After about 5 faint +, last night I started having bad cramping and the spotting became heavier and red.  As you probably can guess, I no longer have a +.  Today I tested again and got -.  For what ever reason, I can't seem to hold onto a pg right now.  So hopefully we will use my rx for Clomid in a few months and then We will get lucky.

I feel so cpmpeteley devestated.  I really, really, really want a 3rd child.  I just KNOW we were meant to have one more.  But instead of wallowing in grief and pity, I am going to pray for my friend Michelle and Gabe - hoping that his surgery went well and for her step father - hoping that his last surgery went well.  And I am going to pray for my friend Margie and her daughter K, and for K's best friend, Melody, who has been put on Morphine and is probably not long for this world.  I think Melody is around 8 and has brain cancer that they can not operate on.  So, any sadness, compassion and empathy that I know you wonderful friends of mine have for me, please give it to my friends instead.

So today I told Ben and he was grea t with it - but I think he was great with it cause he doesn't really believe it.  His words were something like that I have a million to one chance of conceiving naturally and maintaing with out drugs, so I shouldn't get my heart set.  But if by some miracle I did, then he is thrillled.  He meant this to be supportive but - ouch.  Of couse I told him on the 2 hour drive to the accountant.

So last night was nice.  Ben and I went out with some of his coworkers for snacks and drinks.  One of them was leaving (all I had was a soda).  Then Ben surprised me with a dozen red roses and chocolate covered strawberries. 

Aren't they cute?????

So today Sam was using her little vacuum and Baby Kit really wanted to use it.  So I asked Sam to be the good big sister that I know she is and let her brother have a turn.  Well don't you know, she did!  I was SOOOO proud of her and gave her a BIG hug and kiss. 


And then I snapped this photo while they were playing. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And the sofa bed that we bought for the basement is TOO FREAKING BIG to get down there!  And that is the one piece we needed cause it has a bed in it.  So we decided to make our dining room and extension of the family room and have one big GREAT ROOM.  Aside from my China cabinet, the room has our pet bunny, my treadmill and toys in it anyway. 

(oh and when they did get the sofa in the house, the movers ripped it.  Luckily you can't see it but I am still having them send someone out to fix it...)

Once the sectional arrives, we will move the sofa in there.  It will look nice.  I have a dining room table at my parents house in the basement.  It was my grandmother's (the nice one, not evil granny.) But it can stay there for awhile longer.  It's not like Ben and I are formal dining people anyway.  Anyone who is actually invited in our house, knows that we are kick back and relax kinda folk.  Take off your shoes and make yourself at home.


But my BIG CHAIR is here and I love it!!!!  To quote Goldie Hawn from Housesitter, " You could live in this chair!"  I have been so looking forward to each night when the house is quiet so I can sit in it, LOL!
Sam loves to lay back in it with me when I read her stories and it has become Baby Kit's fav place to be nursed.

The chair...

(Suzanne, this is was inspired by you my friend!  SMOOCH!) 

It's such a hard line to define how much to push one over the other, bfing v. formula feeding.   I think what ever route the mom feels is best for their child is the best for them.  But I guess I liked the sign cause I think that bfing needs to be known as ok.
But it does seem that formula commercials are everywhere and just accepted as ok.  Heck, I knew what a COMFORT PROTEIN was even before I knew that it was advertising for formula.  Where are the breast feeding commercials?  LOL

II remember being in the hospital after Kit was born.  Once he spiked a high fever and was fussy, I can't even describe how hard I was pushed to give him formula.  Now at that point, although he had a fever, he was nursing.  He was just fussy cause he had an uncomfortable IV port in his leg.  (Once we took it out, he settled down and showed that he is the sweetest boy...)

I am an older mom, who is very comfy with the fact that I wanted to bf and even I started doubting myself for a minute.  I am just glad that I stuck to my guns.

Most of the women that I know are intelliegent women who weighed all the benefits of breast v. formula and what was best for their families.  I have no doubt that the decision they came to was the best one.  I am proud that my friends online and IRL are such good mommies.

But I think that a sign like this is great for the vast amount of women who maybe are not as educated.  And then their are the women who think it is just embarassing when bfing is just a part of nature.
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