cause for the first time since Sam's throat surgery, I heard the strider today when I picked her up from school.  The kids have had this ongoing cold for a month now.  I had them at the ped 2 weeks ago that assured me that this time of year, kids often get another cold as they are getting rid of one.  So when it settled in the kid's chest, I just went with it - cold air vaporizers, decongestants and keeping an eye on them.  Needless to say, when I heard the strider today - I panicked.



It's funny cause a friend that I have been out of touch with and recently started chatting with again said to me that many mom's that she has spoken with still have a hard time talking about their kid's hospitalization, even when it was 30 years ago.  She said it is a Post Traumatic Stress thing.  I looked it up at the time and even though most of it was military related on the web, it kinda made sense. 



I thought that Ben and I would eventually compartmentalize this.  I have done that with every other hard thing I have ever been thru - not that anything compared to what we went thru with Sam.  I no longer believe that to be true.  When I heard her strider as we walked to the car, my heart froze.  Inside my head all I kept hearing, was OMG, not again, not another surgery, I can't do this again....  So I picked her up and carried both her and baby Kit to the car and called our ped as soon as we were on the road.



They were great and told me to bring her right in.  Can I tell you how much I LOVE our new pediatricians????  They looked her over very thoroughly and assured me that it is just cause she has been coughing and sick for so long.  THANK GOD.  They diagnosed her with Bronchitis and gave me a script for an antibiotic and a RX cough med to help her sleep.



When I told them that Baby Kit has been sick as well, the doc said that they;d pull his chart and check him over too seeing that it was almost the weekend.  Turns out that my little guy also has Bronchitis.  The ped said he actually sounds worse.   So the kids are on matching scripts.  Poor babies!



My ped and I chatted for awhile about what antibiotics would be best for the kids.  Sam is allergic to Amycillion, she wanted to stay away from all penicillin's and closely related meds,  I was so impressed with the extra time and care she took to get the kiddos on the right thing.



Then she asked in detail about Sam's accident.  We had a different ped at the time.  And we talked about it - like she was interested in my child- rather that asking the standard questions on a form.  KWIM?  She asked me if we prayed when Sam was hurt cause a lot of people find religion during a time like that.



I laughed and explained that the Chaplin at the hospital had said the same thing,  Everything was so out of control at first, I barely had time to breath,  But oddly enough, I did find God and feel closer to him now more than I ever did.  I found faith and trust and the belief that there is something out there beyond what I can control.



She said to hold onto that because having that faith can get us thru so much more that we ever thought that we could.



It was a nice conversation.  It wasn't preachy or trying to convert me into something.  It was very genuine and it made me feel better after the panic I felt earlier in the day,  I also liked that  a woman of science can still be open to spirituality.



I still think that sometimes it is the very little things that brings what happened to Sam forefront to my mind and Ben says it is like that for him.  I just hope that as time goes on, it lessons.  And I wonder if I will ever be able to be upstairs and hear one of the kids cry out and not choke as I bolt for the stairs as my voice wavers while trying to sound steady, "Is everyone ok?"



I am all over the place tonight,  The kids have had me up constantly the past few nights - and I have worked the past 2 nights as well - so my brain is no longer working well.  And I am getting the house ready cause Ben's mom is coming over from Scotland next week for a 2 week visit.  So I am going to stop blogging and I am going to watch the Idiot Box (aka TV).  Nighty night!