First, I checked into our insurance about what I need to do to talk to a counselor.  Most benefits you can get on line, but not for mental health.  No, for that you have to call, tell a complete stranger what is going on and then get approved.  Like it isn't hard enough...  But, I called and I got a nice lady.  She approved me for unlimited sessions with both a counselor and a psychiatrist. 

Even better tho, I called one of the counselors and made an appt for Tues.  I am very nervous.  I know the facts and can tell you what is wrong - sort of - I just do not how to get thru it and get to the other side.  So, I do think it will be helpful.  A big part of me is so afraid that I will get there and she will be like, "you are fine.  WHY are YOU here????"

This is a HUGE deal for me.

Second good thing I did today... I told Ben what was going on.  He was so supportive and caring.  I think I have been shutting him out a lot cause I was so afraid of being crazy.  He understood a lot of what I was saying.  He also said he felt bad that he couldn't help me.  I told him that I really think I need an outside perspective to help me right now.  He is too close to me.

Ben also said that he has known (and this is true) that there are many skeletons lurking in me and maybe it a good thing that it is coming to a head.  It may be the most freeing thing for me.  (Fingers crossed!)

I am not sure if I will go see a psychiatrist.  I was told they pretty much just do medication.  I really like me regular doctor and I trust him.  I'll see what the therapist says.

I also want to say thanks for everyones support.   I know I have been very MIA.  Your friendship means the world to me and really helped me brave up and do something to help myself.  You ladies are the best people in the world and I love you all dearly.