My journey of self continues.  I have been reading everything I can get my hands on concerning Wicca, The Femine Divine, Shaminism.  I feel like I have come home.  So many of the words I read are like "Yes, that is what I already do/think/believe!"  And it is things that I have done/thought/believed over my life time.  For the first time, I am not hesistating in saying with confidence that this is where I am coming from and what I think.  It feels so good after literally years of trying to figure it out.  Nothing ever felt right and I was always trying something.  This is different with out knowing it, I have really been this basically forever.  Now I am just learning more of the specifics, which is awesome.  My thirst to learn is just endless.

The thing I am so comfortable about is that with Wicca, you pretty much can do whatever works assuming that it does not hurt anyone, including yourself.  I have always been a big "I am spiritual, but not nothing specific."  And the reason we "tried" Judiasm is cause it was somewhat flexible.  Again, that was not a fit.  Wicca, is big on being responsible for your own actions and what you put out, comes back to you.  Kinda like my Karma is a boomerang, lol.  I have also felt so strongly that even when I do not agree with other people's religions, that they have the right to believe what they believe.  Respect.  I can agree to disagree with someone and still like them.  Yet another YES moment is that respect of different religion is important.

I feel such a sense of joy and strength as I start out on my spiritual journey.  I feel liberated and empowered as a woman.  For me, finding the balance of female and male in myself and refusing to accept that women are born into sin, has freed me.  Everything in nature is balance and pretty much a female needs a male and vice versa.  It makes sense that this would apply to a greater power, for me.  If I could give a visual for how I feel about this, it would be the taoist Ying Yang.

"  Tao (pronounced "Dow") can be roughly translated into English as path, or the way.  It is basically indefinable. It has to be experienced. It "refers to a power which envelops, surrounds and flows through all things, living and non-living. The Tao regulates natural processes and nourishes balance in the Universe. It embodies the harmony of opposites (i.e. there would be no love without hate, no light without dark, no male without female.)"    "

 

 

That's all for now.  Kid's squabbling and not so peaceful, lol...

Yesterday I was reading The Tiniest Fairy to Sam and when I looked at her, she was leaning forward with her chin resting on both palms as her elbows leaned my my thigh. She was so engrossed in the story - her eyes pleaded for me to continue as they
sparkled with anticipation.

I started to get choked up as I read to her. I am not sure if it was her intensity or the sharing of a yule story with her or both- regardless, it was one of the moments I will never forget. As I read, I felt myself get the chills at several points and when I looked at my daughter's arms, so did she. (It is not cold in the house...)

As I continue on my journey of self discovery, I am finding that many of the things I read about Wicca, are already ways I lead my life.  There are so many things that are "YES" moments for me and/or things I have, or bought, or do.  It's like finding an old pair of shoes that you have forgotten about and putting them back on again.  Reading the story to Sam was definately a "YES" moment.

You Are 88% Thankful

You're an incredibly thankful person, and everyone around you feels very appreciated. You inspire people to be more optimistic, forgiving, and grateful.

 

http://www.blogthings.com/howthankfulareyouquiz/

http://www.llewellyn.com/free/mpq.php

 

Your Q Score is: 6

The Q score ideally should be as small as possible, indicating maximum agreement among elements. However, even a tiny Q score may not mean optimal functioning, since all four elements may in fact be relatively undeveloped.

Your Primary Mythical Creature

Water Types
The main strength of the Water types is feeling. The second element indicates the most probable focus for this emotional expression.

 

Your Shadow Creature

Air Types
All the Air types have problems relating to irrationality and trust. The weakest element indicates the main focus of these problems.

So Ben camped out for 36 + hours.  The deal seemed to be that the first 10 people were going to either get a unit for the PS 3 or a rain check.  He was number 7, so life was good.  Well at 5 o'clock I get a phone call telling me to get a sitter and get there ASAP.  They were extending the offer to the first 14.

I figured that it was in fates hands.  Either my baby sitter was going to be available or not.  I was not dragging the kids there for 7 hours.  Well, our sitter was available and I went.  Lady luck was on our side cause I got number 14! 

Once the units went on sale, the first 6 got PS 3 with 60 gb.  The next 4 were offered either a rain check or a PS 3 with a 20 gb.  (Obviously the 60 gb re-sells better, sometimes bigger is just better, lol...)  However, numbers 11-14 were issued a rain check and we are guarenteed a 60 gb!!!!!

Right now a 20 gb unit is selling for between 1000 - 2000 for a 500 investment.  The 60 gb is selling for about 1500 - 5000 for a 700 investment.  I am really hopeful that Ben's hard work will pay off.  It would be wonderful to be able to pay some bill off and everything I charged on the ccs for Christmas. 

One man there was going off on a tirade that it is wrong for people to sell them on Ebay and make mad money cause that means some regular kid won't get it on Christmas.  Well, I said that yeah, be that as it may, by doing this, my 3 kids will have what they want on Christmas.  We live in a country with free trade, so be it.  And you know what, anyone like Ben or  peope 1-6 who were there since Tues morning, deserve it!  They weather was a down pour with tornados wathces.  They were all outside in the rain, set up in tents.

Most the people there were very cool tho.  I had a lot of pizza delivered on Weds.  And then yesterday I brought by hot coffee for everyone.  Last night when I got my number 14 slot, they were all like, "hey it's the food lady!"

Here are some photos of the set up...

And I am his lunatic wife for allowing the following, lol... Ben is in line waiting at Walmart for the next 36 hours or so in order to be one of the very few who will be purchasing a Play Station 3 when they are released Friday morning at 12:01 AM.  You may have always wondered who the weirdos are who do that kind of thing... well now you know.

You Are a Peacemaker Soul

You strive to please others and compromise anyway you can. War or conflict bothers you, and you would do anything to keep the peace. You are a good mediator and a true negotiator. Sometimes you do too much, trying so hard to make people happy. While you keep the peace, you tend to be secretly judgmental. You lose respect for people who don't like to both give and take. On the flip side, you've got a graet sense of humor and wit. You're always dimplomatic and able to give good advice. Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul, Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/

 

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love. You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't? You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky. In fights, you speak your mind and don't hold back. You know you're right, and you can get quite angry about it. Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

http://www.blogthings.com/yourlovelifesecretsrevealedquiz/

I am very pleased to say that we shocked the heck out of my sister for her shower this past Sat.  My mom and I have been working on it for awhile.  When we first picked a date, I knew we had to come up with a way to throw her off track.  Lets face it, anyone who is getting married or having a baby for the 1st time is pretty sure that they will be getting a shower.  They look at there registries getting purchased and start looking at the calender as time marches on.

I decided the best way to throw her off was to give her bad information.  The real date of the shower was Sat Nov 11th.  I called her before my mom called her to say she had to come down that weekend.  In my best giving it a way tone, I told her we were having an Early Thanksgiving Dinner at Io e Tus on Sunday Nov. 12th and that she should bring a big car and her husband.  Io E Tus is the restaurant that I had my baby shower at, my cousin had her baby shower at and we had my sister's bridal shower at.  It hit her and she was like AHHHHHHHHHH.

It was then set she was coming down for the weekend.  My sister suggested that they go shopping for the baby that Sat and my mom said great that they'd have lunch too.  The plan was going perfectly!  See, my sister can bee a bit skeptical.  So fooling her was no small feat.  My mom also can't keep a secret to save her life, so this allowed for her to talk about the shower with my sister - only with no details of when and where.  My sister never needed to ask, cause she thought she already knew!  HA!

My cousins Andrea and Kara met me early to help me set up - altho many people got there even before us.  I teased them all that they should know better than to get to an affair our family is having early.  They are lucky we got there early, lol.  Ben helped too while the kids socialized.  After the surprise tho, Ben took the kids back to Andrea's house where her husband, my cousin B was with their kiddos.  All the kiddos get along very well and had a blast playing.  And that meant mommies got to eat their food in peace!  (Andrea and Kara are the female half of the cousins that I met up with at Knoebles a few weeks ago...).  Andrea, Kara and I sat with my sister, my mom, sister's MIL and a few friends.  I really enjoy hanging with Andrea and Kara and now my sister is closer and was there obviously cause it was her day, it was even better.  We got to eat and chat, in peace, which is such a treat!

When my sister walked in the room, her whole body turned crimson and she started beating on her husband, lol.  I knew we succeeded!  She was truly surprised.  Yeay!  The rest of the day was lovely.  Food was awesome, lots of fun people and my sister made out like a bandit.

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is medium. In general, you prefer to have only one love interest. But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long! There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering. Experience Level: Your experience level is high. You've loved, lost, and loved again. You have had a wide range of love experiences. And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is low. This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced. You know a relationship is not about getting your way. And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom. Cynicism: Your cynicism is low. You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance. No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter. You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate. And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon. Independence: Your independence is low. This doesn't mean you're dependent in relationships.. It does mean that you don't have any problem sharing your life. In your opinion, the best part of being in love is being together.

http://www.blogthings.com/thefivevariablelovetest/

I wonder if people who can derive pleasure and make mockery of PPD ever had a child?  I read something tonight at a place that I have not visited in well over a year - nor have I made random, anonymous comments either, BTW and was shocked or perhaps saddened to see that my PPD was a source of amusement.  I must give credit to the blogger in that they didn't actually bash my PPD, but their friends sure did.  Ironic because in the past I have found that some are offended when they are bashed by friends of another's blog.

I am proud of myself for recognizing my PPD and for getting help.  There is nothing to be ashamed about for a chemical imbalance after birthing a baby.  And I am now going back off the PP medication and am stronger and healthier than ever.  So if any fuck off losers are lurking in the shadows, shove that up your asses and spit it out your mouths.  Stupid fucktards!  What would have been better?  Say nothing and get worse?  Idiots.

What you put out comes back to you thrice.  I have NEVER intentionally tried to hurt someone.  I do not act out of malice.  Even when wronged, I have a heart and try to show kindness and compassion.  It is funny to be accused of having a big mouth by a herd of sheep of this place that I wish I did not visit tonight.  Aside from venting here about people IRL on occasions, I always speak in code and NEVER write anything that can identify them to someone they know IRL.  Well, with the exception of a certain occasion when I did speak to my mom. 

BTW, can I say how many times I have cleaned out my cupboard hoping to find the bottle of Tylenol 3?  Every time I clean the cupboard out, I hope the med is there.  I'd love for it to be and would have no problem apologizing.  I have 3 small kids, a husband and job to boot - trust me, there has never been a conspiracy.  The fact is that the med disappeared that day - from a locked place.  I only saw one other person in the place.  The person I thought took it, I did not think still read my blog.  I came to my blog to bitch and even so, used no name or detail that would give them away IRL.  I was shocked when I found it was gone - and appalled.  I came to vent.  AND...the fact is SOMEONE took it.  I would think most people in my place would connect the dots.  The person I suspect may have taken it swears up and down they did not take it - yet has never said one word to me - only to everyone else.  Yet, I have the big mouth?  I have said nothing to anyone.

Did anybody here know that my son is named after my uncle Paul?  My son is named Christopher Paul.

That's it for now,

Cowtits - oh wait, I mean Welee

 

Valley ~ 59% Water ~ 59% Wind ~ 66% Earth ~ 55% Fire ~

I have tripped into a valley that is blue 'til you can see Let’s see... your personality reminds me of the... ...warm Citrine that stands for abundance, protection and stability. Your colour is a dark yellow or orange. Interpretation: Out of the seven chakras, the Creative Chakra, which is associated with the element of earth and represents our need to preserve and grow, seems to be predominant in you. Though this guarantees you success in your job and in managing home and family, it may result in a materialistic outlook or becoming a workaholic. You can balance it by wearing an Amethyst; its illuminating attributes that activate the Crown Chakra help us recognise the big picture and gain a spiritual outlook on life. A Tarot references concerning your predominant element: If you are a young lass or lad and still unmarried your card is the Page of Pentacles. Young women, especially married ones, identify with the Queen of Pentacles, also known as the Queen of Diamonds. If you are a young, unmarried man, you are the Knight of Pentacles, and married or “mature” males are identified with the King of Pentacles, commonly known as the King of Diamonds. Ladies and gentlemen, here is your reliable man you’ve been looking for. These are the results you will get if you score highly on... None of the four elements: Balance Wind: Gust Fire: Blaze Water: River Earth: Valley Wind & Fire: Thunder Wind & Water: Clouds Wind & Earth: Canyon Fire & Earth: Lava Fire & Water: Tornado Water & Earth: Trees Wind, Fire & Earth: Storm Wind, Fire & Water: Stars Wind, Water & Earth: Forest Fire, Water & Earth: Avalanche All four elements: Harmony

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 15% on water You scored higher than 38% on wind You scored higher than 36% on earth You scored higher than 45% on fire

Link: The Elemental Balance Test written by Nitsuki on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

I do not understand why it is necessary to get the kids all bundled from neck to toe and then grab the umbrella when walking in a pretty warm rain.  This is what all the other parents do when dropping their kids off at school or the Y.  Well, not me.  We are the ones who walk and enjoy getting wet, laughing all the way.  And if we find a big puddle, we stop and jump in it several times.

Ben dropped Sam off this morning and before hearing my thoughts on the subject, he told me that he and Sam hit every puddle.  I guess that is why we are married, lol.

 

"Meow!!!!  Since my new Mommy isn't joining her friends with getting pregnant again, she adopted me!  Actually, I was chosen by all of the family to be the newest member.  I am super friendly and am so glad to have seen the back side of the SPCA.  I must admit tho that I am really a boy, neutered of course; however, Sam and Kit are convinced I am a girl.  Thus they named me Buffy.  It is either that or with a name like Buffy, they are certain no vampires will come around.  Hey, as long as they keep sneaking me the cat treats, they can call me whatever they want to!"

"Hey Carie, you might notice I do not have digits; therefor, I am not a raccoon." 

Life has a way of getting us to where we are supposed to go even when it is not always clear.  Many roads lately have gotten to the point where I am. 

For a long time, I have been searching for something - like religion, a hat to wear, a place to call home.  I tried to wear that hats that I thought should fit- but too often they just did not.  By my nature as a child and into my teens was always one of strong spirutality.  A clear sense of my purpose and right from wrong.  I had a strong connection to the earth and all of God's creatures.  For many years, I had always assumed God was a woman until I was told other wise.

I have been reading a wonderful book, called Dance of the Dissident Daughter, by Sue Monk Kidd.  I swear this book was written just for me!  It has reached and touched something inside of me.  It has helped me identify the missing or lost thing in me.  It makes sense why all these things are coming together at this point for me.  I am beginning a journey of self.

I have always believed that life is about balance.  The sad thing is on a most basic level, the femine balance has been lost.  It is so easy not to see cause the world is based on mostly man principles.  From the very beginning of the bible, women are born into sin.  Men are good.  Eve basically tricked Adam.  This is just the way it is.  But my stating this is not to have a theology discussion at this point, it is to explain where I am.  I do not see the feminine and masculine balanced.  I do not feel it.  There is a little girl/woman/crone in me screaming to be heard and not compliant.  I want to explore the Feminine Divine and all her gifts.  I am so familar with our masculine God - but I can't see how something as spirutual as God can be so biased.  Instead of searching to others for answers, I think by looking with in, I will be discovering my feminine stength.  Thru her/me, I will find a more balanced world.

For a long time I have said that my biggest problem is dealing with me when all are asleep and it is just me.  I suspect that is cause there is something lacking, hurting, missing and I am going to find it, mend it.  I am going to grow stronger.

No, I am not leaving my family to find some crazy cult where all we eat are protein drinks and my new name is Rainstorm.  But, I have pulled out my crystals and oil lamps with scented oils.  I am again wearing my agate for strength.  Instead of asking for persmission with certain things to Ben (BTW, not a rant on Ben... he is awesome and I love him!), I am explaining my feelings - even if that means we have to agree to disagree.  Good man that he is, he is open to where I am coming from and meeting me in the middle.  And I am stopping giving unimportant people, like work people the power to influence me, what I think of myself and caring what they think of me.  Think a mix of Green Fried Tomatos and Shirley Valentine and a hint of When Stella Got her Groove on.  The only difference is that unlike some of those women, my husband and kiddos are coming for the ride.

Other tid bits:

- We took the kids to My Little Pony Live on Thurs.  It was a hoot.  We then took the kiddos out for hot fudge sundaes.

- Thinking of getting a cat from the SPCA.  Kids and I are on board.  We are working on Ben.  The kids fell in LOVE with a white cat with odd colored eyes named Puff.  Due to a mix-up, there is one family ahead of us.  We were told his name was Buff so when the other family applied for Puff, they did not see our app and the other family was offered Puff.  (They did not show today tho to get him.  Stay away other family!!!)  Our second choice is either a gray tabby named Julia or a gray calico named Patches.  Fingers crossed Ben gets on board!!!!

- Sam peed on the basement floor tonight cause she was to lazy to go the toliet.  Needless to say, she was punished.  She went right to bed and was not to happy about it.  To freaking bad.

- Kit has taken to hoping  in bed with me at around 2 AM.  He says Momma is most comfy and Dada like Kit's bed best anyway.

- Susanna got her third tooth but in a weird place.  It is on the top left between where the front tooth should be and the eye tooth.  I think it is the top lateral incisor. Stange eh?

On that note good night!

So tonight was busy.  I ended up having basically 2 stations as well as hosting.  Instead of a thank you, I was told by bosses wife that my last friday of each month was no longer mine.  They needed to give it to a 15 year old.  When I asked why, I was told it wasn't really my shift.  Really?  I have only been working it for a year and a half now... 

I also switched my Tues night with the Monday night girl so I can take the kids trick or treating.  Everyone else trades.  Well bosses wife tells me that she can work my Tues but I can not work her Monday.  Apprarently only I am not allowed to switch. 

I waited for wife to leave and asked boss about it.  He was dumbfounded why I'd be upset.  It was only one shift.  Uh, and like 100 bucks from my pocket.  Duh, I am not rich thus me working....  And he did not know about the Monday.  He said I can come in the Monday. 

I pressed that I am reliable and that I am there for the money.  Hello, I have kids, this is not extra beer money or shopping money.  Like they give 2 shits.

I sucked it up cause the cash is good most of the time.  But, man, I feel like I left my self respect at the front door.  I have kids, so I will put up with it - but man, I really hate it and boy do I wish I could tell them to fuck off right now.  I am so pissed.

Been following nurse's advice and not stressing.  Had sex twice and NO bleeding!!!!!  (And it was GOOD sex too, LOL...)  I did get PPAF 2 weeks ago and maybe that was the problem before hand.  Had awful radiate ovary pain, but that could be O-ing and PCOS hand in hand.  So over all, not thinking C word anymore and I won't go back there unless Doc says too.

Still working out.  Did not use inhaler today before and had nasty asthma attack.  An appt with pumlinologist in 1.5 weeks.  I was calm tho and used my inhaler and was fine.

Susanna stood yesterday with out holding onto anything and tried to walk.  Her cruising days are numbered and she will be walking soon.

Sam wants to learn to play the guitar!

Kit knows the complete ABC's and sings them to Susanna all the time.

Sam and Kit have nick named Susanna, Kiki.  Where they got that who knows?

We are taking the kids to the My Little Pony Live Show next week.  We have 8th row, center stage tickets.  You know you are a parent when that gets you all jazzed, LOL.

Found a women's group locally that I met with Monday night and it was awesome!!!!

This summer I will be taking Sam away for a few days to a woman's gathering in Northern PA.  It just for women and girls - all about the strength and spirit of being a woman.  I am very excited!!!!!!!  Ben is so supportive about it and will watch Kit and Susanna for me.  When Susanna gets bigger she can come to.  I will make sure that Kit and I get some quality one on one special time before we go.

Kristin has the sweetest u/s pics I have ever seen.  :)

Too much to do, not enough time.  Must get kids down for nap and ready for work.  Peace, Love and Happiness.  :) 

The nurse called actually.  She said not to stress at this point.  If I have any other bleeding in the next 3 weeks, then I have to have a D&C.  I guess that means I actually have to have sex again, heaven knows with all of this I just feel oh-so-sexy...

It seems like lately all I have blogged about are bad things.  It just seems like health has not been at it's best in my house.  I have not blogged about one issue I have been having for awhile, but today I am going to because it is the root of my fear, thus this entry.... 

I have been having bleeding after sex.  I have had this in the past when pg, but being I am not pg, I decided to call my GYN.  They scheduled me for an appt.  At the appt, he tried to find my cervix, but after 20 mins or so with every speculum in the office, he could not find it.  It was way to high.  So he had me go in for a u/s.

The u/s itself was a PIA.  Being not pg, I had to drink a ton by 7:45 cause the u/s was sch for 8:30.  Well they were running behind and by 9:30 I told them I was going to wet myself.  Soon they called me in.  The u/s tech was having trouble getting all my uterus cause it was so long and big.  She was going to make me wait another 15 mins.  I was like, "uh, no cause I will pee on your table."  It was close to 10 by this point.  She said we could do a vaginal u/s and I didn't have to have a full bladder for that.  Why didn't they give me that option to begin with!!!!

During the u/s she told me that my uterus is over 2 cm bigger than normal and then let it slip that there was fluid in it.  When I asked what they meant.  She got very evasive and tried to back step and say they didn't learn about that at u/s school.  From that point on, she didn't really tell me anything else, but became much nicer.  After I got dressed, she walked me to the door, the outside on of the building and pressed on me to call my doctor soon for the results.  It was odd, but at the time I wasn't really thinking about what it meant.

That night after work, I put my symptoms into google, just to see what came up.  I often do this to get a heads up.  Well I wasn't expecting the answer I got. 

Before I go further let me preface that I KNOW that a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing.  I also know that I could be completely wrong and all this worry can be for nothing.  Unfortunately logic and emotion do not always connect.

Well these two things are symptomatic of cancer in the uterus, specifically the lining.  My find immediately flashed to my uncle who was diagnosed with cancer and died 3 weeks later (pancreatic) and my great grandmother died on uterine cancer.  Altho I am not post menstrual (a big factor with this), I have PCOS, I am overweight, I was GD (diabetes a factor) and I have high estrogen (after births).

As my mind began to reel, I decided to cross reference asthma with this tidbit of information.  We still have not been able to figure out what has triggered my asthma to be so bad (this is the worst it has ever been).  And some women who have asthma, it gets worse when hormonal things happen.  Oddly enough, my bleeding issues and asthma started around the same time.

I am waiting on my doctor to call me back.  I am pretty sure that he will schedule me for a D&C.  They can test the cells and fluid to see what it going on.  The u/s tech let that slip.  So here I wait.

Again this may be nothing.  However, at my age, cancer is a word that I never expected to hear.  I am trying not to let it overtake my thoughts.  But as I watch my kids, I can't even imagine that they could grow up with out a mother.  (Things being the worst that it...)  All I can hope that IF there is a problem, we caught it early.  I would just tell them to take everything out and that G-d that I have the 3 wonderful kids that I do have.

I can deal with the prospect of a hysterectomy.  I can deal with the thought of chemo and/or radiation - no hair and all.  I can not deal with the thought of not being here with my husband and children.

Today the doc listened to my chest and told me that my chest is horribly tight.  I am using my abuterol every 4 hours and the Singular does not do anything for me.  We talked about my nursing.  He said I should stop and then I could be put on oral steroids.  I said NO.  He understood even tho disagreed and then referred me to a pulminologist.  I have an appt in 3 weeks.

Later today when getting Sam's flu shot, the ped asked me what was wrong.  She said she could hear me breathing as soon as she walked in the door.  I told her about my asthma.  She said that with nursing I could use a neb with Pulmicort.  She has asthma as well and she said it really helps her.  She also reassured me that since it goes straight to my lungs, the amt transferred to Susanna would be minimal.

After we left, I called my doc and pushed for it.  I got the pulmicort today, but can't get my neb til tomorrow.  I am hoping it will work and the permanent vice grip on my lungs lets up.  I am so tired of being tired, hearing myself breath and feeling like the fat lady from the circus has permanently planted her ass on my chest.

On a happier note, Susanna can now pull herself up.  This child is going to be my earliest walker yet!!!!!!

 

We are finally cootie free in the House of Lee... YEAY!!!!!  This weekend, some of my (nice) cousins were going to Knoebels, which is an amusement park in central PA.  Even tho it wasn't really in the budget, we decided to go for the weekend too.  We actually did not go until Sat cause I worked Fri night (which was well worth it cause I made 165 and that pretty much covered everything aside from the hotel and a few meals out...).

We left Sat after Sam's swim lessons and got there about 2 hours before the park closed.  The park is VERY kids centric.  It is closed after summer, but opens for 1 weekend in Oct for a HUGE craft show.  The timing was perfect cause it let us go on a few rides and blow off some steam before going back to the hotel.  The hotel had a restaurant, which was very cheap yet very tasty!  We had a yummy dinner and then caught up with with my cousins.

We saw K & M first.  They are kid free (so far) but will be getting married next Oct.  We chatted for a bit.  K gave us 2 beer for me and Ben later.  It has been ages since I had a beer, lol.  She offered more, but we are light weights now, so I said no.  :)  We then went to B & A's room.  They were settling the kids down for bed.  J is 3 and A is 1, so they also have early bedtimes.  Ben took Sam and Kit on an adventure so K, A and I could chat in the hallway (all women) as Susanna sat and played.

It was fun chatting but also made me miss my gal pals who I usually do the hotel hallway gabbing with.  :)

After a bit, Susanna and I met Ben and the kids upstairs.  He had Sam and Kit in bed watching 1 show before sleep.  I nursed Susanna and she passed right out.  She then went right to sleep in the crib.  I swear that child is the sweetest thing.  She is just so sweet and so good.  Sam and Kit would NEVER have gone to sleep so easily.  Sam and Kit passed out about a half hour later (in part to a trick my friend Michelle taught me, lol...).

Ben and I packed some cards  (a game called Magic) and while the kids slept, we played and drank our beer.  Cause we were sharing a room with the kids, we did not want to put on the TV, which ended up being better.  We played for several hours and chatted and hung out.  It was really nice.  We used to play cards a lot before the kids and we haven't in ages.  It was so nice to just play.

I ended up with all the kids in bed with me.  I didn't mind.  Truthfully, I LOVE having the kidlets in bed with me.  Ben got a nice big bed to himself, which he also did not mind, lol.

The next day, we had breakfast with all our cousins and headed to the park.  We had SUCH a nice time.  Sam and Kit braved up to go on both the kiddie roller coaster and the haunted house.  Sam loved both, Kit not so much, lol... but he wanted to try, so we said yes.  We talked about the haunted house being pretend, so he was OK with it. 

There were TONS of kiddie rides and of course we hit them all MANY, MANY times over.  I just LOVE watching the joy on the kids faces as they experience things that are just so new and wonderful.  It is more fun than doing it myself.

The men all went on the bumper cars together and LOVED that.  They may get bigger, but they are ALL still boys at heart, lol.  We spent some of the day as a large group but then some of it on our own.  It was really nice.  We can't wait for next year.

Here are some pics...

A very passed out Kit!

Daddy and the kiddos hanging out.

Momma and Susanna watching the big kids ride.

A very cute Susanna.

Sam and Kit on the Frogger saying "Rib it!"

Everyone loves the bumper cars.

Sam and Kit LOVED the Whip.  The went on 3x In a row.

Sam showing her very special fairy necklace the Momma got for her.

 

 

 

Guess who now has blisters on her hands, feet and mouth????? Samantha???? No.  Susanna???  Not any new ones.  Yes, folks, me... I am a grown up 37 year old woman with H F & M.

Excuse me for a moment... O$%)($@_@#)*$_@(#*$)@%()&(*&#_*!_@)#$(_@$%@#&$*&@y()%*&@#$)%_@#)$(*_#@)($*_ #*%)_$@#()@_#$98349!!!!!!!!!!!  .

Ok, now that I got that out, I am going to take some Mortin and go to bed. Just wanted to share my joyous news. 

The blisters popped out today.  Luckily she is doing better.  I found a remedy of mixing even amounts of Mylanta and liquid benadryl numb the sores in her mouth.  I use a q-tip to apply.  She was actually crawling today and playful.  She crawled to the stairs and tried climbing them.  Luckily not sucessfully.  I mean, hello Susanna, you are only 6 1/2 months... 

I now think it was what Sam had a few weeks ago.  Suzanne, Susanna did not have crazy temps, but Sam did a few weeks ago.  She also had blisters in her throat.  Kit then had crazy fevers but that is it. 

From what I gather, H F & M hit kids differently.  Some kids do not get any symptoms.

Now poor Ben has blisters in his mouth.  I am never going to be germ free again!!!!  My guess is we caught the cooties at child watch in the gym. Alas, that is a necessary evil if I ever plan on finding my feet again.  And I guess the more antibodies the better, right????

I still think my doc could have been more sympathetic.  And if I could find the remedy for pain relief (Benadryl Mylanta thing...), shouldn't he have that?????

So many questions, so little sleep, lol....

Linda and Susan, I did not mean to miss you guys (and anyone else I missed...) on my shout out entry.  The more kids, the less brain cells I have....

Boy do I wish I was going to be in Disney.  Altho with Susanna having H F & M, I guess it is good we aren't going.  Have fun everyone.

Nighty, night!!!

 

 

Susanna is sick.  The doc thinks it is Coxsackie, however, no blisters on hands or feet.  She does have a few in the mouth tho and eating/drinking is awful.  She doesn't even want to nurse which kills me.  My kids have always wanted to nurse, even when sick. 

Susanna is usually the happiest, most pleasant child ever.  To see her so fussy is just awful.  Even Motrin is not helping with enough relief to make her want to nurse.  We have been watering down baby fruit and feeding her liquids by a spoon.  So far, she is at least hydrated.

The doc today didn't seem to on the money.  We use a practice of peds and I do not particularly like this doc.  It could be Coxsackie, but since he didn't even swab for anything and also said it could also be herpes 1 (Which btw, no one in our house has...) and/or the chicken pox - we'd have to wait and see...  I am thinking of taking her to our family doc instead.

I HATE when the kids are sick.  I wish it were me 10x over than them even once.  My poor Susanna.

I received the following email today from a close friend/relative (who btw, I love very much....).  It had two things in it and this was the 2nd thing.  I will let you read it and then I will tell my thoughts on it afterwards...

 

 

I must say that I found this offensive.  Don't get me wrong, I HATE terrorism and I wish terrorists a special place in hell.  However, as I read this, all I could think was what about muslim/americans who may receive this email.  How would that make them feel?  If my kids read (if they could read yet...) my email, what would this email be teaching them?  Racial slurs are racial slurs.  Towel head, Kike, Wet back, Nigger, Mic, Chink... all are equally awful and I want no part of any. 

If you look at any race, you will find both good and bad.  Spreading hatred and bigiotry is not what I want to teach my children and how I want to lead my life.

What is even more ironic, is the person who sent it is Jewish.  Tolerance...  I wish there was more of it in the world.

I have been running like a maniac and working extra shifts, so I am SOOOO behind on blogs, boards and emails....  So many of you have been on my mind and in my prayers (and I DO mean that!)

Michelle, I am glad that Gabe is head ache free and everything so far went well!!!  Also YEAY for Fayeth and growing so well!!!  :)

Suzanne - thank you for the email and hug.  I needed it.  I know by the board that I missed something.  I hope that you are doing well cause you are geniunely caring and kind.  (((HUGS back at you!!!)))

Carie - hugs for you and Conor.  I do not look forward to those moments.  I hope his head is feeling better and your heart.

Kristin & Jen - hope your pg selves are feeling well.

Tiff - Gage is gorgues.  He and Susanna will look great together.

Lynn - hope your saint and prayers get the trailer sold.

Jess - If I haven't said it... congrats on your new home!!!!!

Laura, Amy, Renee, Ari, Karen, Sarah - if you guys are lurking... HI!!!!

Susanna needs to nurse and I have 5 hours to get some sleep til Kit wakes up.  So, I am back to running.  Miss you guys!!! Will update on my mental status later.  Not in the crazy house yet.....

 

 

Many people died in a horrible terrorist attack on 9/11.  Today, my blog entry is dedicated to one of those people lost in a senseless act of terror.

Andrew Fredericks, age 40.

Place killed: World Trade Center. Resident of Suffern, N.Y. (USA).

Many prayers to all those who lost family and friends.  May all those who died, rest in peace.  May those responsible, I believe Karma will pay them back in spades. 

I am the 2017^th blogger to sign up for the 2,996 Tribute project.

One little, two little, three little sick children and one very tired Momma.

Sam came down with a fever on Tues of 105.  Went to the doc on Weds.  Did a strep culture.  Had to wait a few days.  Started meds just in case.  She started getting better.  Culture came back neg.  Who know what it was.  Luckily meds worked.

Last night both Kit and Susanna got sick.

Haven't slept thru the night cause kids feeling badly.  I hate when they are sick.  Wish I could be if it meant they'd be healthy. 

Altho, they will get better.  And I will sleep again (in about 18 more years...lol)  :)

SUCKS!!!!!  Did you know that there is another Ben and Wendy L## out there now trying to buy crap and have us pay.  BASTARD!!!! 

We are lucky tho that we caught it early - we think.  All credit cards and bank details have been changed.  The items that are not ours have been taken off the credit cards and I called the vendors as well to cancel the fraudalant services.  Stupid theif bought a domain name, online with stolen cc info.  DUH!  There dept is going to try to track the IP address.

We have also had to contact all the credit agencies to put a fraud alert on our credit.  If anyone tries to run credit in our name, they have to call us at a specific phone number before running it.

I have had to contact the FTC and the police.  The police officer was great and works in conjuction with other fraud specialists in the area on breaking up fraud rings.  We will be meeting with him when I get hard copies of all info that he needs.  They need that to prosecute to SOBs.

Needless to say this has been a real PIA.  I hope they catch the SOB and he/she is screwed.  I will be doing EVERYTHING in my power to make that happen.

I never thought this would happen to us.  The only way I see them getting this info is by going thru our trash!  How gross...  I think we will be investing in a shredder.

Sick, sad world...

 

Update Crazy house:

I went to the head shrinker on Tues and she was very nice.  She told me that my stay would be short lived and that if I left with nothing else, that my list of positives FAR outweighed any negatives that I am facing.  (Yeay, I am NOT really insane...)

I was given several things to do for homework.  1.  Buy a notebook.  2. Describe the face of my anxiety.  3.  Keep track of when I have attacks, what triggers them and if I win out or the anxiety does.  4.  How do I view myself.  I have been a good girl and have been doing my homework.  So far I have learned that many of the anxiety trigger come from fear of something bad happening to the kids.  I am not sure what to do with that info, but hey, it is more than I had a week ago.  AND... I do think that stems from Sam's accident.  I really suspect that there is some post traumatic stress contributing... But, hey, that is what the head shrinker is for.  She will help me help myself.

Update Susanna:

My sweet baby is now crawling pretty well and has cut two bottom teeth.  This child is 5.5 months.  She is the baby.  She is the last.  She has a mind of her own like her big sister Samantha.  Heaven help me.

Update McDonald's:

I took the kids to McD's for dinner.  Sam was dying for a Polly Pocket (boy do I dislike those things) and Kit wanted a Hummer.  So we went and then the kids romped around the play gym together while I fed Susanna.  It always surprises me how badly behaved kids are.  What even surprises me even more is how parents ignore their kids while they are eating and then are shocked that they act up.  And I really can't stand seeing someone close to Sam's age sitting in a highchair.  If Kit can sit in a regular chair, c'mon!

So there were were in insanity land.  However, Sam and Kit were sitting in their chairs eating their food while I had Susanna in the highchair eating her Cheerios and applesauce.  And we were... *gasp*... talking to each other.  The kids knew they had to eat most their dinner before playing and both had to be done so they could play together.  When they were done, I reminded them that they were buddies and needed to play together.  Off they went to put their shoes in a cubby.  Kit could not climb the stairs part, so Sam came up with a plan.  She got on all fours, so that Kit could climb on her back to get to the next level.  She then joined him.  They repeated this until they got to the top.  Very shortly after wards they came down the slide and ran over to me to see if I saw what they did.  I praised them and told them that was wonderful team work!  And when we got home Sam would get a lady bug and Kit would get an airplane (a reward magnet board we have).  They cheered and were back off playing.

The lady at the next table asked me if I home schooled.  I answered no, but I had thought about it seriously.  I asked her if she did.  She said no.  I didn't think anything of it at the time. 

Later she was asking if anyone knew what time The Pirate movie started.  I said I could find out and pulled out my phone.  I have a link on my phone web page.  So I looked it up and told her.  She was like, "What can't you do?  And you have 3 kids."  But I am not sure she meant it to be nice.  Between that and the home school comment, I think I was being insulted.  However, that is fine with me.

If I am a weirdo cause I like to talk to my kids, I enjoy teaching them things, and I enjoy their company, then too bad.  It's not that is isn't hard; but, it is exceedingly rewarding.  I talk to my kids all the time.  They help me with the food shop.  We discuss the food and such.  Ben and I both are always trying to do fun and educational things with them.  What is wrong with that?  And excuse me that my kids know how to act in public.  I do not care if it is McDonald's or Lebec freaking Fin.  Good manners are still good manners.

I felt like saying WTF is wrong with homeschooling, organization and decent manners?  But I chose to smile and play with my kids instead. 

Crazy world, eh?

Ben's birthday Update:

The man turned 31 yesterday.  I got out of work early and surprised him with man flowers... aka... a 6 pack of nice imported beer and a nice dinner.  We had celebrated his bday on Monday, our day off, as a family.  The kids and I made a cake and decorated the house.  So Ben got 2 bday parties.

Bed update:

Time for me to go to sleep.  Nighty night!

First, I checked into our insurance about what I need to do to talk to a counselor.  Most benefits you can get on line, but not for mental health.  No, for that you have to call, tell a complete stranger what is going on and then get approved.  Like it isn't hard enough...  But, I called and I got a nice lady.  She approved me for unlimited sessions with both a counselor and a psychiatrist. 

Even better tho, I called one of the counselors and made an appt for Tues.  I am very nervous.  I know the facts and can tell you what is wrong - sort of - I just do not how to get thru it and get to the other side.  So, I do think it will be helpful.  A big part of me is so afraid that I will get there and she will be like, "you are fine.  WHY are YOU here????"

This is a HUGE deal for me.

Second good thing I did today... I told Ben what was going on.  He was so supportive and caring.  I think I have been shutting him out a lot cause I was so afraid of being crazy.  He understood a lot of what I was saying.  He also said he felt bad that he couldn't help me.  I told him that I really think I need an outside perspective to help me right now.  He is too close to me.

Ben also said that he has known (and this is true) that there are many skeletons lurking in me and maybe it a good thing that it is coming to a head.  It may be the most freeing thing for me.  (Fingers crossed!)

I am not sure if I will go see a psychiatrist.  I was told they pretty much just do medication.  I really like me regular doctor and I trust him.  I'll see what the therapist says.

I also want to say thanks for everyones support.   I know I have been very MIA.  Your friendship means the world to me and really helped me brave up and do something to help myself.  You ladies are the best people in the world and I love you all dearly.

Once again it is too darned late and I am still awake.  Part of it was I was playing Civilization (and I won btw, yeay me!) - but more so, it is me avoiding sleep. 

I think being a woman is hard.  Being a PP woman is even harder.  And I hear menopause is EVEN harder, luckily I am not there yet.  It is the mental in the head thing that is so hard.

When it comes to being a parent, I am fine.  I am comfortable that I (pretty much) know what I am doing with the kids.  They are healthy and happy.  They know they are loved.  They are well taken care of.

As far as running the household, I am fine too.  Doctor appts are made, bills are paid, house is cleaned, food and supplies are stocked.  So I am good on that as well.

Being a wife, I think I am pretty good.  Lunches are made, clothes are washed and ready to go, fridge stocked with good snacks, the house is mostly ready for when Dh gets home.  I listen and take interest in his work.  We still enjoy each others company.  Not really much sex life, but we have 3 kids under 4.  Also, I feel way to fat to feel sexy.  BUT, we are joining the Y M C A and I will be working on that.

The problem is me and when I am alone with me.  I think I am afraid to go to deep in my head.  It is hard to explain.  I think sometimes a lot of it is post traumatic stress from Sam's accident.  So many things during the day trigger this rush of anxiety.  For example, if I am in the shower and I hear the kids playing loudly or running around, my heart starts to pound I am sure that something horrific has happened.  (I was upstairs the morning of her accident and it was the sound of Ben yelling for me and running with her in his arms that woke me...)  I hear a song that brings me to that time and I cry.  I see something on the TV that has to do with something bad happening to a kid and I have to turn it off.  I am always afraid when the kids go up and down the stairs that they are going to fall down and wind up hurting themselves.  Sometimes I can't even watch.  Usually these awful feelings are for a split second and I shove them deep down inside myself.  I am thinking that mental shove the bad feelings into it tank may be full.

I worry sometimes that I will never quite be OK again.  I will always worry too much.  It is always a struggle to let my kids do normal things cause I am so afraid something bad will happen.  I make myself do the right thing, but man, my stomach is in knots A LOT.

Then it snow balls.  I start feeling badly about myself.  Look what happened to my kids.  Maybe I am a bad mother.  Maybe I am a bad wife.  Maybe Ben will find someone better cause I am a fat cow.  It is awful.  And then when I am exhausted, it doesn't help.  Nor does the crazy woman hormones.

I do not even know if any of this makes sense.

I am hoping the increase in crazy meds will help.  Then there is the part of me that wonders if the med isn't just a band aid to mask what is really wrong.  The fact that I can't control this and fix it myself as well, kills me.  I should be able to control and fix everything.

Then I feel like an idiot for even thinking about this, let alone saying it out loud.  Do I need the crazy house?  And then I feel lonely sometimes cause so many of my friends are so far away.  Another problem is when I feel badly, I tend to withdrawal.  I am great at expressing happy things, not so much with bad.

Had my follow up with my doc.  Crazy meds need to be adjusted and upped a bit.  And despite my oral asthma med (singular), he can still here wheezing, so an inhaler has been added.  Boy do I hate RXs.  But, hey whatcha gonna do?  Sanity and breathing are necessary, right?

Made a decision that we will be joining the YMCA as a family.  Sam loves her swimming lessons and the fact is, Ben and I need to get our asses in the gym.  Susanna will be 6 months in a few weeks.  They have child watching.  The kids need to be at least 6 mths.  The YMCA is right near Sam's preschool, so there is no reason I can't hop over 3x a week while Sam is in school and have Kit and Susanna play in child watch while I get my big ole butt on the treadmill.  Actually, the thought of working out again is exciting.  Pre kiddo days, I LOVED being in the gym!  By joining as a family, we will also get a discount on Sam's swimming lessons and whatever other programs we sign the kids up for.  And we can use the pool all winter long.  Ben is off Mondays, so he can work out with me then.  And then 2 nights a week, he can go over himself for an hour.

Ben and I really want the kids to see us as active and enjoying it opposed to fat and sitting on our butts all day.  We figure this is something we can all do as a family.  I am hesitant about the dollars, but if it were the computer or something, we;d figure it out.  This is our health, so we WILL figure it out.  By taking active measure now, we can hopefully stay fit and healthy for a long, long time.  And by being a member of AAA, we get dollars off, so that is nice.  Life is short, less McDonalds and more swimming/working out.

Other tidbits... Susanna is now crawling, only she goes backwards and then gets SOOO mad cause she has gone the wrong way.

I am tired and rambling, so I am going to get some sleep.

I feel a rant coming on soon tho, so check secured pages from time to time.  When I have the energy, I will rant there.  And since most of you guys all have passwords, you can be sure that it isn't about you, LOL.  ;)

Nighty night!

 

Editing to add:  My comments in L's blog was not to make anyone feel badly.  I know many of you guys visit me.  I can see it on my tracker.  :)  There was a time it made me feel sad, but then I questioned why I blogged.  I then knew that I blogged for me.  I wanted a journal of my life.  I do feel lucky that I have so many dear friends who care enough to read about the adventures of the Family Lee.

Also, I know I am the first one who reads but does not post comments as much as I should, so trust me, I am not casting stones at glass houses, LOL.  Promise.  I actually am amazed at how well some of you guys keep up on blogs and boards.  I struggle sometimes just getting everyone up, dressed and out the door on time, LOL.

Once again, I ramble.  I hope I did not hurt anyone's feelings. 

 

STOMP!

"I HAVE HAD IT!" exclaimed Samantha.  STOMP!  STOMP!  STOMP!  The whole house stopped.  Ben and Christopher were on their way upstairs, but froze.  Susanna had been nursing but pulled away to see what the commotion was.

"Samantha," I asked, "What do you mean?"  I truly was not sure what she had it with.

"I HAVE HAD IT!  I DO NOT WANT ALL YOUR ATTENTION!  I AM NOT A BABY..." but soon the screaming made her word not understandable.  I waited for her to take a breath.

"Sam, come here," I told her, patting my lap.  On no, I was not sure I was ready for this conversation.

"Fine!" She curtly retorted as she marched over to me.

"I need you to take a deep breath and tell me what is wrong."

"Well Momma," Sam started, but soon was rambling and yelling so fast that I could not understand.

"Whoa, honey, slow down and do not yell.  I want to understand." I reassured her.

"Well, I feel like you treat me like a baby.  I am NOT a baby like Susanna.  I am NOT little like Christopher.  I am a big girl now," she stated.

"Yes, you are." I agreed.  "But what is the problem?"

"I am frustrated.  I should be allowed to play outside by myself and not have to go to bed so early," she said.  "I should be allowed more privileges cause I am older."  Privileges?  When did she learn that word?  Ben and I shot a glance at each other.  He smiled that all knowing, better you than me look as he scurried up the stairs with Christopher.  So there I sat with both my baby and my big girl on my lap searching for the right words.  I knew this was a tender moment.  I wanted to be the kind of mom that my kids could come to and talk to.  I wanted her to feel positive about expressing herself.  On the flip side, there was no way under God's blue sky that she was going to be allowed to play outside by herself at her age.  And I needed to make sure that all though I am open to compromise, that it was clear that I am the parent.  Yikes.

"Well Samantha, you have a point and I am sorry..." her eyes widened with disbelief as I said my words.  I do not think that is what she expected me to say.

"Really????"

"Yes, you are a big girl and perhaps there are big girl things you should be allowed to do."

"Can I go outside by myself and play?"

"No sweetheart, that is not good judgment, you are still too young," I answered.

"I have an idea," she smiled.  "Dad is going to mow the lawn.  He can keep an eye on me if I play by the swings while he mows."

"That is a great idea," I smiled.

"Thanks mom," Sam started to get up, but I interrupted her.

"Sam, wait a minute..." She sat back on my lap next to Susanna.  "I want you to understand something..."  I paused trying to chose my words.

"It's okay Momma, just talk, " Sam said, patting my leg.

"You are my first baby.  I mean my first child.  I do not mean to treat you like a baby.  But being you are my first, I am learning too - just like you.  I want you always to be able to talk to me and tell me how you are feeling.  Then together we can figure it out.  OK?"

"OK Momma," she answered.

"Now I may treat you like a baby sometimes, but aren't there some big girl things you get to do?"

"Maybe..." she shyly smiled.

"Like what?" I asked.

"Maybe Kids Camp..."

"And?"

"Swimming lessons..."

"And?"

"Play dates with out Momma staying..."

"So even though Momma doesn't always get it right, I am trying Sam."  I reassured her.

"I love you," she said as she squeezed me with the biggest hug.

"I love you too," I replied.  "Now go outside while I put the baby down and go read your brother a book."  Ben came down and took Samantha out with him while he mowed.

After I got both Christopher and Susanna to sleep, I came downstairs and straighted up, putting all the toys away.  I was not ready for that conversation.  Wasn't that a conversation that I wasn't supposed to have until Sam was 12 or 13 or something like that?  And what kind of scares me is that I think it is the first of many, many, many more.

 

1.  The sales lady in Kmart told Ben that the kids could give him a lesson on how to listen.  (The kids were walking with me, holding the cart, like they should; whereas, Ben was off walking down the toy isle holding things up and asking, "Can we get this?  Can we get this then?  How about this?")  Yes, my true love is the biggest kid of them all!

2. Kit stamped is foot today when Sam did something he did not like and told her, "I do not appreciate that!"  My 2 year old is just beginning to speak and yet, he knows and can use the word appreciate.   When did that happen?  Then later that day, he got mad at Sam again and said, "Kit moving out."  We asked where he was moving to.  He replied, "The basement."  (Our playroom is in the basement.)  Where do kids come up with this stuff?

3.  After playing outside Sam tells us that she needs a bath cause she is dirty.  At first we tried to pawn it off til tomorrow.  She did not like that so she pointed to her knees and said, "But look at my beautiful knees... they are so full of dirt.  You can't even see that they are beautiful anymore."  Needless to say, she got her bath.   

4.  Love is when you are nursing your baby and she stops for a moment to look at you, smile and coo before resuming her before bed snack.

5. While waiting in line to get everyone ice cream, Sam backed up 50 yards and then ran full force to me, then hugging me when she got to me.  The reason:  she wanted to give me the biggest hug ever.

6. Susanna may be small, but has no problem cooing to get your attention from across the room.  Once I walk over, she smiles the biggest toothless baby grin and I am putty in her hands.

7. Shortly after the sun comes up every morning, Kit sneaks into our room quietly.  He crawls into bed next to me and kisses my face while he thinks I am sleeping.  He also says things like Nice Momma and Love You Mama.  He will do this for about 10 mins before he falls asleep next to me for another hour or so.   My heart just melts...

8. You know you are with the right person when after 10 years of marriage, you can look at the same thing, think the same off the wall thought, laugh at the same time with our ever saying a word.  (You confirm later that you are indeed laughing at the same time...) 

Needless to say, I love my family.  Sometimes it is easy to forget to stop and take notice of all the little things that makes me love them so much.  Today I decided to write about a few fleeting moments that enrich my life so much.