank god for you.
i thank god for you in each and every single way.
and, i know... i know.. i know.. i know...
it's time to let you know. time to let you know.
time to let you know. time to sit here and say:
i know we are... we are the lucky ones.
i know we are... we are the lucky ones.
i know we are... we are the lucky ones.
i know we are: we are the lucky ones, dear.
we are the lucky ones, dear...
GREAT NEWS...
by
welee
on Thu 27 Oct 2005 07:15 AM PDT
BEN GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He starts his new postition on Dec 1st. He is going to my old store, LOL. Talk about full circle. The pay isn't that much more, but it still is more AND he has the title now to move to the next level. The next level is where we'd start seeing more dollars.
YEAY BEN!!!! I am so proud of him and am so glad that his hard work is paying off. He really deserves it.
Oh, it is hush, hush for another week. So no blabbing to anyone ladies and gents. ;)
AND.... Kit did a potty repeat of yesteday, only today it was with a poop.
My boys *sigh* I am so proud.
Wednesday, October 26
Well it a'int over....
by
welee
on Wed 26 Oct 2005 07:22 AM PDT
Thurs. 10:00 PM - Kit starts barfing. Stomach flu.
Friday 2:00 PM - Sam starts barfing. Stomach flu.
On a good note, we were all healthy for most of Thanksgiving Day. We had a little snow and took the kids out. Since they are little, it does not take a lot to make them happy. I made dinner early for 1:00 and then we all napped afterwards. LOVED THAT! And later in the day, I took Sam to see Chicken Little. It was really cute and we had the best time. Sam wanted it to be "just us girls..." She so enjoyed getting her own popcorn and soda. She was so into the movie, she didn't realize that she had to pee... when we walked out of the theater, she all of a sudden started jumping up and down, her eyes real wide, "Momma, I have to pee NOW!" (Luckily we made it to the potty, LOL.)
Today so far we are free of stomah flu things, but we are staying in our PJ's, taking it easy. Ben is the only one left to get it.... and he is at work... oh well, LOL.
A brag, a bitch and update....
by
welee
on Wed 26 Oct 2005 07:01 AM PDT
First, my brag. Today my cutest little fellow, Baby Kit, pulled off his diaper. I thought he just wanted a new one. So I brought over the diaper and said, "Diaper time." When I say that he usually lays down and waits for me to change the diaper. Well today he shook his head no. I asked him if he'd like to use the potty. He nodded yes. He then ran off to the toliet. I followed. When I got there he was already sitting on his little potty, smiling. I told him to potty and guess what? My little guy peed on the potty. The look of pride on his face was just the best. And of couse Samantha and I made the biggest deal. Big Boy!!!
Next, the bitch... Still waiting on Ben's job. No decision has been made even tho they said that they would decided by the end of last week. Annoying. Frustrating. I just hope Ben gets it - especially cause he has been doing the freaking job now for over a year - only with out pay and a title.
The update... Grandmonster doing the same.
Tuesday, October 25
U/S results....
by
welee
on Tue 25 Oct 2005 07:01 AM PDT
Chicken?
NO!
DOG?
NO!
Cat?
NO!
Really want to know?
OK......
GIRL!!!!
Friday, October 21
A quickie...
by
welee
on Fri 21 Oct 2005 07:00 AM PDT
Health news: Going to see the Grandmonster tomorrow. Will have the kiddos with me. Luckily my sister will be there and she can help me. She flew in today. Think the kiddos will play in the waiting room and not go in. I think they are a little young to see this.
Also, my u/s is Tues. Can't wait! Always get nervous that I will see something horrible when the u/s gets close. Open leg vibes for my baby on Tues.
Work news: Worked with C tonight, in stations. Well I ran circles around her lazy ass. I made 130 to her 80. Ha ha, hoo hoo. Felt great! She can put that in her pipe and smoke it. (Yes, petty but it still felt good.) J actually laughed out loud when he heard what I made v. her. Ha ha, hoo hoo....
Thursday, October 20
Grandmonster...
by
welee
on Thu 20 Oct 2005 06:59 AM PDT
Just got a call from my mom that the grandmonster is now having troube breathing. It seems to be settling in her lungs. She said I should arrange to come down soon. I really believe that we are entering the final innings and that the grandmonster is not long left for this earth.
I think even though everyone knows death is part of the life cycle, no one is really ever ready for it - especially those who remain. Cruel pain in the ass that she is, I still find it strange and upsetting that she will not be here soon.
Other Ramblings....
by
welee
on Thu 20 Oct 2005 06:58 AM PDT
No news on Ben's job. Should know by end of week.
Grandmonster the same. Still out to lunch. Not a stroke tho. Some strange blood infection, mabye.... Nerulogist (sp? tired...) sees her tomorrow to try to find out why she is stark raving mad right now.
Kids good.
Mommy tired.
Work Bitchings....
by
welee
on Thu 20 Oct 2005 06:58 AM PDT
The Characters...
C.... waitress, in 30's, divoreced 2x, 3 kids, always trying to scam something. Player.
J... The boss
The Dumb ones... what J calls the young waitresses
Must tell you, C is the WORST waitress I have EVER worked with. And that included the dumbest of dumb that have graced MY WORK. She is slow, sloppy and greedy. She does no side work - worse than that, lies about what she does and then I find later that it is not done and have to do it. She can't bus a table to save her life. So when it gets busy I am busing ever single table and then when I get them menus cause she is no where to be found, she accuses me of stealing tables! (There was one table, that she ignored and when I asked them if the ordered up front, the said no, they were ready and started saying they wanted 3 slices....) And I told her! When she was afraid I had more (and again questioned my honesty) cause I had some campers (starts pointing at tables), I gave her a 5 that was mine and took and then took the 2 top that came in and had been sitting at a dirty table that she ignored. I had also cleaned the tables for the 5 top. (Old dirty tables of C's). After my 2 top, she then took the next three/four tables that came in. On top of it, thru out the night, many of her tables kept asking me to get stuff cause she never came back and then there was the table she just forgot she had. Also when a few tables came in, she didn't go to who came in first, she'd go out of order to pick who she thought looked the best. GRRRRRRR....
Then at the end of the night she was like "I want to like you... I think we are friends...." And I smiled but was like, hey, you need to help bus tables and you need to watch what is coming in the door. This is not Friday night were you just wait for your station to fill up. You need to watch what is going on. She accused me of having over a 100 when she had 75. I did not, I had like 73. I said as much and that if she doubted me, she was more that welcome to count my money. I don't know what she thought I might have had, but there was not cash in my pocket backing it up. I then said I saw the three/four tables she just took. She looked away and kind a blushed. And I said I did not call her on that cause I am not like that. But I saw it. I then explained when she was pointing at tables, which tables had been camping. I also added that when she was pointing to tables, it was busy and not the time to argue about it. I am not like that. I am not sure if she knew that she even made me angry. I really kept my cool and was proud of myself.
Call me a bitch, call me anything, but don't call me dishonest. OMG, that will set me on freaking fire. So anyway, it never got heated even though inside I wanted to punch her out. It is still friendly... but OMG. She is something else. J said that she is used to being able to con people out of tables with the poor me crap and that she may be getting pissed cause I do not take it or care. He saw it tonight too. I was hot after she left. He laughed cause it was the first time ever that I complained about a server that I work with like that. I have been there 1.5 years. I said to him, at least the kids (we have a lot of young waitresses) try and just don't expect me to do freaking EVERYTHING and then complain cause I should give them my tables.
J said once that he was working with her and a table of his got up and he saw them put three bucks down. He was with a customer at the register. While he was with them, he saw C go over and put the 3 bucks in her pocket. He later asked her if they left him anything. She looked him in the eye and said no. He said he knew right then what kind of person she is. He said, if she had said yes, he would have told her to keep it. It just wanted to see what she would say.
J did say that he likes me way better than her and if she causes problems or says anything he will tell her that my nights are my nights and she needs to find another night to work. He said, even better, if I get her to quit, that his wife will LOVE me forever. His wife HATES her. And she also has told him that C is the WORST waitress in the world.
Can I also add that I am so sick of hearing how poor she is yet she is having a biog Halloween bash, a even bigger 30th bday for boyfriend (costing somewhere around 1000) and going to FLA next month... If you are so f-ing poor, then cancel the parties and rent a freaking video. All night I am hearing... you are going to make more money than me and I need money. Well, duh, don't we all? Maybe instead of wasting time worrying about me, she should use that time to be a decent waitress.
Yet here I am at 12 freaking thirty, too irrated by this crap when I have so much other stuff already on my plate. Can someone please pass me some benadryl?
Tuesday, October 18
My Grandmonster...
by
welee
on Tue 18 Oct 2005 06:57 AM PDT
just had a stroke. My mom could not get a hold of her since yesterday, so she called a neighbor of the Grandmonster. The neighbor found her sitting in a chair unable to really move and not making sense. My mom said it looks like she had been there all night and had peed all over herself. Obviously they called the ambulance and were off the the hospital.
My mom is there now waiting for the tests to come back, but it is looking pretty bad.
I can't even explain how I am feeling. It is no secret that the woman can be meaner than the devil. But I do know in her own evil way, she does love me. I guess that is why she is my grandmonster.
And now I must get ready for work. I'll be in great sted tonight to deal with the general public.
Sunday, October 16
Wish us luck...
by
welee
on Sun 16 Oct 2005 06:56 AM PDT
I've been too nervous to write anything and jinx us before this.... The positon that Ben has been wanting and working for was finally posted. He has techically been doing the job for awhile now, but that is not the same as having it. There were 22 applicants and this past Thurs. they interviewed everyone.
Since then Ben has made the short list which has 4 or 5 people on it and there are three positions available. We know 4 of the short list people (I used to work for the same company.) Of them, one would give Ben a run for his money if it were just one position. But it seems like this woman and Ben are top of the list. Ben interviews really well and truly does know his stuff. He is a hands on manager who lead by example and would do great! It also is the right step forward to him eventually getting his own store. But, until they offer him one of the positions, it is only supposition.I think I am more nervous than he is. He thrives on interviews and usually I do when it is me, but it is not me. That means it is completely out of my control. I have complete faith in Ben. But, I am a bit of a control freak, LOL. His next interview is tomorrow at 2:00. So if you have a chance, send some positive vibes our way. Thanks!
Sunday, October 9
My thought of the day...
by
welee
on Sun 09 Oct 2005 06:54 AM PDT
MEAN: characterized by malice; "a hateful thing to do"; "in a mean
mood" [syn: hateful]
In a world that is already filled with so much tragedy, it baffles my mind why people waste time being mean. Personally I have a billion and a half better things to do ranging from spending time with my husband and kids down to picking lint out of my belly button.
Thursday, October 6
I got an apology...
by
welee
on Thu 06 Oct 2005 06:00 PM PDT
this morning that was sincere and not just quippy lip service. I also woke up and felt better. (Yes, Tammy, the sun did come out, LOL. Boy was I an Annie fanatic growing up, LOL.) Ben is a good guy, a great dad and husband. But, he is still a man and that means that sometimes he just is an ass. Ben said it best when he explained the Asshole Factor. All men have this, just some men have it worse than others. Bad Asshole Factor is a man who cheats, does not come home, hangs at the bar all the time... ect. Mild Asshole Factor is being insenstitive from time to time. But all men have it. LOL. At least he understands that sometimes he is just a... you know ladies, now say it together... ASSHOLE. LOL.
Wednesday, October 5
I just want to cry ...
by
welee
on Wed 05 Oct 2005 05:59 PM PDT
So I was driving home from work tonight when I saw a cat in the middle of the road. I swirved as much as I could with out crashing. If the stupid cat kept going the original direction, everything would have been fine. But no, it turned around and I ran it over. I turend around to see if it was alive. It didn't seem to be breathing. I called 911 who gave me the number to animal welfare. I got a pager. I left my number but no one called me back. I stayed in my car, but by the cat for 30 mins. But when no one was coming to help me, I left. I felt badly, but did not feel comfortable getting out of the car. It was dark and all I kept thinking was that I was going to get bitten. I didn't think that would be a good idea at 17 weeks pg.
Of course Ben said the only two choices were to take the cat to the SPCA or check for a collar and call the owners. And I did neither, so that made me feel great.
Then I just remembered that I forgot to take Sam to get her flu shot Tues. This upset me cause out of both the kids, she is the one that REALLY needs it. And of couse, there was already a waiting list back in Sept before the shot became avaialble.
Ben's response was to the effect of I can call and put her on the list again, so why was I upset. Can I tell you how much that made me want to deck him?
I then tell him that I am feeling overwhelmed and not like myself. Things are just slipping my mind and I feel like I am getting lost. And of couse, he has to try to "solve" things, when all he should do is just shut the f up and listen. STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!
I just want to bawl right now. I do feel overwhelmed. And G-d help me if I mention any anxiety about the baby - cause his fav pat response is that I am the one who wanted the baby. I get no f-ing help with anything that takes actual thought and planning in this house. NOTHING! And when I say I am upset, what do I get? Crap.
And now he said he was sorry. And what, that makes me feel better? No, sorry, it does not. Screw you.
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