My journey of self continues.  I have been reading everything I can get my hands on concerning Wicca, The Femine Divine, Shaminism.  I feel like I have come home.  So many of the words I read are like "Yes, that is what I already do/think/believe!"  And it is things that I have done/thought/believed over my life time.  For the first time, I am not hesistating in saying with confidence that this is where I am coming from and what I think.  It feels so good after literally years of trying to figure it out.  Nothing ever felt right and I was always trying something.  This is different with out knowing it, I have really been this basically forever.  Now I am just learning more of the specifics, which is awesome.  My thirst to learn is just endless.

The thing I am so comfortable about is that with Wicca, you pretty much can do whatever works assuming that it does not hurt anyone, including yourself.  I have always been a big "I am spiritual, but not nothing specific."  And the reason we "tried" Judiasm is cause it was somewhat flexible.  Again, that was not a fit.  Wicca, is big on being responsible for your own actions and what you put out, comes back to you.  Kinda like my Karma is a boomerang, lol.  I have also felt so strongly that even when I do not agree with other people's religions, that they have the right to believe what they believe.  Respect.  I can agree to disagree with someone and still like them.  Yet another YES moment is that respect of different religion is important.

I feel such a sense of joy and strength as I start out on my spiritual journey.  I feel liberated and empowered as a woman.  For me, finding the balance of female and male in myself and refusing to accept that women are born into sin, has freed me.  Everything in nature is balance and pretty much a female needs a male and vice versa.  It makes sense that this would apply to a greater power, for me.  If I could give a visual for how I feel about this, it would be the taoist Ying Yang.

"  Tao (pronounced "Dow") can be roughly translated into English as path, or the way.  It is basically indefinable. It has to be experienced. It "refers to a power which envelops, surrounds and flows through all things, living and non-living. The Tao regulates natural processes and nourishes balance in the Universe. It embodies the harmony of opposites (i.e. there would be no love without hate, no light without dark, no male without female.)"    "

 

 

That's all for now.  Kid's squabbling and not so peaceful, lol...

Yesterday I was reading The Tiniest Fairy to Sam and when I looked at her, she was leaning forward with her chin resting on both palms as her elbows leaned my my thigh. She was so engrossed in the story - her eyes pleaded for me to continue as they
sparkled with anticipation.

I started to get choked up as I read to her. I am not sure if it was her intensity or the sharing of a yule story with her or both- regardless, it was one of the moments I will never forget. As I read, I felt myself get the chills at several points and when I looked at my daughter's arms, so did she. (It is not cold in the house...)

As I continue on my journey of self discovery, I am finding that many of the things I read about Wicca, are already ways I lead my life.  There are so many things that are "YES" moments for me and/or things I have, or bought, or do.  It's like finding an old pair of shoes that you have forgotten about and putting them back on again.  Reading the story to Sam was definately a "YES" moment.

You Are 88% Thankful

You're an incredibly thankful person, and everyone around you feels very appreciated. You inspire people to be more optimistic, forgiving, and grateful.

 

http://www.blogthings.com/howthankfulareyouquiz/

http://www.llewellyn.com/free/mpq.php

 

Your Q Score is: 6

The Q score ideally should be as small as possible, indicating maximum agreement among elements. However, even a tiny Q score may not mean optimal functioning, since all four elements may in fact be relatively undeveloped.

Your Primary Mythical Creature

Water Types
The main strength of the Water types is feeling. The second element indicates the most probable focus for this emotional expression.

 

Your Shadow Creature

Air Types
All the Air types have problems relating to irrationality and trust. The weakest element indicates the main focus of these problems.

So Ben camped out for 36 + hours.  The deal seemed to be that the first 10 people were going to either get a unit for the PS 3 or a rain check.  He was number 7, so life was good.  Well at 5 o'clock I get a phone call telling me to get a sitter and get there ASAP.  They were extending the offer to the first 14.

I figured that it was in fates hands.  Either my baby sitter was going to be available or not.  I was not dragging the kids there for 7 hours.  Well, our sitter was available and I went.  Lady luck was on our side cause I got number 14! 

Once the units went on sale, the first 6 got PS 3 with 60 gb.  The next 4 were offered either a rain check or a PS 3 with a 20 gb.  (Obviously the 60 gb re-sells better, sometimes bigger is just better, lol...)  However, numbers 11-14 were issued a rain check and we are guarenteed a 60 gb!!!!!

Right now a 20 gb unit is selling for between 1000 - 2000 for a 500 investment.  The 60 gb is selling for about 1500 - 5000 for a 700 investment.  I am really hopeful that Ben's hard work will pay off.  It would be wonderful to be able to pay some bill off and everything I charged on the ccs for Christmas. 

One man there was going off on a tirade that it is wrong for people to sell them on Ebay and make mad money cause that means some regular kid won't get it on Christmas.  Well, I said that yeah, be that as it may, by doing this, my 3 kids will have what they want on Christmas.  We live in a country with free trade, so be it.  And you know what, anyone like Ben or  peope 1-6 who were there since Tues morning, deserve it!  They weather was a down pour with tornados wathces.  They were all outside in the rain, set up in tents.

Most the people there were very cool tho.  I had a lot of pizza delivered on Weds.  And then yesterday I brought by hot coffee for everyone.  Last night when I got my number 14 slot, they were all like, "hey it's the food lady!"

Here are some photos of the set up...

And I am his lunatic wife for allowing the following, lol... Ben is in line waiting at Walmart for the next 36 hours or so in order to be one of the very few who will be purchasing a Play Station 3 when they are released Friday morning at 12:01 AM.  You may have always wondered who the weirdos are who do that kind of thing... well now you know.

You Are a Peacemaker Soul

You strive to please others and compromise anyway you can. War or conflict bothers you, and you would do anything to keep the peace. You are a good mediator and a true negotiator. Sometimes you do too much, trying so hard to make people happy. While you keep the peace, you tend to be secretly judgmental. You lose respect for people who don't like to both give and take. On the flip side, you've got a graet sense of humor and wit. You're always dimplomatic and able to give good advice. Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul, Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/

 

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love. You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't? You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky. In fights, you speak your mind and don't hold back. You know you're right, and you can get quite angry about it. Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

http://www.blogthings.com/yourlovelifesecretsrevealedquiz/

I am very pleased to say that we shocked the heck out of my sister for her shower this past Sat.  My mom and I have been working on it for awhile.  When we first picked a date, I knew we had to come up with a way to throw her off track.  Lets face it, anyone who is getting married or having a baby for the 1st time is pretty sure that they will be getting a shower.  They look at there registries getting purchased and start looking at the calender as time marches on.

I decided the best way to throw her off was to give her bad information.  The real date of the shower was Sat Nov 11th.  I called her before my mom called her to say she had to come down that weekend.  In my best giving it a way tone, I told her we were having an Early Thanksgiving Dinner at Io e Tus on Sunday Nov. 12th and that she should bring a big car and her husband.  Io E Tus is the restaurant that I had my baby shower at, my cousin had her baby shower at and we had my sister's bridal shower at.  It hit her and she was like AHHHHHHHHHH.

It was then set she was coming down for the weekend.  My sister suggested that they go shopping for the baby that Sat and my mom said great that they'd have lunch too.  The plan was going perfectly!  See, my sister can bee a bit skeptical.  So fooling her was no small feat.  My mom also can't keep a secret to save her life, so this allowed for her to talk about the shower with my sister - only with no details of when and where.  My sister never needed to ask, cause she thought she already knew!  HA!

My cousins Andrea and Kara met me early to help me set up - altho many people got there even before us.  I teased them all that they should know better than to get to an affair our family is having early.  They are lucky we got there early, lol.  Ben helped too while the kids socialized.  After the surprise tho, Ben took the kids back to Andrea's house where her husband, my cousin B was with their kiddos.  All the kiddos get along very well and had a blast playing.  And that meant mommies got to eat their food in peace!  (Andrea and Kara are the female half of the cousins that I met up with at Knoebles a few weeks ago...).  Andrea, Kara and I sat with my sister, my mom, sister's MIL and a few friends.  I really enjoy hanging with Andrea and Kara and now my sister is closer and was there obviously cause it was her day, it was even better.  We got to eat and chat, in peace, which is such a treat!

When my sister walked in the room, her whole body turned crimson and she started beating on her husband, lol.  I knew we succeeded!  She was truly surprised.  Yeay!  The rest of the day was lovely.  Food was awesome, lots of fun people and my sister made out like a bandit.

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is medium. In general, you prefer to have only one love interest. But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long! There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering. Experience Level: Your experience level is high. You've loved, lost, and loved again. You have had a wide range of love experiences. And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is low. This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced. You know a relationship is not about getting your way. And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom. Cynicism: Your cynicism is low. You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance. No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter. You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate. And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon. Independence: Your independence is low. This doesn't mean you're dependent in relationships.. It does mean that you don't have any problem sharing your life. In your opinion, the best part of being in love is being together.

http://www.blogthings.com/thefivevariablelovetest/

I wonder if people who can derive pleasure and make mockery of PPD ever had a child?  I read something tonight at a place that I have not visited in well over a year - nor have I made random, anonymous comments either, BTW and was shocked or perhaps saddened to see that my PPD was a source of amusement.  I must give credit to the blogger in that they didn't actually bash my PPD, but their friends sure did.  Ironic because in the past I have found that some are offended when they are bashed by friends of another's blog.

I am proud of myself for recognizing my PPD and for getting help.  There is nothing to be ashamed about for a chemical imbalance after birthing a baby.  And I am now going back off the PP medication and am stronger and healthier than ever.  So if any fuck off losers are lurking in the shadows, shove that up your asses and spit it out your mouths.  Stupid fucktards!  What would have been better?  Say nothing and get worse?  Idiots.

What you put out comes back to you thrice.  I have NEVER intentionally tried to hurt someone.  I do not act out of malice.  Even when wronged, I have a heart and try to show kindness and compassion.  It is funny to be accused of having a big mouth by a herd of sheep of this place that I wish I did not visit tonight.  Aside from venting here about people IRL on occasions, I always speak in code and NEVER write anything that can identify them to someone they know IRL.  Well, with the exception of a certain occasion when I did speak to my mom. 

BTW, can I say how many times I have cleaned out my cupboard hoping to find the bottle of Tylenol 3?  Every time I clean the cupboard out, I hope the med is there.  I'd love for it to be and would have no problem apologizing.  I have 3 small kids, a husband and job to boot - trust me, there has never been a conspiracy.  The fact is that the med disappeared that day - from a locked place.  I only saw one other person in the place.  The person I thought took it, I did not think still read my blog.  I came to my blog to bitch and even so, used no name or detail that would give them away IRL.  I was shocked when I found it was gone - and appalled.  I came to vent.  AND...the fact is SOMEONE took it.  I would think most people in my place would connect the dots.  The person I suspect may have taken it swears up and down they did not take it - yet has never said one word to me - only to everyone else.  Yet, I have the big mouth?  I have said nothing to anyone.

Did anybody here know that my son is named after my uncle Paul?  My son is named Christopher Paul.

That's it for now,

Cowtits - oh wait, I mean Welee

 

Valley ~ 59% Water ~ 59% Wind ~ 66% Earth ~ 55% Fire ~

I have tripped into a valley that is blue 'til you can see Let’s see... your personality reminds me of the... ...warm Citrine that stands for abundance, protection and stability. Your colour is a dark yellow or orange. Interpretation: Out of the seven chakras, the Creative Chakra, which is associated with the element of earth and represents our need to preserve and grow, seems to be predominant in you. Though this guarantees you success in your job and in managing home and family, it may result in a materialistic outlook or becoming a workaholic. You can balance it by wearing an Amethyst; its illuminating attributes that activate the Crown Chakra help us recognise the big picture and gain a spiritual outlook on life. A Tarot references concerning your predominant element: If you are a young lass or lad and still unmarried your card is the Page of Pentacles. Young women, especially married ones, identify with the Queen of Pentacles, also known as the Queen of Diamonds. If you are a young, unmarried man, you are the Knight of Pentacles, and married or “mature” males are identified with the King of Pentacles, commonly known as the King of Diamonds. Ladies and gentlemen, here is your reliable man you’ve been looking for. These are the results you will get if you score highly on... None of the four elements: Balance Wind: Gust Fire: Blaze Water: River Earth: Valley Wind & Fire: Thunder Wind & Water: Clouds Wind & Earth: Canyon Fire & Earth: Lava Fire & Water: Tornado Water & Earth: Trees Wind, Fire & Earth: Storm Wind, Fire & Water: Stars Wind, Water & Earth: Forest Fire, Water & Earth: Avalanche All four elements: Harmony

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 15% on water You scored higher than 38% on wind You scored higher than 36% on earth You scored higher than 45% on fire

Link: The Elemental Balance Test written by Nitsuki on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

I do not understand why it is necessary to get the kids all bundled from neck to toe and then grab the umbrella when walking in a pretty warm rain.  This is what all the other parents do when dropping their kids off at school or the Y.  Well, not me.  We are the ones who walk and enjoy getting wet, laughing all the way.  And if we find a big puddle, we stop and jump in it several times.

Ben dropped Sam off this morning and before hearing my thoughts on the subject, he told me that he and Sam hit every puddle.  I guess that is why we are married, lol.

 

"Meow!!!!  Since my new Mommy isn't joining her friends with getting pregnant again, she adopted me!  Actually, I was chosen by all of the family to be the newest member.  I am super friendly and am so glad to have seen the back side of the SPCA.  I must admit tho that I am really a boy, neutered of course; however, Sam and Kit are convinced I am a girl.  Thus they named me Buffy.  It is either that or with a name like Buffy, they are certain no vampires will come around.  Hey, as long as they keep sneaking me the cat treats, they can call me whatever they want to!"

"Hey Carie, you might notice I do not have digits; therefor, I am not a raccoon." 

Life has a way of getting us to where we are supposed to go even when it is not always clear.  Many roads lately have gotten to the point where I am. 

For a long time, I have been searching for something - like religion, a hat to wear, a place to call home.  I tried to wear that hats that I thought should fit- but too often they just did not.  By my nature as a child and into my teens was always one of strong spirutality.  A clear sense of my purpose and right from wrong.  I had a strong connection to the earth and all of God's creatures.  For many years, I had always assumed God was a woman until I was told other wise.

I have been reading a wonderful book, called Dance of the Dissident Daughter, by Sue Monk Kidd.  I swear this book was written just for me!  It has reached and touched something inside of me.  It has helped me identify the missing or lost thing in me.  It makes sense why all these things are coming together at this point for me.  I am beginning a journey of self.

I have always believed that life is about balance.  The sad thing is on a most basic level, the femine balance has been lost.  It is so easy not to see cause the world is based on mostly man principles.  From the very beginning of the bible, women are born into sin.  Men are good.  Eve basically tricked Adam.  This is just the way it is.  But my stating this is not to have a theology discussion at this point, it is to explain where I am.  I do not see the feminine and masculine balanced.  I do not feel it.  There is a little girl/woman/crone in me screaming to be heard and not compliant.  I want to explore the Feminine Divine and all her gifts.  I am so familar with our masculine God - but I can't see how something as spirutual as God can be so biased.  Instead of searching to others for answers, I think by looking with in, I will be discovering my feminine stength.  Thru her/me, I will find a more balanced world.

For a long time I have said that my biggest problem is dealing with me when all are asleep and it is just me.  I suspect that is cause there is something lacking, hurting, missing and I am going to find it, mend it.  I am going to grow stronger.

No, I am not leaving my family to find some crazy cult where all we eat are protein drinks and my new name is Rainstorm.  But, I have pulled out my crystals and oil lamps with scented oils.  I am again wearing my agate for strength.  Instead of asking for persmission with certain things to Ben (BTW, not a rant on Ben... he is awesome and I love him!), I am explaining my feelings - even if that means we have to agree to disagree.  Good man that he is, he is open to where I am coming from and meeting me in the middle.  And I am stopping giving unimportant people, like work people the power to influence me, what I think of myself and caring what they think of me.  Think a mix of Green Fried Tomatos and Shirley Valentine and a hint of When Stella Got her Groove on.  The only difference is that unlike some of those women, my husband and kiddos are coming for the ride.

Other tid bits:

- We took the kids to My Little Pony Live on Thurs.  It was a hoot.  We then took the kiddos out for hot fudge sundaes.

- Thinking of getting a cat from the SPCA.  Kids and I are on board.  We are working on Ben.  The kids fell in LOVE with a white cat with odd colored eyes named Puff.  Due to a mix-up, there is one family ahead of us.  We were told his name was Buff so when the other family applied for Puff, they did not see our app and the other family was offered Puff.  (They did not show today tho to get him.  Stay away other family!!!)  Our second choice is either a gray tabby named Julia or a gray calico named Patches.  Fingers crossed Ben gets on board!!!!

- Sam peed on the basement floor tonight cause she was to lazy to go the toliet.  Needless to say, she was punished.  She went right to bed and was not to happy about it.  To freaking bad.

- Kit has taken to hoping  in bed with me at around 2 AM.  He says Momma is most comfy and Dada like Kit's bed best anyway.

- Susanna got her third tooth but in a weird place.  It is on the top left between where the front tooth should be and the eye tooth.  I think it is the top lateral incisor. Stange eh?

On that note good night!