STOMP!

"I HAVE HAD IT!" exclaimed Samantha.  STOMP!  STOMP!  STOMP!  The whole house stopped.  Ben and Christopher were on their way upstairs, but froze.  Susanna had been nursing but pulled away to see what the commotion was.

"Samantha," I asked, "What do you mean?"  I truly was not sure what she had it with.

"I HAVE HAD IT!  I DO NOT WANT ALL YOUR ATTENTION!  I AM NOT A BABY..." but soon the screaming made her word not understandable.  I waited for her to take a breath.

"Sam, come here," I told her, patting my lap.  On no, I was not sure I was ready for this conversation.

"Fine!" She curtly retorted as she marched over to me.

"I need you to take a deep breath and tell me what is wrong."

"Well Momma," Sam started, but soon was rambling and yelling so fast that I could not understand.

"Whoa, honey, slow down and do not yell.  I want to understand." I reassured her.

"Well, I feel like you treat me like a baby.  I am NOT a baby like Susanna.  I am NOT little like Christopher.  I am a big girl now," she stated.

"Yes, you are." I agreed.  "But what is the problem?"

"I am frustrated.  I should be allowed to play outside by myself and not have to go to bed so early," she said.  "I should be allowed more privileges cause I am older."  Privileges?  When did she learn that word?  Ben and I shot a glance at each other.  He smiled that all knowing, better you than me look as he scurried up the stairs with Christopher.  So there I sat with both my baby and my big girl on my lap searching for the right words.  I knew this was a tender moment.  I wanted to be the kind of mom that my kids could come to and talk to.  I wanted her to feel positive about expressing herself.  On the flip side, there was no way under God's blue sky that she was going to be allowed to play outside by herself at her age.  And I needed to make sure that all though I am open to compromise, that it was clear that I am the parent.  Yikes.

"Well Samantha, you have a point and I am sorry..." her eyes widened with disbelief as I said my words.  I do not think that is what she expected me to say.

"Really????"

"Yes, you are a big girl and perhaps there are big girl things you should be allowed to do."

"Can I go outside by myself and play?"

"No sweetheart, that is not good judgment, you are still too young," I answered.

"I have an idea," she smiled.  "Dad is going to mow the lawn.  He can keep an eye on me if I play by the swings while he mows."

"That is a great idea," I smiled.

"Thanks mom," Sam started to get up, but I interrupted her.

"Sam, wait a minute..." She sat back on my lap next to Susanna.  "I want you to understand something..."  I paused trying to chose my words.

"It's okay Momma, just talk, " Sam said, patting my leg.

"You are my first baby.  I mean my first child.  I do not mean to treat you like a baby.  But being you are my first, I am learning too - just like you.  I want you always to be able to talk to me and tell me how you are feeling.  Then together we can figure it out.  OK?"

"OK Momma," she answered.

"Now I may treat you like a baby sometimes, but aren't there some big girl things you get to do?"

"Maybe..." she shyly smiled.

"Like what?" I asked.

"Maybe Kids Camp..."

"And?"

"Swimming lessons..."

"And?"

"Play dates with out Momma staying..."

"So even though Momma doesn't always get it right, I am trying Sam."  I reassured her.

"I love you," she said as she squeezed me with the biggest hug.

"I love you too," I replied.  "Now go outside while I put the baby down and go read your brother a book."  Ben came down and took Samantha out with him while he mowed.

After I got both Christopher and Susanna to sleep, I came downstairs and straighted up, putting all the toys away.  I was not ready for that conversation.  Wasn't that a conversation that I wasn't supposed to have until Sam was 12 or 13 or something like that?  And what kind of scares me is that I think it is the first of many, many, many more.