So tonight was busy.  I ended up having basically 2 stations as well as hosting.  Instead of a thank you, I was told by bosses wife that my last friday of each month was no longer mine.  They needed to give it to a 15 year old.  When I asked why, I was told it wasn't really my shift.  Really?  I have only been working it for a year and a half now... 

I also switched my Tues night with the Monday night girl so I can take the kids trick or treating.  Everyone else trades.  Well bosses wife tells me that she can work my Tues but I can not work her Monday.  Apprarently only I am not allowed to switch. 

I waited for wife to leave and asked boss about it.  He was dumbfounded why I'd be upset.  It was only one shift.  Uh, and like 100 bucks from my pocket.  Duh, I am not rich thus me working....  And he did not know about the Monday.  He said I can come in the Monday. 

I pressed that I am reliable and that I am there for the money.  Hello, I have kids, this is not extra beer money or shopping money.  Like they give 2 shits.

I sucked it up cause the cash is good most of the time.  But, man, I feel like I left my self respect at the front door.  I have kids, so I will put up with it - but man, I really hate it and boy do I wish I could tell them to fuck off right now.  I am so pissed.

Been following nurse's advice and not stressing.  Had sex twice and NO bleeding!!!!!  (And it was GOOD sex too, LOL...)  I did get PPAF 2 weeks ago and maybe that was the problem before hand.  Had awful radiate ovary pain, but that could be O-ing and PCOS hand in hand.  So over all, not thinking C word anymore and I won't go back there unless Doc says too.

Still working out.  Did not use inhaler today before and had nasty asthma attack.  An appt with pumlinologist in 1.5 weeks.  I was calm tho and used my inhaler and was fine.

Susanna stood yesterday with out holding onto anything and tried to walk.  Her cruising days are numbered and she will be walking soon.

Sam wants to learn to play the guitar!

Kit knows the complete ABC's and sings them to Susanna all the time.

Sam and Kit have nick named Susanna, Kiki.  Where they got that who knows?

We are taking the kids to the My Little Pony Live Show next week.  We have 8th row, center stage tickets.  You know you are a parent when that gets you all jazzed, LOL.

Found a women's group locally that I met with Monday night and it was awesome!!!!

This summer I will be taking Sam away for a few days to a woman's gathering in Northern PA.  It just for women and girls - all about the strength and spirit of being a woman.  I am very excited!!!!!!!  Ben is so supportive about it and will watch Kit and Susanna for me.  When Susanna gets bigger she can come to.  I will make sure that Kit and I get some quality one on one special time before we go.

Kristin has the sweetest u/s pics I have ever seen.  :)

Too much to do, not enough time.  Must get kids down for nap and ready for work.  Peace, Love and Happiness.  :) 

The nurse called actually.  She said not to stress at this point.  If I have any other bleeding in the next 3 weeks, then I have to have a D&C.  I guess that means I actually have to have sex again, heaven knows with all of this I just feel oh-so-sexy...

It seems like lately all I have blogged about are bad things.  It just seems like health has not been at it's best in my house.  I have not blogged about one issue I have been having for awhile, but today I am going to because it is the root of my fear, thus this entry.... 

I have been having bleeding after sex.  I have had this in the past when pg, but being I am not pg, I decided to call my GYN.  They scheduled me for an appt.  At the appt, he tried to find my cervix, but after 20 mins or so with every speculum in the office, he could not find it.  It was way to high.  So he had me go in for a u/s.

The u/s itself was a PIA.  Being not pg, I had to drink a ton by 7:45 cause the u/s was sch for 8:30.  Well they were running behind and by 9:30 I told them I was going to wet myself.  Soon they called me in.  The u/s tech was having trouble getting all my uterus cause it was so long and big.  She was going to make me wait another 15 mins.  I was like, "uh, no cause I will pee on your table."  It was close to 10 by this point.  She said we could do a vaginal u/s and I didn't have to have a full bladder for that.  Why didn't they give me that option to begin with!!!!

During the u/s she told me that my uterus is over 2 cm bigger than normal and then let it slip that there was fluid in it.  When I asked what they meant.  She got very evasive and tried to back step and say they didn't learn about that at u/s school.  From that point on, she didn't really tell me anything else, but became much nicer.  After I got dressed, she walked me to the door, the outside on of the building and pressed on me to call my doctor soon for the results.  It was odd, but at the time I wasn't really thinking about what it meant.

That night after work, I put my symptoms into google, just to see what came up.  I often do this to get a heads up.  Well I wasn't expecting the answer I got. 

Before I go further let me preface that I KNOW that a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing.  I also know that I could be completely wrong and all this worry can be for nothing.  Unfortunately logic and emotion do not always connect.

Well these two things are symptomatic of cancer in the uterus, specifically the lining.  My find immediately flashed to my uncle who was diagnosed with cancer and died 3 weeks later (pancreatic) and my great grandmother died on uterine cancer.  Altho I am not post menstrual (a big factor with this), I have PCOS, I am overweight, I was GD (diabetes a factor) and I have high estrogen (after births).

As my mind began to reel, I decided to cross reference asthma with this tidbit of information.  We still have not been able to figure out what has triggered my asthma to be so bad (this is the worst it has ever been).  And some women who have asthma, it gets worse when hormonal things happen.  Oddly enough, my bleeding issues and asthma started around the same time.

I am waiting on my doctor to call me back.  I am pretty sure that he will schedule me for a D&C.  They can test the cells and fluid to see what it going on.  The u/s tech let that slip.  So here I wait.

Again this may be nothing.  However, at my age, cancer is a word that I never expected to hear.  I am trying not to let it overtake my thoughts.  But as I watch my kids, I can't even imagine that they could grow up with out a mother.  (Things being the worst that it...)  All I can hope that IF there is a problem, we caught it early.  I would just tell them to take everything out and that G-d that I have the 3 wonderful kids that I do have.

I can deal with the prospect of a hysterectomy.  I can deal with the thought of chemo and/or radiation - no hair and all.  I can not deal with the thought of not being here with my husband and children.

Today the doc listened to my chest and told me that my chest is horribly tight.  I am using my abuterol every 4 hours and the Singular does not do anything for me.  We talked about my nursing.  He said I should stop and then I could be put on oral steroids.  I said NO.  He understood even tho disagreed and then referred me to a pulminologist.  I have an appt in 3 weeks.

Later today when getting Sam's flu shot, the ped asked me what was wrong.  She said she could hear me breathing as soon as she walked in the door.  I told her about my asthma.  She said that with nursing I could use a neb with Pulmicort.  She has asthma as well and she said it really helps her.  She also reassured me that since it goes straight to my lungs, the amt transferred to Susanna would be minimal.

After we left, I called my doc and pushed for it.  I got the pulmicort today, but can't get my neb til tomorrow.  I am hoping it will work and the permanent vice grip on my lungs lets up.  I am so tired of being tired, hearing myself breath and feeling like the fat lady from the circus has permanently planted her ass on my chest.

On a happier note, Susanna can now pull herself up.  This child is going to be my earliest walker yet!!!!!!

 

We are finally cootie free in the House of Lee... YEAY!!!!!  This weekend, some of my (nice) cousins were going to Knoebels, which is an amusement park in central PA.  Even tho it wasn't really in the budget, we decided to go for the weekend too.  We actually did not go until Sat cause I worked Fri night (which was well worth it cause I made 165 and that pretty much covered everything aside from the hotel and a few meals out...).

We left Sat after Sam's swim lessons and got there about 2 hours before the park closed.  The park is VERY kids centric.  It is closed after summer, but opens for 1 weekend in Oct for a HUGE craft show.  The timing was perfect cause it let us go on a few rides and blow off some steam before going back to the hotel.  The hotel had a restaurant, which was very cheap yet very tasty!  We had a yummy dinner and then caught up with with my cousins.

We saw K & M first.  They are kid free (so far) but will be getting married next Oct.  We chatted for a bit.  K gave us 2 beer for me and Ben later.  It has been ages since I had a beer, lol.  She offered more, but we are light weights now, so I said no.  :)  We then went to B & A's room.  They were settling the kids down for bed.  J is 3 and A is 1, so they also have early bedtimes.  Ben took Sam and Kit on an adventure so K, A and I could chat in the hallway (all women) as Susanna sat and played.

It was fun chatting but also made me miss my gal pals who I usually do the hotel hallway gabbing with.  :)

After a bit, Susanna and I met Ben and the kids upstairs.  He had Sam and Kit in bed watching 1 show before sleep.  I nursed Susanna and she passed right out.  She then went right to sleep in the crib.  I swear that child is the sweetest thing.  She is just so sweet and so good.  Sam and Kit would NEVER have gone to sleep so easily.  Sam and Kit passed out about a half hour later (in part to a trick my friend Michelle taught me, lol...).

Ben and I packed some cards  (a game called Magic) and while the kids slept, we played and drank our beer.  Cause we were sharing a room with the kids, we did not want to put on the TV, which ended up being better.  We played for several hours and chatted and hung out.  It was really nice.  We used to play cards a lot before the kids and we haven't in ages.  It was so nice to just play.

I ended up with all the kids in bed with me.  I didn't mind.  Truthfully, I LOVE having the kidlets in bed with me.  Ben got a nice big bed to himself, which he also did not mind, lol.

The next day, we had breakfast with all our cousins and headed to the park.  We had SUCH a nice time.  Sam and Kit braved up to go on both the kiddie roller coaster and the haunted house.  Sam loved both, Kit not so much, lol... but he wanted to try, so we said yes.  We talked about the haunted house being pretend, so he was OK with it. 

There were TONS of kiddie rides and of course we hit them all MANY, MANY times over.  I just LOVE watching the joy on the kids faces as they experience things that are just so new and wonderful.  It is more fun than doing it myself.

The men all went on the bumper cars together and LOVED that.  They may get bigger, but they are ALL still boys at heart, lol.  We spent some of the day as a large group but then some of it on our own.  It was really nice.  We can't wait for next year.

Here are some pics...

A very passed out Kit!

Daddy and the kiddos hanging out.

Momma and Susanna watching the big kids ride.

A very cute Susanna.

Sam and Kit on the Frogger saying "Rib it!"

Everyone loves the bumper cars.

Sam and Kit LOVED the Whip.  The went on 3x In a row.

Sam showing her very special fairy necklace the Momma got for her.

 

 

 

Guess who now has blisters on her hands, feet and mouth????? Samantha???? No.  Susanna???  Not any new ones.  Yes, folks, me... I am a grown up 37 year old woman with H F & M.

Excuse me for a moment... O$%)($@_@#)*$_@(#*$)@%()&(*&#_*!_@)#$(_@$%@#&$*&@y()%*&@#$)%_@#)$(*_#@)($*_ #*%)_$@#()@_#$98349!!!!!!!!!!!  .

Ok, now that I got that out, I am going to take some Mortin and go to bed. Just wanted to share my joyous news.