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So there is the family! We are very blessed, but very busy. Both Ben and I are wondering how the heck we are going to do this, LOL. Any words of wisdom from 3+ kiddo mommies out there is Blogsville?
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Sunday, March 12
by
welee
on Sun 12 Mar 2006 05:41 PM PST
So there is the family! We are very blessed, but very busy. Both Ben and I are wondering how the heck we are going to do this, LOL. Any words of wisdom from 3+ kiddo mommies out there is Blogsville? Wednesday, March 8
by
welee
on Wed 08 Mar 2006 05:45 PM PST
1, Taking percocet for pain when very, very, very tired can make you forget you holding a baby. To be safe, I will not take it anymore thus greatly increasing my pain level. (BTW, nothing bad happened, but my mind thinks of all the what-ifs...) 2. Walking all over Walmart to get the shop done with a husband, one kid, one toddler and one 5 day old 5 days after surgery is foolish. You end up sitting in the middle of the isle with you kids and cart after 45 mins while you send you husband to different parts of the store. 3. You know you look like complete shit when your almost 4 year old looked at you and said "Mama, I know your body feels bad." "How?" I asked. "Well..." she explains, "You look fat. I mean very fat. Yes, your body REALLY hurts. You are so fat. I mean you are fatter than a jungle hippo. You are that fat..." "Thanks Sam."
Tuesday, March 7
by
welee
on Tue 07 Mar 2006 05:46 PM PST
She arrived 3-3-06 at 11:50 AM. She has APGARS of 8 and 9. She is just perfect. The repeat section was rougher that Kit's. I had an epi this time instead of a spinal. With the spinal I felt nothing. I can not say that this time. And it was MUCH longer. Ben stayed with me the whole time, even when they sewed me back up. I would not have held up so well on my own. Thank heaven for pain medication. I really need it this time around. And my feet are so swollen right now that you can not see my ankles at all and there is a crease where my feet meet my ankle. Susanna is doing great. She nurses like a champ altho has beaten up my nipples more than Sam or Kit ever did. My milk is already in, I could feed a small nation. I think my boobs are bigger than Susanna. Really. She sleeps very well (knock on wood...). Sam LOVES helping with the baby. She got to feed Susanna a bottle of EBM last night, with Ben, and was in heaven. Kit kisses and hugs her all the time, loudly shouting, MINE, MINE, MINE BABY! Of course it will take time to get back in the routine of things. We have all talked (well me, Ben and Sam) about how we all have to be patient and help each other out while we get used to our new family dynamic. I am sure things will get nutty, but it will be a good nutty. (I have cheated and copied this for boards....) Soon to come... Why are my feet the size of pluto? Why does the body need to store enough poop to fill the grand canyon until we go after a section? Is it necessary that my poop is a greater weight than my baby? The injustice of pain of a c-section that is still keeping me from sleeping in my bed... Why do doctors and hospitals try to PUSH formula feeding when breat feeding is so good and it is clearly what I want? And I am SOOOOO endowed with milk? Susanna is going to be retested for billirubin today. She was at 12.7 when we left hosp yesterday. Even butt tired, how nice is it to take a moment, sit back and look at all 3 of your kids in the same room? Sweet....
Thursday, March 2
by
welee
on Thu 02 Mar 2006 05:47 PM PST
in less than 24 hours, I am having a baby!
Tuesday, February 28
by
welee
on Tue 28 Feb 2006 05:48 PM PST
Amnio update: Had amnio. Was scared shitless before hand. Having them before does not lessen the fear, LOL. I had a great doc, couldn't really feel it. Came back fast and good. Baby Lee is ready to be evicted!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DH brag: It is easy to bitch about the annoying things that husbands do. They say Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Well sometimes it seems like they are really from UR-Anus. However, they do sometimes do the most loving, sweet things. Ben and I have not been doing the deed. I have been feeling such crap and he has been leaving me alone at night to get what sleep I can. Well I have been having the most wild sex dreams. Of couse I tell Ben about them and he is like, yeah me too. So yesterday we were out to lunch after the amnio and we were talking about not having sex and this pg being hard. Then Iook at him and say sarcastically and jokingly, "What , you don't find all this sexy?" And we laughed. Later that night we were talking and I said that I feel really unattractive. He looked at me and was geniunely surprised. He thought I was just joking earlier. I explained that I do not feel sexy at all. I feel swollen, fat, stinky, gross, ugly.... The look on his face was so sweet and loving when he said that I still gave him that "special feeling". I was like, yeah right, but thanks for lying, I fell asleep in the big brown chair downstairs like normal. When I woke up during one of my many bathroom trips, Ben had gone upstairs to sleep. I was fine with that. He has been getting up at 6 with the kids so I can get a little extra sleep and work has been busy for him. Well later that night - around 2? - I was woken by Ben. He came down to tell me and then show me about a dream he had just had, Well you can use your imagination now because I am not going to get graphic. But, I thought that was a very loving, tender thing to do. I know that he got something from it too, LOL. It was also very lusty. But, the fact is, he got his butt out of bed, came down stairs to nicely wake me, spend some time together when he could have very well taken care of himself and gone back to bed. He did it cause he knew I felt bad about myself and he wanted to show me that he still does find me sexy and attractive. This may not make sense, but to me, this is such a nice thing to do. It is an affirmation that he does really love me and that means more to me than words can say. Married for ten years and almost 3 kids later, he still does love me, Anyone who can look at a 40 week pg woman and still... well yes, that is love! Friday, February 24
by
welee
on Fri 24 Feb 2006 05:48 PM PST
So you think it can't get any worse with fire ass and pelvis of pain.... until you catch the kid's sickness and find yourself coughing, sneezing, more cleaning of the pipes and barfing your brains out at 2 AM. You finally get back to sleep at 4 when and then your youngest wakes up at 5 AM. (Late you take him to the ped and find out the poor guy has an ear infection....) I am NOT going to jinx myself and say what else can go wrong. However, by this time next week, my baby will be out of me, I should be bfing her and taking lots and lots of good drugs. Wednesday, February 22
by
welee
on Wed 22 Feb 2006 05:49 PM PST
But nice Wendy has gone away for the next 10 days. Evil whiney, complaining and miserable Wendy is here instead. So be forewarned, that most of what will come out my mouth will be much moaning and complaining with much self pity. Understand, I have not slept more than an hour here and there for too long and there is no escape from pain. So, my pity party is not completely with out cause. But, it can get tiresome hearing the same person moan. Thus the warning. My OB is going to give me an RX for the fire hemroids on my ass. Prep H and other OTC are doing nothing. It was bad enough not being able to lay on my sides in a bed from the SPD. But now I can't even sit in a chair with the fire coming from my ass. And of couse, the pre baby cleaning of the pipes, does not help that at all. They won't take the baby early and my contrx are progressing my very slowiy. I alternate ice on my butt and super hot showers aimed at my butt. I live on tylenol (with no codeine, thanks a lot relative thief....) every 4 hours and benadryl every night, trying to get some sleep. Eventually exhaustion does beat pain, but only for a few hours before pain once again wins. I know I only have 10 days max left, but I am not sure how I am going to get thru them, let alone function. I am trying so hard not to be a slug with the kids. They really are so good and I do not feel like doing anything . I keep hoping my OB will give me some abient so I can sleep, but they won't. Grrrrrr.... So evil Wendy continues on. Nice Wendy will be happy and back once little girl Lee is out. Monday, February 20
by
welee
on Mon 20 Feb 2006 05:50 PM PST
Today I took the kids to CVS to pick up a few things. As always, the kids walk with me. I really do not use the stroller for them and have not for awhile. There is nothing wrong with using one, but for my family, I like the kids to be able to walk and stay close by. I feel the only way they learn this is by doing this. So, we do not use a stroller. When the baby comes, I plan on having her in the sling - so again, no stroller. (Until the learning to walk age to about 1.5, where both Sam and Kit needed to be in a stroller, lol...) So back to the story... we were in CVS. As we shop, I tell them one item at a time what we are getting. "OK kids, lets get dad some deodarant, it is down this isle," I say pointing to the isle. They will often run a little ahead and when they get to the item I tell them to stop. I often ask them which item they like best and then decide on the best item for price. Then it is off to the next item. Today when we got to the check out, an older cashier who regularly works there said to me that I have great control over my kids. They are two of the best behaved kids on a reguiar basis that she sees. Most parents let there kids run a-muck. It is particularly refreshing cause mine are so young. I said thank you, but my kids are just good kids, so they make it easy. She then said good kids come from good parents. I smiled and said thanks again. That just made my day. We often hear such nasty stuff in life, it is so refreshing to hear something nice. So I am taking a moment and shamelessly bragging about my well behaved kiddos. YEAY SAM AND KIT!!!!! Onto other stuff... I have decided to tell my one relation about the Tylenol 3 thief cause she has young kids and they see the drug addict fairly reguarly. I will do it in person and keep it low key. Being she has kids, young kids, I feel that she needs to know. And as far as the butt head who stole my pain med, I am just writing her off for good. I will not send her a thank you for the kid's presents (altho I was very tempted to write "thanks for the kids presents. Hope you found everything you needed..."), I think no contact will be enough. I can not prove it with physical evidence and this person has already proven themself in the past to be volitile and agressive. I do not need that. I just will never have her in my house or around my kids again. She is OFF the list! That there is the problem solved. And it is no real loss anyway. Thank you guys tho for the support and advice. If I thought there was something to refuge, I might, but I think this woman is in denial. Unless she is willing to admit she has a problem, she will never fess up and do the right thing. Back to happier stuff... Today;s NST showed baby girl doing great. My fluid is gradually going down which perinatal said is good. It means baby girl is practive breathing and peeing and doing all the stuff she should be. Yeay! And now is she comes, even with no amnio, they will not stop her. Come on down Miss baby girl Lee! Even if she lingers in the land of free rent, she will be here in 11 days. If she lingers, I will enjoy my undistrubed evening TV time and if she comes sooner, I will be holding my sweet new baby. Either way, I can deal. Night! Sunday, February 19
by
welee
on Sun 19 Feb 2006 05:50 PM PST
We had the bday party today for the kids and they had a blast. It was busy and lots of prep beforehand, but soooooo worth it. Everyone had a great time and my water did not break *stomp foot*. However, something unusual did happen. We keep all RX and anything dangerous things locked in a cabinet in the kitchen that only opens with a special magnet. I keep the magnet on the side of the fridge. You have to know the exact spot to put the magnet or the cabinet will not open. On the bottom shelf, upfront, I keep the things I use on a regular basis... my prentals, Colace, Glubride (diabetic med), Cosamin DS (for ruptured disk), benadryl, kids vitamins and the Tylenoi 3 (for pelvis popping problem.) I wasn't going to take any Tylenol 3 last night but I was in a lot of pain from getting ready for the party. I then was thinking about taking 2, but decided on 1 cause I only had 5 left. I do not take them every day. A RX of 30 has lasted me over a month. Anyway, I remember spefically putting them back in next to my Glubride cause I went back in and put 1 back. Well today a guest was in the kitchen when I went into the cabinet to grab a TUMS - an essential for any pg woman. It was just me and her. And then I shut the cabinet and put my magnet back on the side of the fridge. I then grabbed some empty pizza boxes and took them outside to the trash. The trash area is not far from the door. When I came back in the house a few seconds later, I saw this guest in my medicine cabinet. At first I was not sure what she was doing, but when she turned and saw me, she grabbed my TUMS bottle. I thought it very weird, but shurgged it off. Maybe my mind is too naive to think anything devious. Well tonight i went in to get my meds ready. (I have to space Glubride from prentals from Tylenol 3 ect...) To my surprise, my Tylenol 3 was missing. I called Ben in to look with me cause I couldn't believe it. We took everything out of that cabinet and it is NOT there. Who would steal pain medication from a pregnant woman? I mean WTF???????? I can't prove who stole it, but I KNOW what I saw. I am still shocked as I sit here and blog about it. I mean WTF???????? You come to my kid's bday party and help yourself to my pain meds? What a sick, sad world. Needless to say, I will not be inviting this person over anytime soon. If you want to know more, email me....
Wednesday, February 15
by
welee
on Wed 15 Feb 2006 05:51 PM PST
Tonight was my last night waitressing til after the baby comes. I was going to work into next week, but I can not do it anymore. It was SOOOOO freakling busy, good busy, but busy. And there is something wrong, when the 9 mth pg lady can run circles around the healthy, thin 16 year old. I made 120 more than the other girl I was working with. I made a total of 190 in 4 hours. It was insane. I was sure I was going to die... When I actually told my boss that I was getting my last 3 shifts covered, he said "Thank God! Now just take care of yourself and the baby...." Altho he has a knack for saying the wrong thing, he really is a nice guy - both he and his wife are... I know that when I run around, he worried that I was going to go into labor. I know I am a worker and not a slacker, so I know when I feel I have had enough, I have. I figure making it with in 16 days of the date is pretty good. Of course I am crippled right now and I have been having a lot of contrx. I just got out of the shower thinking that would stall them. So far, not, so I am going to time them. This little baby is pretty tough putting up with me running around like a freak tho. LOL. And like a good girl, once I got home, she has moved lots between contrx. Always reassuring. Ben was a good sport when I got home and rubbed my feet. Good man! I am off to check on and kiss Sam and Kit. I love to watch them when they are sleeping. They are too sweet. Before I go, Happy bday to Ari's Sean! Can't believe we are into year 4! Yikes! Nighty night! BTW, I can load everyone else's blog, but can not see mine for crap. Go figure! Friday, February 10
by
welee
on Fri 10 Feb 2006 05:51 PM PST
I had my u/s today and baby girls is currently 7 lb 15 oz. The tech and doc that did the u/s are the same one's that did Sam before she was born and they were with in an oz. Perinatal tends to be pretty good. I swear baby girl heard that she was going to be a moose and now is determined not to be the biggest baby born in the Lee household. SInce I have been home, uh, lets say, I've been having a very close and personal relationship with my toliet. I had to flush 5x in one sitting. And there have been many sittings. I have been having lower cramps (which I actually had before the u/s) like it hurts to get out of a chair. And now my nether region hurts like my insides are going to fall out at any moment. I was so bloody uncomfortable that I took another shower today while the kiddos played in the bathroom keeping me company. I just stood there with it as hot as possible. It made me feel better, but still uncomfortable. I decided that a nap was a good idea when I got the kids down for a nap. First Igot the infant carseat out and cleaned it, but then resisted the urge to do other stuff and went to sleep. I kept having cramps that woke me up from my nap in my brown chair. Grrrrr. This morning, before the u/s, was the first time I have lost weight since pg. I was 3 lbs lighter than I was last weekl. This may all be much ado about nothing. However, I have never really gone into labor on my own before. Sam was induced which 26 hours resulted in an emergecny section. With Kit, I had been in pre labor, of contrx every 5-10 mins apart for 2 weeks before my sch. section. Granted they were strong and even L & D thought we were coming back at any moment, we made it to section day. This my friends is all new to me even tho it is my 3rd baby. Wouldn't that be a hoot! Finally, did I mention we are getting abouta foot of snow from Sat to Sunday? So there you have it. Time will tell... Tuesday, February 7
by
welee
on Tue 07 Feb 2006 05:52 PM PST
1. Had to call health insurance cause they paid one week of NST, denied the next and then paid the following. All three weeks were at the same hospiital, same doctors, same everything. 2. Had an internal at the OB (ok, not that bad). Progress, but nothing thrilling. 3. Had to call insurance again cause they changed how my med supplies were to be paid (now by RX plan and not them); however, neglected to inform me during one of the 20 phone calls I made to them to find out specically how my maternity benefits would be changing as of the 1st of the year. They also neglected to tell their med supply company when the claim was called in for approval 2/1. I went round and round with them and my RX plan for 2 hours. RX plan refuses to pay it cause it was thru health insurance med supply company and not their pharmacies. I had to finally write an appeal letter to health insurance. Did you know that no supervisors are available to talk to during the months of Jan and Feb? And I can tell you that I am NOT going to get stuck with a $605.00 bill for diabetic test strips cause they advised me WRONG on a multitude of occasions. 4. Had to go to work. Got busy.... really busy. The 16 year old girl I worked with tonight got overwhelmed with 4 small tables - one of them walked out. So I ended up with 12 tables at one point - one of which was a 6 top and another was a 5 top. After the rush, I joked with my boss that I am still ok for a 9 month pg woman. My boss, the one who told me that I will need surgery to ever be thin again, told me that I used to be a good waitress but I am not anymore. I wanted to kick him in the balls. Most people can not handle 12 tables under the best of circumstances, let alone 9 months with baby! Oh and the 16 year old, who had 4 tables before I got there made just 40 and I made 80. How bad can I be? Twenty percent from most and compliments out the wazoo... oh yes, I suck.... 5. Ben did not answer any of the cell phones or the house phone on my 25 min riide home. Got home to a locked and dark house. Fumbled for keys and once I got in I found Sam awake. Ben had fallen alseep in her bunk bed with no phone and left her up. When I got angry and toid him that was unacceptable to not have a phone handy and answer it when I call because A. he is watching the kids and B. I am F-ing pregnant, he got pissy. Instead of applogizing, I got to hear how it wasn't on purpose and how I am am fault to cause I forgot my cell phone the other day when I was at the OB. Uh, hello dumbass, I was with my docs and he knew how to get a hold of me. And heaven forbid I went into labor, uh, I was with my doc! Oh, and the reason he fell asleep, he was tired and had a cold. BOO FREAKING HOO. He eventually said sorry after I came down from checking on Sam. (She heard use argue... so I went up to make sure she was ok. I explained that sometimes grown ups raise their voices just like kids do when they get frustrated. We always love each other even when we do not cetrain behaviors. She was fine...) So since he apologized, eventaully, I resisted the urge to continue to give him hell. So I bit my tongue and told him to go to bed. If I had to look at him, I would not have lasted with keeping my mouth shut. 6. So now I sit here, my legs in spasms from work - even tho I suck... I am 5000 years pg, my back hurts, my pelivs hurts, I have to pee every hour... I have had a crap day. Yet my DH is nicely asleep and I will be lucky to get a few hours. Yet, I manage not to fall alseep while watching the kids. I am so sick of stupid people.... 7. Did I mention our dyer died over the weekend? Now, lets end with a few good thoughts... 1. We had our taxes done yesterday and will be getting money back. 2. Had a sleep over at my cousin;s house on Sat with Samantha. Girls night out. My mom and my cousin took Sam out for lunch and the mall for the day and then I drove down to sleep over with her as well, Sam had a blast and it was fun. 3. My kids are great and are always full of hugs when I need them. 4. The baby moves all the time and I did not gain any weight from last week. 5. I will have the baby in 3 weeks at the most. 6. I can complain all I want here! Ok, time to watch Law and Order on TNT until I finally can pass out in my chair. Quick thoughts... Congrats to Michelle for getting the house. Jess, glad your Nanny is out of the hospital. Carie, I hope your computer is up and running. Wendi - go to Hawaii... just bring C - I am jealous! ;) Amy A. - ((((hugs)))). I hope things are going to be ok with M. Margie, hope you had a great weekend away. Ari - so what ever happened to your phallic catus? Laura, how much snow did you get? Tiffani - HAPPY BDAY! Kristin, Happy belated bday! Tammy, you need to start blogging again or sending email updates - miss ya! Leanna - congrats to Dan. Amy, hope you are enjoying GH as much as I am. Kyra, your day has sucked as much as mine - hope we have a better one tomorrow. Look Jen, I finally updated! :) Anyone I missed... hope you are all doing well!!!! Friday, February 3
by
welee
on Fri 03 Feb 2006 05:53 PM PST
Me and Ben!!!!! It was 10 years ago that we got married in Scotland. Almost did not make our own wedding cause I left my ticket at home, not realizing til we were checking in our luggage. Of couse, no time to go home and get it. They were not going to issue me another one and I started to cry. How could I miss my own wedding??? When the nice people in line started yelling at the Northwest people (horrible airline btw,,,) and under pressure, they finally re-issued my ticket. Got there the day before and met with friends in Edinburgh. That was the first time I was there. While out, I decided at the 3rd bar that I was tired (around 2) and another friend of mine, who also did not know Edinburgh decided we were fine to walk back to a friend's flat we were staying at. Somehow I found it. Ben was supposed to meet me there at 3 AM. Well the Scottish native, Ben, got distracted and drunk and lost, finally showing up at 5 AM with a pizza in hand. I yelled at him and then ate his whole pizza before having pre wedding sex in our friend's flat. Ben's dad picked us up the next morning. Our friends came up later. We had a small service and dinner and then a giant party with all our friends and family. It was an absolute blast. I drank Black beards all night (captin Morgan, coke and a splash of guiness...) The band and Ben's best mate had plenty of hash. And I had to body to get married in an ivory silk blouse and a short, short, short black mini skirt. Ben's hair was still long and mine was cropped short. I still remember when he let his hair down at the reception. It was just the moment when I realized that our wedding was wild and crazy and exactly who we were at that moment. Would not have changed a thing. We were completely unconvetional and we got married that way. Perfect. Despite everyone not thinkling we would last more than a month. Ben 20, me 26, him British, me American, only knowing each other 5 months, neither quite sure of what we wanted to do with our lives.... yet we knew better and married despite all the doubt around us. There are a few things in your life that you know, from the bottom of your soul, with absolute certainty. This was one of them. And here we are 10 years later. Even more important, we are still happy and in love. So happy anniversary to us! Here's the first 10 years down and the rest of our lives to go. Saturday, January 28
by
welee
on Sat 28 Jan 2006 07:45 AM PST
To have a baby. So pick a date and lets see who is closest. If all else fails, this little girl is being evicted March 3rd. So anytime between now and then is game for a bet. I love feeling her grow, but I am sick of being pg. I miss my neck, my ankles, the ability to tie my own shoes. I live at the dcotors. I miss being able to sleep lying down and walking with out pain every single second. Being that I am larger than several whales, my ruptured disk is throwing in with my pelvic problems and I am just a one woman freak show.... GD, Pg induced hypertension, too much amniotic fliud, SPD... Want the baby to be cookeed enough and healthy... but once she is... GET OUT! LOL. I try not to bitch too much IRL. Life goes on with the kiddos and their activities. Still working, still teaching Sunday School, still taking care of everybody. Ben has been good with helping with the kiddos and around the house. A little help, makes a big difference. However, I know some IRL people near me that need to be hit with the stupid stick. Let's see, there is a 17 year old complaining that she didn't want to clean the fridge at work cause her back hurt but wanted to know if I'd do it. UM, THAT WOULD BE A NO! Then there is another IRL person who hurt her shoulder dancing. She went to the doc and they said to get an MRI and RX-ed PT. Depending on the damage would depend if surgery was needed. She has lost no range of motion, so personally, I think altho it hurts, surgery is not going to happen. Then goes on complaining about the pain and how she just is not up for surgery... blah, blah, blah... This person knows I am having a c-section very soon and all. I wanted to scream SHUT UP YOU STUPID COW, But, I did not. I mean, you'd think that maybe one friend or family who lives close by might call to see if they could help me out instead of calling so I can listen to them moan? Right? I am determined to keep things with the kids as normal as possible and still do things. It hurts, I don't want to, I want to sit with my feet up... but I do not. For example, today I scheduled a playdate for the kids. Sam was really looking forward to it. I got my ass up and everyone dressed and in the car and there on time. Well, my friend forgot and was not home! Poor Sam, just sobbed, so dissappointed. (I took the kids out to TRU and we made a morning of it instead but still...). Do you think I wanted to go out in the morning, when I had to waitress that night? NO. But, I did cause as a parent you do things like that. You;d think my friend could remember or maybe write the date on her calander or call if she needed to cancel? WTF is wrong with people?????????? (I did call another friend today and set up another playdate for Sat instead...) I can honestly say, my normal patience and empathy is just gone. Please do not call me if it is just to complain. I just do not have it in me to be my normal sounding board. Where is Homey the Clown when you need him to give someone a good sock beating? (This is not directed to anyone who reads my blogs BTW...) I am going to stop bitching now. I will throw out a thanks to both Tiffini, Laura and Carie for listening to my moaning lately. I really appreciate it!!! Have a good night everyone. Sleep well in your beds and get some Zzzzzzz's for me! Monday, January 23
by
welee
on Mon 23 Jan 2006 07:42 AM PST
Sam wanted to know as she was sitting on the toliet, "Mama, why do BIG poops have to go through a small butt hole?" Any responses? Friday, January 20
by
welee
on Fri 20 Jan 2006 07:41 AM PST
And it looks ok for now, so that is good. However, I have swelled even more (3 more pounds in 2 days) and BP is up. So as of right now I have pg induced hypertension. We have to keep a close eye on everything to make sure that it does not turn into pre e. Good news for now. It is just weird cause I have never had high BP and I do not like the feeling or the look of being this bloated. I feel SOOOO unattractive right now. I have no neck, no ankles... blech! That's it for now! Tuesday, January 17
by
welee
on Tue 17 Jan 2006 07:40 AM PST
BP was 126/80 this morning and I am still as swollen as a pufferbelly. Headaches that won't go away to boot. (Altho Laura, the ice did get me to sleep the other night, TY!) But, no protein. So I was sent in for bloodwork and I will have a BP recheck next Thursday. When I got my blood drawn, my arms were so swollen that I did not even feel the needle go in my left arm and then she could not feel the vein at all! We got lucky with the right arm tho and they got blood. Fingers crossed that my bloodwork comes back ok.
Sunday, January 15
by
welee
on Sun 15 Jan 2006 07:39 AM PST
We took the kids to see Hoodwinked last night. I was going to take them on my own, but when Ben heard we were going, he wanted to go too. Luckily he was able to leave work a little early and join us. Ben never thought Kit would make it thru the whole movie - but he did! Both kids were great and it was a really fun night. We snuck in our own candy. I just can not fathom paying 4.00 for a candy bar, when I was able to get everyone's candy and drinks for 7.00 elsewhere. But we did splurge on a large popcorn. Something about the movies requires a bucket full of popcorn. Sam was memorized the whole time. She just sat there with her eyes wide open, slowly poppin skittles in her mouth. Kit sat in his seat most of the time, but occasionally wanted to sit on my lap. I never mind cuddles from the boy. The movie itself was pretty good. Ben and I enjoyed it as much as the kids and lets face it, many kids films are a little boring, lol.
Now onto not so fun things. I am really not feeling well. My blood pressure 2 weeks ago went from 100/55 on a reg basis to 124/74. Then last week at perinatal I asked them to retake it and it was 108/70. Still in the range of normal, but high for me. Perinatal asked if I was having any other problems. Not knowing what they were looking for, I told them how I was feeling. I have been having pain under my rib cage on the right side. I know it is not my galbladder cause I do not have one anymore. I have also been having trouble focusing at night. The said it sounds like it may be the beginning of pre e. Last appt I had no protein spilling, but since then I am having trouble focusing more often. Reading the computer is a bitch. I am also getting more headaches that are not going away. My fingers were so swollen today that my ring was stuck. Now granted I did have a little popcorn yesterday.... I am getting more nauseas on a reg basis - esp when I work. I am getting dizzy then too. I thought it was my sugar getting low, but now I do not know. I go to perinatal tomorrow for a NST and I have a reg OB appt on Tues. So my BP will be checked and on Tues they will look for protein. I just do not have a good feeling about this. I am almost 37, I am GD on meds and in both prior pgs, my BP NEVER changed, so this is big for me. And with 2 kiddos at home, wanting to still work, no family close by or very reliable, this would suck. I'd hate for Ben to have to use all his vacation now and have none for when the baby gets here. At the end of the day, I will do what is best for baby and me. It just sucks and I am so tired of feeling badly. I feel like all I have done lately here on my blog is bitch. Is everyone sick of me yet? Saturday, January 7
by
welee
on Sat 07 Jan 2006 07:38 AM PST
The scene: Work, at the end of the night after a very busy evening. Back hurts. Legs hurts. Body hurts. Characters: Me and my male boss. Boss said, "Hey Wendy, how much have you gained this pregnancy?" I replied, "About 40 pounds." Boss said with wide eyes, "WOW, that's a lot!" I explained, "Well, I never gain a lot until my diabetes comes back. Then it just piles on. I am not worried. The baby weight always comes off. It's just the extra weight that I had beforehand, that needs to go once the baby is here and I am done nursing." He stated, "Oh you will NEVER lose that with out surgery." I laughed, "Um, y'know JXX, I used to be really skinny once upon a time, like a size 8." He further clarified, "Yeah I know. but you'll NEVER be that again with out surgery." I shook my head, "Really? Thanks." Yes, I was 30lbs overweight when I got pg this time and I have put on a lot of baby weight. I am in my 3rd trimester and I KNOW a lot of it is bloat cause I can make hand prints in my hands and feet that last. I can't find my neck. I haven't seen my feet. I can't sleep. I feel stinky and leaky and gross. Y'know ladies, that lovely, I am just so lovely feeling - NOT! This is JUST what I wanted to hear at the end of a busy, PIA shift. LOL. Stupid man.... Thursday, January 5
by
welee
on Thu 05 Jan 2006 07:35 AM PST
Which is short for Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction. "The symptoms of SPD vary from person to person, but almost all women who have it experience substantial pubic pain. Tenderness and pain down low in the front is common, but often this pain feels as if it's inside. The pubic area is generally very tender to the touch; many moms find it painful when the doctor or midwife pushes down on the pubic bone while measuring the uterus (fundal height). Any activity that involves lifting one leg at a time or parting the legs tends to be particularly painful. Lifting the leg to put on clothes, getting out of a car, bending over, sitting down or getting up, walking up stairs, standing on one leg, lifting heavy objects, and walking in general tend to be difficult at times. Many women report that moving or turning over in bed is especially excruciating. One woman wrote, "There were days that I didn't think I was going to be able to get out of bed and actually had to roll out of bed and onto the floor to be able to do so!" Many movements become difficult when the pubic symphysis area is affected. Although the greatest pain is associated with movements of lifting one leg or parting the legs, some women experience a 'freezing', where they get up out of bed and find it hard to get their bodies moving right away--the hip bone seems stuck in place and won't move at first. Or they describe having to wait for it to 'pop into place' before being able to walk. The range of hip movement is usually affected, and abduction of the hips especially painful." To summarize, SPD is the mild form of this problem. Its symptoms often include one or more of the following:
I asked for something to help me sleep cause with this I have not been sleeping at all. Well God love my doc, she wrote me a script for Tylenol with Coedine! I still had to swtich a ton from bed to chair and chair to bed, but at least I did get some sleep. The nights I wait tables, I am in so much pain afterwards - I can not even describe. This I think is the worst pain I have ever experienced, labor included and don't forget I was in labor with Sam for 26 hours.... So I do not say that lightly. Oh the joys of being a woman, lol. Seriously tho, if I have to have pain, carrying a baby is sooooo worth it!
Wednesday, December 28
by
welee
on Wed 28 Dec 2005 07:34 AM PST
Well, I followed Jen's advice and gave Ben a 12 hour detail of my life. He looked at me kind of strange when i handed it to him, but, I explained it was to help him understand where I was coming from. I didn't want him always thinking I was having a go at him. He didn't say much about it, but he did get more helpful afterwards. So here's to hoping the lightbulb did go off! The rest of the day after Christmas was very nice. It was Kit's 2nd bday. I can NOT believe my boy is 2! Sam, Kit and I made a bday cake. It kids are too funny when we bake. They LOVE eating the batter and end up wearing almost as much as we put in the pan. After the cake was cooled and iced, the kids had a blast decorating it with M&M's and Hershey Kisses. I made a pinapple glazed ham for dinner. Ben also left work early. It made for a nice day. We also got done making the kids bday party invatations. We are going to have a joint bday party for them in Feb (late for Kit and early for Sam). Sam's bday is 10 days after my scheduled section and I just do not seeing making a bday party then. She does not mind ahving it early and is excited to share a party with Kit. Then yesterday, we had to take Kit to the doc yesterday. He spiked a fever over the past few days. Looks like he has an ear infection. The good news is that he is now on antibiotics, so in another day, he should be better. I stayed with Sam while Ben took the boy. She was sleeping. When she woke up, she was so upset that Kit was not here. She insisted that I get her a picture of him cause "Baby Kit is the best and I love him SOOOOO much." I was like awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.... They may squabble, but they do really love each other to pieces. My sugars have been going up. I think it is a combo of being more pregnant and all the freaking Chirstmas goodies in the house. I think I am golng to dump half the crap right in the trash. I just do not want them to get so high that I have to go back on insulin. It has been nice avoiding it this pregnancy! Last night at work, it was slow so I sent the other girl home. Then of couse we filled up. I went from having $11.00 in my pocket at 7 to having $100.00 at 9. Can I tell you how much I am beginning to feel it now. My legs, my pelvis and my back were on fire by the end of the night. It hurt so much that I could not sleep at all last night. It was my turn to get up with the kids, but I was in no shape to do it. So at 6 when Kit woke, I woke Ben up and made him do it. I usually would never do that, but I figured screw it, I am allowed to ask for help. So I did. He grumbled, but he got up. Yeay for me for asking for help! My right leg is still a mess today, I am hobbling around like I am 1000 years old. I am hoping the more I move, it will loosen up. I am scheduled to work tonight and I hate to give up the money. Oh well, the more I hobble, the more people will feel bad for the big ole pregnant lady and then will tip me, not for my skill but out of pity! LOL! I am off now to go play with the kiddos! Sunday, December 25
by
welee
on Sun 25 Dec 2005 07:34 AM PST
Last week, I had gotten pissed when he didn't put back my 409 and it took me 30 mins to find it, left the kitchen a freaking pit from when I worked the nite before, dishwasher full and I was trying to get the kids ready and out by 8:30. I called him on the phone and told him that I had HAD it and I needed some help. He was too busy to call me all day at work. Pissed me off even tho he is in retail and I am sure he was really busy. Friday night we went out but never really talked about it cause we were out on a date and God knows we do not get a lot of them. So I mentioned again that I feel not like myself and on edge. The day of Sam's Chirstmas concert, I had made video of the concert and of some stuff afterwards. I asked him to watch it but something always came up and I guess he couldn't find the 10 minutes to do it. Fast forward today... when we were showing my mom Sam's concert on the video, he taped over the past after that I had taped with Christmas this morning. I was pissed and it really hurt my feelings. It is not the end of the world, but I think because I have been feeling so taken for granted anyway, that I just saw red. I gave him a hard time about it in front of my mom. I know I shouldn't have, but I was so mad. He left the room and went up stairs. My mom then said that I shouldn't have done that (which I knew). Ben is a good guy guy and has a lot on his plate now with a new job and a new baby coming (really? And I don't?)... I bit my mouth. But I wanted to say and how much more am I supposed to freakling bend cause I already feel like a soft pretzel. We spend LOTS of time talking about his new job and discusing things... So my mom went down to the playroom with Sam and I went upstairs to apologize for saying something in front of my mom. I told him I knew I was wrong. But when I tried to explain why I acted out of character, we just argued. Luckily my dad and Kit were both sleeping and my mom and Sam were still in the basement (playroom). I do not even know if I can explain how it feels.... it's like he regugitates what I say yet somehow I am coming off as just having a go at him and he is a martyr... "I never do anything nice for you...." When all I want him to do is put himself in my shoes for 5 minutes. By the end we made up but I still feel really upset. I love him and for the most part he is a really great guy. I think the problem is that I make things too easy for him on a regular basis and he takes me for granted with out thinking about it. In my mind, I say to myslef, stop doing so much... but that is how I am. But at the end of they day I am 7 and half months pregnant, busting my ass with the family, the house, the bills (I do them), doc appts (which are a lot cause I am high riskj) and work (which is waitressing so I am on my feet), getting ready for the baby (which I have done EVERYTHING myself so far...) and I have not asked for one ounce of help or special consideration. Am I just being a bitch cause I at least expect him to notice or take the time to watch a 10 minute video that I made of the kids? And lets not even talk about not being able to sleep cause the pain in my crotch actually wakes me up on the off hours when I am not up peeing. I go back and forth between the sofa and a chair. And then of couse, it felt great to bawl for an hour after I busted my ass to make Christmas nice for everyone. Luckiily no one else expect him really knew. On a happy note, the kids woke early and were thrilled with all their pressents. When Sam saw how many gifts, she screamed on the top of her lungs, "OH MY GOD!" She and Kit are still busy playing gleefully. They were really happy with everything we picked and the when my parents showed up, it was like a second Christmas... Kit has Sam's cold, only his is in his chest. I am using the cold air vaporizor for him. He has a well visiti on 1/2, so if his cold isn't better by then we are going to the doctor anyway. So don't I sound like such a pathetic jackass on Christmas. I can't help it. I do love my husband. He is not a bad guy, infact he comes home every night, does not do the bar thing, does not cheat, is good with not spending money and I know he loves me... but I still am not liking him so much right now. I am so tired. All I want to do is go to bed and pull the covers over my head for the next month. Hope everyone has had a nice, stress-free Christmas! Thursday, December 22
by
welee
on Thu 22 Dec 2005 07:31 AM PST
Sam has had the nastiest cold the past few days. No fever, just lots and lots of snot plagued her with a very red, sore nose. I wasn't sure if she was going to be able to go to school today for her Christmas party and concert. This morning, she woke, still with a cold, but much better, so we went. The kids shuffled into the class when we got there as the parents went and sat in the pews, waiting. After 30 minutes the kids came in. Sam beamed and started jumping up and down as she walked when she saw me. Momma, Momma, Momma, she mouthed. I of couse got choked up and waved to my girl. The kids assembled in the front of the church and sang 4 Christmas carols and rang jingle bells. It was too freaking cute. From the moment Kit saw Sam, all he did was laugh and clap his hands. He just adores his big sister. That worked for me cause it allowed me to video and take pictures at the same time. Thank heavens for 2 hands, lol. Afterwards, we had cookies and juice/coffee. The school had Santa come too! I thought Sam and Kit were going tio jump out of their skins with excitement. I am so glad she was well enough to go today! Here's a pic of the kids after the concert.
Sunday, December 18
by
welee
on Sun 18 Dec 2005 07:29 AM PST
Today as I was leaving Sunday school, a lady was shocked to hear that I am pregnant. I was like what??? She said that she thought I was just chubby. Now understand that I am ALL belly (will post a belly shot tonight...). You see my belly about 15 mins before the rest of me gets there. There is NO WAY that you can not know that I am pregnant. What a dumb ass.... Speaking of Sunday school, my class is so cute. The kids have such a good time. I have gotten a lot of compliements lately and there is now a 13 year old who wants to be my assistant. Too funny! I even got a present from one of my students. I was like AWWWW... I thought it was really nice especially cause we only meet 2x a month. Today Kit came with us to give Ben a break. With the holidays and his new position, he has been working a lot. Kit was very good in class. Today was a fun day cause we went over Chanukah and had a party. Sam said her favorite part was the dreidels and the chocolate, lol. I have now hit the part of pg where when I lay on my side, my crotch feels like it is going to fall off. You know, that pounding, unrelenting pain. So I have only been able to fall asleep in a chair and it takes me forever to get to sleep. Then once I do get to sleep, I have to get up to pee... LOL... the joy of pg! It's weird cause in 9 weeks, my baby is going to be here already. Where has the time gone????? I must admit tho, I am excited to meet this little wonder. I already feel very close to her. I think with each pg, I have mellowed and it has made it easier to bond while pg. With Sam I was such an anal mess... everything worried me! I think I am going to have a combined bday party for Sam and Kit in Feb (late for Kit, early for Sam...) I just do not think I will be up to having a party when the baby is 10 days old. Now I have to decided if I am going to invite all the family or if I am going to just do a kid do. The thing is we have some kiddo cousins that I want to invite cause they are kids too, but then how can I invite one relative and not another... KWIM? I also do not want to spend a bloody fortune. But if we do it at home, how much am I going to want to do 2 weeks before the baby comes? Decisons, decisions... Time to get the kids down for a nap! Thank God for naps or I think I'd be a total loon by now. I think my nap is the best sleep I get all day!
by
welee
on Sun 18 Dec 2005 07:24 AM PST
Took this myself with a camera phone... will add a few more as soon as the MMS goes thru from my cell to my computer!
Ok, they just came thru... And this is my fav! Not bad for being both the photographer and the subject, LOL. But, refering the my previous post? Not pregnant, just chubby..... Oh puh-lease!
Tuesday, December 13
by
welee
on Tue 13 Dec 2005 07:31 AM PST
So I get this bill from Perinatal today. Understand before I go any further that I have had the same EXACT insurance for all 3 pregnancies and the same EXACT protocol has been followed. So this stupid bill is for $10.00. It is not a lot, but I wanted to know why I was getting a bill since I never had one from them before. I called my insurance first. They were great. They agreed that I pay my initial co pay and then everything is covered as long as I stay in network, which I do. They told me that they were going to resubmit it and it would take 30 days. Fine. I then call the hospital to let them know that my insuracne was going to be reprocessed and they'd get their 10 dollars. The woman was like, "Oh that won't be covered under your initial global payment." (meaning my only co pay...) Then she went on to say that I had other co pays over the years with the kids. She then said that things like non stress tests have co pays too. So I asked her to give me dates that I have paid co pays. She listed one in 2002 and one in 2003 for NST. I again stressed that I have NEVER paid a co pay to them. Altho I have infact had to call my insurance to get payment to them when something was processed incorrectly. She pressed that I have paid some NST co pays. I asked for dates again. She could not comply. I then said that I have been gestational diabetic for 3 pgs now. I have had more NSTs than I can count. I would KNOW if I have been paying co pays. I am pregnant, not stupid. She did not like that and started to speak. I told her that I was done. My insurance would pay them their 10 dollars in the next 30 days. I was calling to be considerate, not be aggrevated and to have a Merry Christmas. I then hung up. I had to go to work, but even at work, I was still annoyed. So when I got home I looked at the bill. It seems now the docs list an office visit for every proceedure, so I see where the mistake happened. HOWEVER, it shows that I made a $15,00 payment on 10/17 and a $5.00 payment on 11/25. Understand, I HAVE NEVER PAID THESE PEOPLE and I do all the bills at home. I am an anal pain in the butt about reconciling the checkbook every day - we have on line banking, so it is easy. So now I am really confused. It seems that they charged me a $15.00 co pay back in August but due to 2 mysterious payments, it brought my balance of my second co pay from $15.00 to $10.00.. Only I should not have a co pay beyond my first and I never paid these people. I am so confused. Is there some other person paying my bills? If so, pay the big ones, LOL. Or is there another Wendy Lee who thinks she is paying for her bills only to have her amount creditied to me acct? Or is the hospital just a bunch of stupid devil monkeys (sorry Wendi.... couldn't resist, LOL....)? I can say with certain that I will be )($#@@)(%@_$_+$#@ pissed if they try to charge me a office visit co pay for every non stress test when I never see a doctor... Grrrrrr.... There you go.... no good deed goes unpunished. And all this stress over 10 freaking bucks.... Night, night! Saturday, December 10
by
welee
on Sat 10 Dec 2005 07:24 AM PST
And made it to my u/s. Yeay! Perinatal was the emptiest that I have ever seen it. I got there early and there was no one else waiting. It was the same cardiologist that saw Sam. She didn't remember me. I told her that was fine because that meant two things. First, that Sam's problem was not too bad. Second, we were not a complete pain in the ass. She laughed. The baby's heart looked great. She said that can't guarentee that there won't be a small hole cause the u/s pic is not perfect. But it means that there is not a major problem. She felt confident that everything was just fine. That works for me! The growth scan also was good. Baby girl is indeed a baby girl. She is now measuring two weeks ahead. Not a surprise since the diabetes is back. Her biggest things are her thigh bones and her head. All of my family has big fat heads, so I am not that surprised. Thick legs do not run in either my family or Ben's so maybe she is just going to have long legs. At the end of the day, it all balances out so as long as she is healthy, I am fine with it. She is already 2 lbs 11 oz. Grow baby grow! My next growth scan is on January 6th. And we can definately put off the NST until I am 32 weeks. Yeay, I get to make it past Christmas with out running back and forth to the hospital 5000x a week. :) Little girl Lee is definately a kicker and a mover. She did not stop moving during both u/s. I don't know if it is just her or cause she is my 3rd, but I definately feel her move waaaaaaay more than the other two. Thursday, December 8
by
welee
on Thu 08 Dec 2005 07:23 AM PST
Will be arriving c-section on March 3rd and delivered by my favorite doctor. YEAY! (That is unless she decides to make her enterance early, LOL...) She is already head down, but she better not be planning on going anywhere yet at 26 weeks.... Her heartbeat is still nice and strong and we are doing well over all. The GD is back, but so far I have been able to keep a handle on it with oral meds and diet.
My next appt is on Friday for my growth scan and fetal ecco cardiogram. Hopefully we do not get the 8 inches of snow predicted or it may change my appts. Boo, hiss. And if the baby is still not too big, we can put off the NST until 32 weeks! That would be so nice not to have to coordinate this into my schedule until after the holidays. It would be a real nightmare with Ben working extra cause the holidays, the Sam's school schedule and my work schedule as well as real life. The hospital is 40 mins away, so it is a little bit of a hike. The baby is getting big and I can feel her move all the time. It is strange to think she will be here in under 3 months. I am also getting really big. I need to get Ben to take a belly shot. I asked Kit the other day where Momma's baby was and he pointed to my belly. Smart little guy! Sam had no clue when I was pg with Kit, lol. Kit was also with me at my OB appt. (Sam was in school). He was so good. He sat in a chair next to me and held my hand while the doc checked me out. Boy is he a good boy. :)Sam has been in the "lets test everyone and throw a lot of tantrums" stage. The past few weeks have been special. Luckily I think we have a handle on it and it is getting better. So much is trial and error of what works. The sad/funny thing is that you think it would make us smarter for Kit and the new baby when they get bigger, but being that every kid is different, what works for Sam may not work for the others. So onto trial and error of Kit and the new baby we will go... LOL.Ok, time to get dressed and get everyone else dressed for school. Tuesday, November 22
by
welee
on Tue 22 Nov 2005 07:21 AM PST
Thurs. 4 AM - Grandmonster dies.
Friday 3 AM - Wendy and Ben start getting sick from food poisoning. Sat. night - Wendy and Ben still sick from food poisoning.Sunday - Funeral. Monday 1:45 PM - We leave to go to my parents. Should take 1.5 hours. We arrive there 4.5 hours later.Tues. 3 AM Wendy starts getting sick from stomack flu.Tues. 8 AM - Wendy going to try to eat some toast. I am done! Sunday, November 20
by
welee
on Sun 20 Nov 2005 07:20 AM PST
Well today was the funeral.. Just got back and I am exhausted. It was a long day - the kids held up well and were very good. It was a lot on them being that they are little. Thank God for Ben who took on a lot of the talkign care of them. It was hard to get very upset because they kept me so busy. Also, I do not cry well infront of other people. I never have. I finally had a good cry on the way home when the radio was blasting and no one in the car could hear me. Privacy among the family. It is still very stange.
My mom is holding up better than I thought, but I think it is because she knew it was coming. WE all did. Tomorrow we will sit shiva and then she can start healing with some closure. Lot of people came out both friends and family. Most of which were very kind and supportive, I do have one cousin tho that is an absolute dick and today just reconfirmed it. When Sam was hurt and all that, there was one asshole relation that never even acknowledged what happen let alone offer a prayer or send a card or anything. This person and his troll wife are supposedly religious as well. I never said anything cause why bother? Well today when we were walking to the grave site, he was like "Oh Sam looks goos considering her little thing and all that." I was like what? He then said again, "You know her little accident thing." Now understand he is a U of Penn graduate, he is no idiot. I just replied, "Um, it was more like a big thing and yes she does look good. We are lucky." And I walked away. Not the time or place - but what an asshole. Then later that day I got to hear about how his son takes the subway to Manahattan to his prvate school on the uipper west side, right off cetral park.... blah, blah, blah... Could I care ANY less? Bite me dick wod. (Yes, I am too tired and too drained to be diplomatic about this.) His wife is even worse - know-it-all, but-in-a-oonveration, holier-than-tho bitch, Luckily I should never have to see them again - WOO HOO!!!!!! Hello everyone. If you expecting to hear about the genteel, quiet, soft spoken woman who passes away, um… you are in the wrong place. I am going to talk about my grandmother today, Eleanore. She was NOT a soft spoken, delicate thing. She was rather a force of nature. She may have only been 5 feet tall and 120 lbs soaking wet, but trust me, that didn't stop the force of her, ever. From stories that were told to me as a child, Eleanore was a hand full from the time she was a child. She was the adored, only sister of 4 brothers. She loved to be spoiled and attended to. She was very beautiful and would have been the first person to tell you that! I remember her telling me many times how right before she got married, that she had 4 "gentleman callers" who wanted to marry her at the same time, but she chose my grandfather – whew, good thing for me or I'd be the one in the wrong place today. Now, if you told her she was vain, she'd laugh and take that as a compliment. She would have been the first person to tell you that. But then on the other hand, there were so many times when I was growing up, that she'd be tucking me in bed and sitting with me chatting and she would tell me how beauty is on the inside. It didn't matter what anyone looked like on the outside – it mattered what they were on the inside. She was an enigma. She was vibrant, full of life and full of opinions. When you were a loves one, she never held back on sharing those opinions either – whether you asked or not. One of my favorite stories was about one night when I was little she came over to baby sit. While my parents were out, she decided to re arrange all the furniture once I was asleep. When my parents asked her why she did that, she replied "because it looked better that way." In her heart, she always knew what was best for us and even when she drove us a little crazy, it was always meant with love. She did love her family fiercely. Heaven help the person who wronged any of us, she would go after them like a lioness protecting her cubs. And when it came to grandchildren, Eleanore was like a Jewish, female version of Santa Claus – with out the red suit that is…. I remember growing up, she lived around the corner from us and she came over every day. And every day she had something for me. She was a fun grandmother when I was little. She always had the time to play a game, watch the crazy dance shows that Robyn and I made, listen to us "play" – if you can call it that – our musical instruments, read a story and my personal favorite, sitting with me and talking when I was tucked up in bed before going to sleep. She had a way of making you feel like the most special child in the world. For a tiny woman, she had a loud voice and was very vocal. She could be very argumentative. On more than one occasion she said, "You only fight with the ones that you love…" Well people, she loved ALL of us a lot, huh? Seriously tho, I think that was just a part of our family. I remember when Grandmom Beizer was still alive and would have the holiday dinners at their apartment on Front and I take comfort that this past Yom Kippur we were able to be together and she was able to spend time with loved ones that she hadn't seen for awhile. I know it meant the world to her. I am glad that she got to meet and know two of my kids. Eleanore would have loved having everyone here today and she would have really loved that they day was about her, well maybe not the being dead part. If she was here, I believe she'd want us to celebrate her life. For ninety five years, she was a force of nature leaving her mark on the world. I will miss her, but she will continue to live thru our stories and memories. And on that note, my house is quiet, I can cry and grieve before tomorrow comes, I am around people and shut down again. I smile, I talk, I joke, I attend to,but I do not regiter any pain until I am alone. Being outgoing and private at the same time is very deceptive. Shhhhh... don't tell my secrets... Thursday, November 17
by
welee
on Thu 17 Nov 2005 07:19 AM PST
My Grandmother passed this morning at 4:00 AM. Being that she was on double dose of Morphine is her drip, she was pretty much comatose. So it was a blessing for her. It is just oddly strange for the rest of us. Ninety five years is a long time. It seems unatural that she is not going to be here to torture the rest of us on a regular basis. That sounds mean, but she would have been the first one to say that you only fight with the ones you love. She lived by that and I swear she enjoyed arguing with her loved ones. Odd, but true. She was a true force of nature.
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