I am the silvery ice hanging from the rooftop, silent, sharp, strong.

Lean on me, but don't take notice that I am numb.

Please, dearest coldness, I implore you, stop my pain.

In an instant things happen. 

A flash.  A moment. 

Time that cannot be taken back.

The heat, the fire, my enemy tried to take you from.

Burning and mauling, your beautiful sweet body, your face.

Now you, my baby, lay letting the machines live for you. 

A child so innocent;

            A father's guilt.  An accident.

                        My beautiful 17^th month baby girl.

Time froze as the roar of the ambulance whisked you away.

Only recognizable by the little hair ribbon in your hair, your face so swollen that your eyes were half moons.

Your ivory complexion was now thick, white and hard like dried candle wax.

I fell to the floor as the gurney was wheeled away.

            My husband eyes were vacant.  Stand up! 

                        Get on with the motions; there is time enough later to deal.

Weeks gone by, as I listen to your machines.  I watch your tiny chest rise and fall, perfectly timed.

All bandaged I cannot recognize you; but as your mother, I would know you anywhere.

I stroke your little exposed feet, ignoring all the tubes in and out.

I breathe, inhaling the scent of you.

            My heart starts fill – warm, painful, overwhelming.

                        The injustice of you laying here…

STOP!  Today is not the day to deal.  Dearest frozen ice, where are you?  I need you.

I cannot control the fire with in; and I am afraid that it will cause me to burst in flame.

Moment to moment is where I must stay, anesthetized and strong for the family. 

Well the MIL left! WOO HOO! But where I thought I was going to be over-joyed, I was still very upset. So once Ben and I got the kiddos settled playing, I told him that we needed to talk.

This has been the WORST of any of her stays.  To give you some back round...

Ben and I lived in Edinburgh when it was our 1st Valentine's Day together as a married couple.  The week prior to Valentine's, I was in London for a seminar for work,  I got very sick when I was there.  Luckily the hotel were we were staying was where all the lectures were.  So at lunch breaks and such, I went to lay down in my room.  I should have gone home, but I was determined to work thru it. 

While I was in London, Ben's mom decided that she and his little borther were going to come to visit that weekend. They lived an hour away.  She did not ask, she told him.  So when I finally got home on Valentine's Day, I was very feeling VERY sick, I found my MIL and BIL at our 1 bedroom flat.

Truthfully I was disgusted.  Besides the fact I was sick as a dog, what the hell was she doing at my house for Valentine's Day????  Well that night, my fever spiked even harder and I just started crying.  Ben told him mom that he was taking me to the hospital.  Well instead of doing the right thing and going home, she said really loudly, "Wendy is being a bit of a baby.  She just has a cold.  It's no big deal."

Well Ben got me to the hospital.  They could not get my fever down and I was admitted.  They thought I had menegitis.   But according to her, I had a cold and being a baby, right!  Well she still did not go home.  Eventually my fever did break and I got to go home.  I was told to rest and take it easy.  I had some funky virus/flu.  Well she STILL did not go home and then had the nerve to smoke in the house, which made me want to puke!  And she loudly complained how she was bored. 
Back to present day, there were several times over her stay that I tried to explain myself to Ben, but I just got all tongue tied.  Well once she left, I was very honest in how I felt. I told him that when she comes over, I feel like the odd man out. That is becomes them and I am the outsider in my own house. That makes me feel lonely and hurt. I also told him some of the comments that she had made over the course of her stay. Some of them shocked him. She is a passive aggressive person. She likes to quietly wind someone up and then act like What? What happened?