Pneumonia gone, asthma being naughty, over all - breathing much better and getting back to life. 

Saw ortho today.  Having surgery on left thumb on 2/8.

Last 3 babies that I predicted the sex based on what I saw in my head was right.  Just found out a very good friend IRL is having a girl.  They are concerned her placenta is not getting enough blood tho.  She gets another u/s in 6 weeks.  The good news is the baby looked perfect at her 21 week u/s.  I think that is a good sign.

Pre menstral.  Crying at everything.  I cried at the Rachel Ray show at the gym the other day when I was walking on the treadmill.  How pathetic is that!

Sam is blowing her guitar teacher away.  She is already whizzing thru her beginner lesson book.  Reading music is coming so naturally to her!  Sam is also doing basic math problems (She LOVES when I give her stars, stickers and smiley faces for a good job!) every morning with me and is reading very beginner books.  We are talking with the school district about having her start right in 1st grade gifted.  However, the prob is we want what is best for her emotionally and intellectually.

Kit freaked me out the other day when he picked up one of Sam's BOB books are started reading the very first one, MATT.

Susanna is walking so well and climbing stairs too.  Today she started stacking blocks and she has learned her first baby signs, MORE, PLEASE and UP.

Am I a shameful bragger?  Not really.  Ok, maybe a bit.  But I haven't blogged in ages and where these should have been spaced over several blog entries where I don't sound like such a bragger - they have been condensed in to little, efficient blurbs.

Best of all, Ben and I have been having some really nice quality time and then some really, really nice quality time *wink* *wink*&

Night!

I have been so sick and so have the kids.  The good news is that the kids just have a very nasty virus.  The bad news is I have both a very nasty virus and very nasty pnuemonia in my right lung.

I have been feeling so crap.  This morning, I knew Ben had to work all day and I lost it, sobbing like a small child.  I called my mom at 8 AM and asked her to come up cause I didn't trust myself to be able to take care of the kiddos.  I didn't think I'd be all like Ya Ya Sisterhood on them - but I wasn't sure I had the strength to take care of them  I have NEVER done that.  I also called Ben once I made my doc appt and told him that he had to come home and drive me.  He first starting going into how the store is short cause 2 people are on vacation.  I cut him off, "In the 11 years we have been married, have I ever asked you to drop what you are doing?  I am telling you that I am too sick to drive especially with our children in the car.  Do I need to say anything else?"  He was like, yup, right, see ya at 11.

What really made me nervous was that my fever stopped responding to Motrin and I started having new symptoms like stiff neck, sensitivity to light, disorientation.  I was so relieved in some respects that it was pnuemonia!  And the other symptoms were cause I was dehydrated.  My doc said if my symptoms got worse that I'd have to be admitted for IV fluids.  I promised I'd go home and drink tons of water.

So here I am at home.  I still feel like crap, but I am home!  And with the proper meds should be feeling better in a few days.

Those of you who know me and read my blog, know I am on a spiritual journey.  My eyes are opened and I feel blessed in the gifts/awareness/freedom I am finding.  The path I am following is one that is right for me and my family.  The shoe fits.  I am spiritual and I know I am a good person.  However, that said, just cause this is the correct fit for me, Ben, and the kids - does not mean that it is for everyone.  Can I tell you how much it freaking pisses me off when I read stuff about different religions claiming they are the ONLY true one.  I mean, how f-ing conceited.  Why in the world would there be such a plethora of choice if only ONE is correct and everyone else be damned???!!!  So what, those of us who live our lives being good, honest, decent people will go to hell cause we aren't members of the cool club?  WTF?  It is like my big prob with Judaism, when we were told that men with un circ'ed penises won't get into Heaven.  So Ben and Kit, as good hearted as they are are condemned FOREVER?  Yeah, uh, no.  Do not agree.  Will not accept that nonsense.

People have the right to believe that.  And if that makes them happy, that is fine.  I am OK with agreeing to disagree.  And I can like people even when we do not share the same opinion.  However, this is my blog and I am stating that I find that so totally baffling and it makes me so angry!

The second thing that drives me totally bonkers is that we are all born into sin.  My children are born into sin.  Uh, I have to say no, I do not agree with that one.  Sorry.  Does not sound right.  Not embracing that.  Not teaching that to my children.  Why would I embrace something that basically would make me feel like I am never good enough????  I can do that to myself all on my own if I want to - and I do not. 

Anyway, reading is a good thing cause it certainly puts things into perspective for me.  Everyday I am sure that I am on my right path.  Ben feels it, I feel it and so do the kids.  I am so comforted by the love of the Goddess and God, Mother and Father, Yin and Yang.  I feel it from with in and I feel it around me through out the universe.  I can live my life by being the person I want to be.  I teach my kids to be the best they can be, know right from wrong, and to lead by example.  And we can feel good about ourselves at the same time.

End Rant....

 

 

was supposed to be a video of the kids, but there is a problem with the link.  Webmaster Ben is working on it, so hopefully I will be able to post it soon.  Look for Lights, Camera, Action, Take 2.

Anyway, I was putting away the Christmas decorations (inside ones).  They go in the lower basement.  Ben helped me clean out some junk down there.  One of the things we decided to get rid of was the big baby swing.  Susanna is now 24 lbs.  Need I say more?  LOL.  Well this upset Sam very much.  I asked her why.  She replied that we were going to need that for the baby boy that I was going to have in 6 years.  I guess that is how long it will take for my tubes to reconnect, lol.  So if I end up pregnant in 6 years, be assured it IS a boy and Sam said it first.  It makes you wonder.  She did predict 2 months before I got pregnant with Susanna that I was going to have a baby girl.  Rember Ann-Susie?  Can you imagine?  I think I'd fall over if I ended up pg at age.... well too darned old, lol.

December 26th, 2003 at 9:06 AM, my beautiful boy entered this world.  His birth was the easiest and most pleasant experience of my life and he has been ever since.  Kit is such a joy in my life.  He is kind hearted and sweet.  This year for Christmas he told Santa he wanted a fan for Mama and Susanna.  When Santa asked what he wanted for himself, he said nothing - just the fans for Mama and Susanna.  (Since we took out the window unit air conditioners, he thinks they are missing...)

Kit always has time for a cuddle, hug and a kiss for Mama.  He is growing up so fast which makes me happy, but sad too.  I know before I know it, my little boy's cuddles, hugs and kisses will be grown up cuddles, hugs and kisses for some lucky girl out there.  *sigh*  Poor Mama!

Happy 3rd birthday to my darling boy!  I love you more than I could ever say.

Christopher woke up the other night from a nightmare.  I calmed him down and cuddled him while he fell asleep.  He was half way between sleep and concsiousness when he turned to me and said, "Mama, I picked you.  I picked Dada too.  I wanted you.  I got in my boat and came across the occean to get you before the other kids did.  I wanted you to be my Mama."

Can we say AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW?

BTW, HI TAMMY!!!!!

I was tagged by myself.

On the 1st day of Christmas, my sister gave to me, a brand new baby nephew.

On the 2nd day of Christmas, Tiffini gave to me, a spouse for each of my children.

On the 3rd day of Christmas, Carie gave to me, a live audience for my boobie web cam show.

On the 4th day of Christmas, Laura gave to me, advice on my aches and pains while preggo.

On the 5th day of Christmas, Michelle gave to me, tempation to join her on the dark side.

On the 6th day of Chrismas, Kristin gave to me, comfort in knowing that I am not the only one who thinks Natural Born Killers was funny.

On the 7th day of Christmas, Jess gave to me, directions that did NOT get me where I was going.

On the 8th day of Christmas, Leanna gave to me, "I had you at hello" and where I got to see the one arm butt monkey.

On the 9th day of Christmas, Linda gave to me, a constant voice of reason with an occasional use of the word fuck.

On the 10th day of Christmas,  Suzanne gave to me, genuine kindness, compassion and interest in my life. 

On the 11th day of Christmas, Aritha gave to me, a confindant to dish Big Brother and Amazing Race with when ever I want to.

On the 12th day of Christmas, my husband gave to me, a life full of love and the three best children in the world.

And I tag myself.

(So what comes first, the chicken or the egg?????)

My nephew is HERE!!!!!!!  Announcing....

Mathew Evan

December 13, 2006

12:39 AM

6 lb 4 oz

19 inches

Now I am off to Altoona!

My sister is in LABOR!!!!!  I have never been so excited over someone else's labor, lol.  I will get to give this little baby lots of love with out doing any of the work.  And when he gets older, my kids can rile him up and then we go home - ha,ha.

So tomorrow Ben will leave work early and I will be traveling to western PA to good ole Altoona. 

Now if I can only get to sleep tonight.

Sam's swim instructor pulled me aside last week and told me that Sam often does not listen and that she is challenging.  She can do the work but does not want to.  I asked for an example and she said that when they were practicing a stoke, Sam stopped and said, "I don't want to do it this way.  Mermaids don't swim like this."  I tried not to laugh out loud.

Over the course of the week I thought about this.  Let me back up by saying that this particular teacher never impressed me.  She never smiles and always has a look on her face like she just ate a bunch of lemons.  Further, I have always gotten great feedback from Sam's teachers at school, for the past 3 years, about how polite she is and what a good student she is.  Something did not jive.

This week I decided to sit and watch her class.  Usually I will do something with Kit and Susanna - but this week I put them in child watch to play so I could watch Sam.

As usual the teacher had the sour face on.  I did notice that she always makes Sam go last.  Sam is slower.  She would constantly tell Sam that she was doing something wrong and then kind of move her thru the water to get done.  What really irritated me was that often she treated Sam like she wasn't trying, when it was evident she was trying, she just wasn't getting it.  This was when they were working on the breaststroke, which is not an easy stroke to master.

Many times the teacher was telling the others to do something else and leaving Sam behind and then getting irritated cause Sam was not doing what the others were.  I felt my blood begin to boil!  But, I was going to stay calm in front of Sam and try to make this fun for her. 

I would catch her eye when she was swimming and give her a thumbs up.  She would beam from ear to ear and give me a thumbs up too.  When she was waiting to get in the water while the teachers were off with the others, I would go to her and whisper something positive in her ear like, "You swim beautifully like a mermaid.  I think you are just the best.  Now when it is your turn, let me see you best mermaid swim."  Again, this would make her smile.

I am going to say something to the head of the swim department after Sam's last class next week.  I want to wait til she is done, so the teacher does not bring it out on her if it gets back to her.  And let me tell you my thoughts on why I am going to say something.

First, kids function best off positive reinforcement.  There are many ways to do this even if the child isn't getting the stroke.  "Good effort John Doe!  Now next time try doing X and it will be even better."  "Great energy Sally Somebody!  You try so hard!"  "Much better Billy Bob - you are really trying!"   When kids feel empowered, their whole demeanor changes and their confidence grows.  Second, this class if about having fun and confidence.  I mean, c'mon, it is an advanced class... but for 3-5 year olds.  If Sam was that talented with this that she was going to be an Olympic swimmer, we'd find a trainer and such.  Puh-lease!  This class should be fun.  For us, the main thing we wanted was for Sam to have fun and to help with her fear of putting her head under water.  (Residual fear from her accident...)  Third, a teacher of kids should smile and like her job.  If I can tell from 50 feet away that she does not, trust me, so can the kids.

Ben laughed at me staking out the swim class, but I do not care.  When it comes to my kids, I do not care if I am a PIA.  I do not expect them to be pandered to and I know how to let them learn by their mistakes but at the same time I WILL make sure they are treated with respect.

Momma Wendy is on the prowl.  MEOW!  

 

 

Yep, I'm your mommy babies!

 

I was talking to a very good friend of mine recently.  She and I are soul sisters and often are at similar places at the same time in our lives.  We were discussing religion.  She has recently found a fit in Gnostic Christianity like I have found my fit with Wicca.  I asked questions of her cause I had not heard of Gnostic Christianity.  You would think that it would be polar opposite of where I am - yet surprisingly is not.

Both were big on living life in a way that does not hurt others.  They agreed on being accepting of other.  I called them both pacifistic.

It made me think about the term "God" and how it equates to religion.  I believe, that God in most religions is pretty similar.  I believe God is loving.  He/she is there to support and help us grow.  In many ways God is like the proverbial parent - guiding force.  Specifics may be different how ever.  To some God is in heaven over seeing all.  Others may see God as energy and a state of consciousness.  And then there are those like me that see the whole higher power being made of both feminine and masculine sides - call it yin/yang - God and Goddess - two parts of the whole. 

What saddens me is when people, of any denomination take their religion and use it as an excuse to be ugly, intimidating or just mean.  I do not understand the religions that say believe as I believe or you will burn.  Why would God make so many choices if there was only one right causing most people to burn in hell?  Does not make sense to me.

I think anyone who is true to their religion, what ever it may be is inspirational.  I think true devotion is a beautiful thing.  And I think the different ways people can be and the diversity of religion is quite amazing.  As much as I am finding myself in Wicca - I am reading just about everything about religion in general that I can get my hands on.

One of the wonderful things I am really liking about Wicca is the expression "What ever works!"  Basically as long as you follow the Wiccan Rede - "An Ye Harm None, Do What You Will."  This being said, I doubt there are many Wiccans exactly alike anywhere, lol.  That works for me being I like to ask questions.  It also lets me incorporate the things I find close to my heart from both my Jewish and Catholic upbringing.

I recently read in one friends blog - this blogger is a pretty devote Christan, altho I am not sure of what denomination - that she tries to hate the sin and the person. I take that to mean, that even when she does not agree with a choice or a belief that someone has, she still tries to keep an open mind and heart to the person and may like them anyway.  It's the old concept that friends can agree to disagree.

For me, I like the way I am feeling.  I am connected to the earth.  I find strength and power in seeing the magic and wonder in nature.  The cycle of life makes sense to me, like the changing of the seasons.  A higher power that consists of a mother and father, a Goddess and God, feminine and masculine - that makes sense to me. 

Ben is so amazingly on the same page as me.  This in itself is such a gift.  When we tried belonging to the Temple, I know he always felt like a fish out of water.  He did it for me - but it was forced.  The day I said we were done, he cheered.  With his Celtic background, this is so up his ally in how he was raised.  With the kids, I will share this with them, but we will teach them about lots of things.  They will know about all the religions that there family comes from and then probably some.  When they are old enough to know their heart, they will be able to decide for themselves what they believe.

Well, that is enough ramblings. 

 

 

My journey of self continues.  I have been reading everything I can get my hands on concerning Wicca, The Femine Divine, Shaminism.  I feel like I have come home.  So many of the words I read are like "Yes, that is what I already do/think/believe!"  And it is things that I have done/thought/believed over my life time.  For the first time, I am not hesistating in saying with confidence that this is where I am coming from and what I think.  It feels so good after literally years of trying to figure it out.  Nothing ever felt right and I was always trying something.  This is different with out knowing it, I have really been this basically forever.  Now I am just learning more of the specifics, which is awesome.  My thirst to learn is just endless.

The thing I am so comfortable about is that with Wicca, you pretty much can do whatever works assuming that it does not hurt anyone, including yourself.  I have always been a big "I am spiritual, but not nothing specific."  And the reason we "tried" Judiasm is cause it was somewhat flexible.  Again, that was not a fit.  Wicca, is big on being responsible for your own actions and what you put out, comes back to you.  Kinda like my Karma is a boomerang, lol.  I have also felt so strongly that even when I do not agree with other people's religions, that they have the right to believe what they believe.  Respect.  I can agree to disagree with someone and still like them.  Yet another YES moment is that respect of different religion is important.

I feel such a sense of joy and strength as I start out on my spiritual journey.  I feel liberated and empowered as a woman.  For me, finding the balance of female and male in myself and refusing to accept that women are born into sin, has freed me.  Everything in nature is balance and pretty much a female needs a male and vice versa.  It makes sense that this would apply to a greater power, for me.  If I could give a visual for how I feel about this, it would be the taoist Ying Yang.

"  Tao (pronounced "Dow") can be roughly translated into English as path, or the way.  It is basically indefinable. It has to be experienced. It "refers to a power which envelops, surrounds and flows through all things, living and non-living. The Tao regulates natural processes and nourishes balance in the Universe. It embodies the harmony of opposites (i.e. there would be no love without hate, no light without dark, no male without female.)"    "

 

 

That's all for now.  Kid's squabbling and not so peaceful, lol...

Yesterday I was reading The Tiniest Fairy to Sam and when I looked at her, she was leaning forward with her chin resting on both palms as her elbows leaned my my thigh. She was so engrossed in the story - her eyes pleaded for me to continue as they
sparkled with anticipation.

I started to get choked up as I read to her. I am not sure if it was her intensity or the sharing of a yule story with her or both- regardless, it was one of the moments I will never forget. As I read, I felt myself get the chills at several points and when I looked at my daughter's arms, so did she. (It is not cold in the house...)

As I continue on my journey of self discovery, I am finding that many of the things I read about Wicca, are already ways I lead my life.  There are so many things that are "YES" moments for me and/or things I have, or bought, or do.  It's like finding an old pair of shoes that you have forgotten about and putting them back on again.  Reading the story to Sam was definately a "YES" moment.

You Are 88% Thankful

You're an incredibly thankful person, and everyone around you feels very appreciated. You inspire people to be more optimistic, forgiving, and grateful.

 

http://www.blogthings.com/howthankfulareyouquiz/

http://www.llewellyn.com/free/mpq.php

 

Your Q Score is: 6

The Q score ideally should be as small as possible, indicating maximum agreement among elements. However, even a tiny Q score may not mean optimal functioning, since all four elements may in fact be relatively undeveloped.

Your Primary Mythical Creature

Water Types
The main strength of the Water types is feeling. The second element indicates the most probable focus for this emotional expression.

 

Your Shadow Creature

Air Types
All the Air types have problems relating to irrationality and trust. The weakest element indicates the main focus of these problems.

So Ben camped out for 36 + hours.  The deal seemed to be that the first 10 people were going to either get a unit for the PS 3 or a rain check.  He was number 7, so life was good.  Well at 5 o'clock I get a phone call telling me to get a sitter and get there ASAP.  They were extending the offer to the first 14.

I figured that it was in fates hands.  Either my baby sitter was going to be available or not.  I was not dragging the kids there for 7 hours.  Well, our sitter was available and I went.  Lady luck was on our side cause I got number 14! 

Once the units went on sale, the first 6 got PS 3 with 60 gb.  The next 4 were offered either a rain check or a PS 3 with a 20 gb.  (Obviously the 60 gb re-sells better, sometimes bigger is just better, lol...)  However, numbers 11-14 were issued a rain check and we are guarenteed a 60 gb!!!!!

Right now a 20 gb unit is selling for between 1000 - 2000 for a 500 investment.  The 60 gb is selling for about 1500 - 5000 for a 700 investment.  I am really hopeful that Ben's hard work will pay off.  It would be wonderful to be able to pay some bill off and everything I charged on the ccs for Christmas. 

One man there was going off on a tirade that it is wrong for people to sell them on Ebay and make mad money cause that means some regular kid won't get it on Christmas.  Well, I said that yeah, be that as it may, by doing this, my 3 kids will have what they want on Christmas.  We live in a country with free trade, so be it.  And you know what, anyone like Ben or  peope 1-6 who were there since Tues morning, deserve it!  They weather was a down pour with tornados wathces.  They were all outside in the rain, set up in tents.

Most the people there were very cool tho.  I had a lot of pizza delivered on Weds.  And then yesterday I brought by hot coffee for everyone.  Last night when I got my number 14 slot, they were all like, "hey it's the food lady!"

Here are some photos of the set up...

And I am his lunatic wife for allowing the following, lol... Ben is in line waiting at Walmart for the next 36 hours or so in order to be one of the very few who will be purchasing a Play Station 3 when they are released Friday morning at 12:01 AM.  You may have always wondered who the weirdos are who do that kind of thing... well now you know.

You Are a Peacemaker Soul

You strive to please others and compromise anyway you can. War or conflict bothers you, and you would do anything to keep the peace. You are a good mediator and a true negotiator. Sometimes you do too much, trying so hard to make people happy. While you keep the peace, you tend to be secretly judgmental. You lose respect for people who don't like to both give and take. On the flip side, you've got a graet sense of humor and wit. You're always dimplomatic and able to give good advice. Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul, Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/

 

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love. You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't? You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky. In fights, you speak your mind and don't hold back. You know you're right, and you can get quite angry about it. Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

http://www.blogthings.com/yourlovelifesecretsrevealedquiz/

I am very pleased to say that we shocked the heck out of my sister for her shower this past Sat.  My mom and I have been working on it for awhile.  When we first picked a date, I knew we had to come up with a way to throw her off track.  Lets face it, anyone who is getting married or having a baby for the 1st time is pretty sure that they will be getting a shower.  They look at there registries getting purchased and start looking at the calender as time marches on.

I decided the best way to throw her off was to give her bad information.  The real date of the shower was Sat Nov 11th.  I called her before my mom called her to say she had to come down that weekend.  In my best giving it a way tone, I told her we were having an Early Thanksgiving Dinner at Io e Tus on Sunday Nov. 12th and that she should bring a big car and her husband.  Io E Tus is the restaurant that I had my baby shower at, my cousin had her baby shower at and we had my sister's bridal shower at.  It hit her and she was like AHHHHHHHHHH.

It was then set she was coming down for the weekend.  My sister suggested that they go shopping for the baby that Sat and my mom said great that they'd have lunch too.  The plan was going perfectly!  See, my sister can bee a bit skeptical.  So fooling her was no small feat.  My mom also can't keep a secret to save her life, so this allowed for her to talk about the shower with my sister - only with no details of when and where.  My sister never needed to ask, cause she thought she already knew!  HA!

My cousins Andrea and Kara met me early to help me set up - altho many people got there even before us.  I teased them all that they should know better than to get to an affair our family is having early.  They are lucky we got there early, lol.  Ben helped too while the kids socialized.  After the surprise tho, Ben took the kids back to Andrea's house where her husband, my cousin B was with their kiddos.  All the kiddos get along very well and had a blast playing.  And that meant mommies got to eat their food in peace!  (Andrea and Kara are the female half of the cousins that I met up with at Knoebles a few weeks ago...).  Andrea, Kara and I sat with my sister, my mom, sister's MIL and a few friends.  I really enjoy hanging with Andrea and Kara and now my sister is closer and was there obviously cause it was her day, it was even better.  We got to eat and chat, in peace, which is such a treat!

When my sister walked in the room, her whole body turned crimson and she started beating on her husband, lol.  I knew we succeeded!  She was truly surprised.  Yeay!  The rest of the day was lovely.  Food was awesome, lots of fun people and my sister made out like a bandit.

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is medium. In general, you prefer to have only one love interest. But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long! There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering. Experience Level: Your experience level is high. You've loved, lost, and loved again. You have had a wide range of love experiences. And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is low. This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced. You know a relationship is not about getting your way. And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom. Cynicism: Your cynicism is low. You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance. No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter. You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate. And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon. Independence: Your independence is low. This doesn't mean you're dependent in relationships.. It does mean that you don't have any problem sharing your life. In your opinion, the best part of being in love is being together.

http://www.blogthings.com/thefivevariablelovetest/

I wonder if people who can derive pleasure and make mockery of PPD ever had a child?  I read something tonight at a place that I have not visited in well over a year - nor have I made random, anonymous comments either, BTW and was shocked or perhaps saddened to see that my PPD was a source of amusement.  I must give credit to the blogger in that they didn't actually bash my PPD, but their friends sure did.  Ironic because in the past I have found that some are offended when they are bashed by friends of another's blog.

I am proud of myself for recognizing my PPD and for getting help.  There is nothing to be ashamed about for a chemical imbalance after birthing a baby.  And I am now going back off the PP medication and am stronger and healthier than ever.  So if any fuck off losers are lurking in the shadows, shove that up your asses and spit it out your mouths.  Stupid fucktards!  What would have been better?  Say nothing and get worse?  Idiots.

What you put out comes back to you thrice.  I have NEVER intentionally tried to hurt someone.  I do not act out of malice.  Even when wronged, I have a heart and try to show kindness and compassion.  It is funny to be accused of having a big mouth by a herd of sheep of this place that I wish I did not visit tonight.  Aside from venting here about people IRL on occasions, I always speak in code and NEVER write anything that can identify them to someone they know IRL.  Well, with the exception of a certain occasion when I did speak to my mom. 

BTW, can I say how many times I have cleaned out my cupboard hoping to find the bottle of Tylenol 3?  Every time I clean the cupboard out, I hope the med is there.  I'd love for it to be and would have no problem apologizing.  I have 3 small kids, a husband and job to boot - trust me, there has never been a conspiracy.  The fact is that the med disappeared that day - from a locked place.  I only saw one other person in the place.  The person I thought took it, I did not think still read my blog.  I came to my blog to bitch and even so, used no name or detail that would give them away IRL.  I was shocked when I found it was gone - and appalled.  I came to vent.  AND...the fact is SOMEONE took it.  I would think most people in my place would connect the dots.  The person I suspect may have taken it swears up and down they did not take it - yet has never said one word to me - only to everyone else.  Yet, I have the big mouth?  I have said nothing to anyone.

Did anybody here know that my son is named after my uncle Paul?  My son is named Christopher Paul.

That's it for now,

Cowtits - oh wait, I mean Welee

 

Valley ~ 59% Water ~ 59% Wind ~ 66% Earth ~ 55% Fire ~

I have tripped into a valley that is blue 'til you can see Let’s see... your personality reminds me of the... ...warm Citrine that stands for abundance, protection and stability. Your colour is a dark yellow or orange. Interpretation: Out of the seven chakras, the Creative Chakra, which is associated with the element of earth and represents our need to preserve and grow, seems to be predominant in you. Though this guarantees you success in your job and in managing home and family, it may result in a materialistic outlook or becoming a workaholic. You can balance it by wearing an Amethyst; its illuminating attributes that activate the Crown Chakra help us recognise the big picture and gain a spiritual outlook on life. A Tarot references concerning your predominant element: If you are a young lass or lad and still unmarried your card is the Page of Pentacles. Young women, especially married ones, identify with the Queen of Pentacles, also known as the Queen of Diamonds. If you are a young, unmarried man, you are the Knight of Pentacles, and married or “mature” males are identified with the King of Pentacles, commonly known as the King of Diamonds. Ladies and gentlemen, here is your reliable man you’ve been looking for. These are the results you will get if you score highly on... None of the four elements: Balance Wind: Gust Fire: Blaze Water: River Earth: Valley Wind & Fire: Thunder Wind & Water: Clouds Wind & Earth: Canyon Fire & Earth: Lava Fire & Water: Tornado Water & Earth: Trees Wind, Fire & Earth: Storm Wind, Fire & Water: Stars Wind, Water & Earth: Forest Fire, Water & Earth: Avalanche All four elements: Harmony

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 15% on water You scored higher than 38% on wind You scored higher than 36% on earth You scored higher than 45% on fire

Link: The Elemental Balance Test written by Nitsuki on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

I do not understand why it is necessary to get the kids all bundled from neck to toe and then grab the umbrella when walking in a pretty warm rain.  This is what all the other parents do when dropping their kids off at school or the Y.  Well, not me.  We are the ones who walk and enjoy getting wet, laughing all the way.  And if we find a big puddle, we stop and jump in it several times.

Ben dropped Sam off this morning and before hearing my thoughts on the subject, he told me that he and Sam hit every puddle.  I guess that is why we are married, lol.

 

"Meow!!!!  Since my new Mommy isn't joining her friends with getting pregnant again, she adopted me!  Actually, I was chosen by all of the family to be the newest member.  I am super friendly and am so glad to have seen the back side of the SPCA.  I must admit tho that I am really a boy, neutered of course; however, Sam and Kit are convinced I am a girl.  Thus they named me Buffy.  It is either that or with a name like Buffy, they are certain no vampires will come around.  Hey, as long as they keep sneaking me the cat treats, they can call me whatever they want to!"

"Hey Carie, you might notice I do not have digits; therefor, I am not a raccoon." 

Life has a way of getting us to where we are supposed to go even when it is not always clear.  Many roads lately have gotten to the point where I am. 

For a long time, I have been searching for something - like religion, a hat to wear, a place to call home.  I tried to wear that hats that I thought should fit- but too often they just did not.  By my nature as a child and into my teens was always one of strong spirutality.  A clear sense of my purpose and right from wrong.  I had a strong connection to the earth and all of God's creatures.  For many years, I had always assumed God was a woman until I was told other wise.

I have been reading a wonderful book, called Dance of the Dissident Daughter, by Sue Monk Kidd.  I swear this book was written just for me!  It has reached and touched something inside of me.  It has helped me identify the missing or lost thing in me.  It makes sense why all these things are coming together at this point for me.  I am beginning a journey of self.

I have always believed that life is about balance.  The sad thing is on a most basic level, the femine balance has been lost.  It is so easy not to see cause the world is based on mostly man principles.  From the very beginning of the bible, women are born into sin.  Men are good.  Eve basically tricked Adam.  This is just the way it is.  But my stating this is not to have a theology discussion at this point, it is to explain where I am.  I do not see the feminine and masculine balanced.  I do not feel it.  There is a little girl/woman/crone in me screaming to be heard and not compliant.  I want to explore the Feminine Divine and all her gifts.  I am so familar with our masculine God - but I can't see how something as spirutual as God can be so biased.  Instead of searching to others for answers, I think by looking with in, I will be discovering my feminine stength.  Thru her/me, I will find a more balanced world.

For a long time I have said that my biggest problem is dealing with me when all are asleep and it is just me.  I suspect that is cause there is something lacking, hurting, missing and I am going to find it, mend it.  I am going to grow stronger.

No, I am not leaving my family to find some crazy cult where all we eat are protein drinks and my new name is Rainstorm.  But, I have pulled out my crystals and oil lamps with scented oils.  I am again wearing my agate for strength.  Instead of asking for persmission with certain things to Ben (BTW, not a rant on Ben... he is awesome and I love him!), I am explaining my feelings - even if that means we have to agree to disagree.  Good man that he is, he is open to where I am coming from and meeting me in the middle.  And I am stopping giving unimportant people, like work people the power to influence me, what I think of myself and caring what they think of me.  Think a mix of Green Fried Tomatos and Shirley Valentine and a hint of When Stella Got her Groove on.  The only difference is that unlike some of those women, my husband and kiddos are coming for the ride.

Other tid bits:

- We took the kids to My Little Pony Live on Thurs.  It was a hoot.  We then took the kiddos out for hot fudge sundaes.

- Thinking of getting a cat from the SPCA.  Kids and I are on board.  We are working on Ben.  The kids fell in LOVE with a white cat with odd colored eyes named Puff.  Due to a mix-up, there is one family ahead of us.  We were told his name was Buff so when the other family applied for Puff, they did not see our app and the other family was offered Puff.  (They did not show today tho to get him.  Stay away other family!!!)  Our second choice is either a gray tabby named Julia or a gray calico named Patches.  Fingers crossed Ben gets on board!!!!

- Sam peed on the basement floor tonight cause she was to lazy to go the toliet.  Needless to say, she was punished.  She went right to bed and was not to happy about it.  To freaking bad.

- Kit has taken to hoping  in bed with me at around 2 AM.  He says Momma is most comfy and Dada like Kit's bed best anyway.

- Susanna got her third tooth but in a weird place.  It is on the top left between where the front tooth should be and the eye tooth.  I think it is the top lateral incisor. Stange eh?

On that note good night!

So tonight was busy.  I ended up having basically 2 stations as well as hosting.  Instead of a thank you, I was told by bosses wife that my last friday of each month was no longer mine.  They needed to give it to a 15 year old.  When I asked why, I was told it wasn't really my shift.  Really?  I have only been working it for a year and a half now... 

I also switched my Tues night with the Monday night girl so I can take the kids trick or treating.  Everyone else trades.  Well bosses wife tells me that she can work my Tues but I can not work her Monday.  Apprarently only I am not allowed to switch. 

I waited for wife to leave and asked boss about it.  He was dumbfounded why I'd be upset.  It was only one shift.  Uh, and like 100 bucks from my pocket.  Duh, I am not rich thus me working....  And he did not know about the Monday.  He said I can come in the Monday. 

I pressed that I am reliable and that I am there for the money.  Hello, I have kids, this is not extra beer money or shopping money.  Like they give 2 shits.

I sucked it up cause the cash is good most of the time.  But, man, I feel like I left my self respect at the front door.  I have kids, so I will put up with it - but man, I really hate it and boy do I wish I could tell them to fuck off right now.  I am so pissed.

Been following nurse's advice and not stressing.  Had sex twice and NO bleeding!!!!!  (And it was GOOD sex too, LOL...)  I did get PPAF 2 weeks ago and maybe that was the problem before hand.  Had awful radiate ovary pain, but that could be O-ing and PCOS hand in hand.  So over all, not thinking C word anymore and I won't go back there unless Doc says too.

Still working out.  Did not use inhaler today before and had nasty asthma attack.  An appt with pumlinologist in 1.5 weeks.  I was calm tho and used my inhaler and was fine.

Susanna stood yesterday with out holding onto anything and tried to walk.  Her cruising days are numbered and she will be walking soon.

Sam wants to learn to play the guitar!

Kit knows the complete ABC's and sings them to Susanna all the time.

Sam and Kit have nick named Susanna, Kiki.  Where they got that who knows?

We are taking the kids to the My Little Pony Live Show next week.  We have 8th row, center stage tickets.  You know you are a parent when that gets you all jazzed, LOL.

Found a women's group locally that I met with Monday night and it was awesome!!!!

This summer I will be taking Sam away for a few days to a woman's gathering in Northern PA.  It just for women and girls - all about the strength and spirit of being a woman.  I am very excited!!!!!!!  Ben is so supportive about it and will watch Kit and Susanna for me.  When Susanna gets bigger she can come to.  I will make sure that Kit and I get some quality one on one special time before we go.

Kristin has the sweetest u/s pics I have ever seen.  :)

Too much to do, not enough time.  Must get kids down for nap and ready for work.  Peace, Love and Happiness.  :) 

The nurse called actually.  She said not to stress at this point.  If I have any other bleeding in the next 3 weeks, then I have to have a D&C.  I guess that means I actually have to have sex again, heaven knows with all of this I just feel oh-so-sexy...

It seems like lately all I have blogged about are bad things.  It just seems like health has not been at it's best in my house.  I have not blogged about one issue I have been having for awhile, but today I am going to because it is the root of my fear, thus this entry.... 

I have been having bleeding after sex.  I have had this in the past when pg, but being I am not pg, I decided to call my GYN.  They scheduled me for an appt.  At the appt, he tried to find my cervix, but after 20 mins or so with every speculum in the office, he could not find it.  It was way to high.  So he had me go in for a u/s.

The u/s itself was a PIA.  Being not pg, I had to drink a ton by 7:45 cause the u/s was sch for 8:30.  Well they were running behind and by 9:30 I told them I was going to wet myself.  Soon they called me in.  The u/s tech was having trouble getting all my uterus cause it was so long and big.  She was going to make me wait another 15 mins.  I was like, "uh, no cause I will pee on your table."  It was close to 10 by this point.  She said we could do a vaginal u/s and I didn't have to have a full bladder for that.  Why didn't they give me that option to begin with!!!!

During the u/s she told me that my uterus is over 2 cm bigger than normal and then let it slip that there was fluid in it.  When I asked what they meant.  She got very evasive and tried to back step and say they didn't learn about that at u/s school.  From that point on, she didn't really tell me anything else, but became much nicer.  After I got dressed, she walked me to the door, the outside on of the building and pressed on me to call my doctor soon for the results.  It was odd, but at the time I wasn't really thinking about what it meant.

That night after work, I put my symptoms into google, just to see what came up.  I often do this to get a heads up.  Well I wasn't expecting the answer I got. 

Before I go further let me preface that I KNOW that a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing.  I also know that I could be completely wrong and all this worry can be for nothing.  Unfortunately logic and emotion do not always connect.

Well these two things are symptomatic of cancer in the uterus, specifically the lining.  My find immediately flashed to my uncle who was diagnosed with cancer and died 3 weeks later (pancreatic) and my great grandmother died on uterine cancer.  Altho I am not post menstrual (a big factor with this), I have PCOS, I am overweight, I was GD (diabetes a factor) and I have high estrogen (after births).

As my mind began to reel, I decided to cross reference asthma with this tidbit of information.  We still have not been able to figure out what has triggered my asthma to be so bad (this is the worst it has ever been).  And some women who have asthma, it gets worse when hormonal things happen.  Oddly enough, my bleeding issues and asthma started around the same time.

I am waiting on my doctor to call me back.  I am pretty sure that he will schedule me for a D&C.  They can test the cells and fluid to see what it going on.  The u/s tech let that slip.  So here I wait.

Again this may be nothing.  However, at my age, cancer is a word that I never expected to hear.  I am trying not to let it overtake my thoughts.  But as I watch my kids, I can't even imagine that they could grow up with out a mother.  (Things being the worst that it...)  All I can hope that IF there is a problem, we caught it early.  I would just tell them to take everything out and that G-d that I have the 3 wonderful kids that I do have.

I can deal with the prospect of a hysterectomy.  I can deal with the thought of chemo and/or radiation - no hair and all.  I can not deal with the thought of not being here with my husband and children.

Today the doc listened to my chest and told me that my chest is horribly tight.  I am using my abuterol every 4 hours and the Singular does not do anything for me.  We talked about my nursing.  He said I should stop and then I could be put on oral steroids.  I said NO.  He understood even tho disagreed and then referred me to a pulminologist.  I have an appt in 3 weeks.

Later today when getting Sam's flu shot, the ped asked me what was wrong.  She said she could hear me breathing as soon as she walked in the door.  I told her about my asthma.  She said that with nursing I could use a neb with Pulmicort.  She has asthma as well and she said it really helps her.  She also reassured me that since it goes straight to my lungs, the amt transferred to Susanna would be minimal.

After we left, I called my doc and pushed for it.  I got the pulmicort today, but can't get my neb til tomorrow.  I am hoping it will work and the permanent vice grip on my lungs lets up.  I am so tired of being tired, hearing myself breath and feeling like the fat lady from the circus has permanently planted her ass on my chest.

On a happier note, Susanna can now pull herself up.  This child is going to be my earliest walker yet!!!!!!

 

We are finally cootie free in the House of Lee... YEAY!!!!!  This weekend, some of my (nice) cousins were going to Knoebels, which is an amusement park in central PA.  Even tho it wasn't really in the budget, we decided to go for the weekend too.  We actually did not go until Sat cause I worked Fri night (which was well worth it cause I made 165 and that pretty much covered everything aside from the hotel and a few meals out...).

We left Sat after Sam's swim lessons and got there about 2 hours before the park closed.  The park is VERY kids centric.  It is closed after summer, but opens for 1 weekend in Oct for a HUGE craft show.  The timing was perfect cause it let us go on a few rides and blow off some steam before going back to the hotel.  The hotel had a restaurant, which was very cheap yet very tasty!  We had a yummy dinner and then caught up with with my cousins.

We saw K & M first.  They are kid free (so far) but will be getting married next Oct.  We chatted for a bit.  K gave us 2 beer for me and Ben later.  It has been ages since I had a beer, lol.  She offered more, but we are light weights now, so I said no.  :)  We then went to B & A's room.  They were settling the kids down for bed.  J is 3 and A is 1, so they also have early bedtimes.  Ben took Sam and Kit on an adventure so K, A and I could chat in the hallway (all women) as Susanna sat and played.

It was fun chatting but also made me miss my gal pals who I usually do the hotel hallway gabbing with.  :)

After a bit, Susanna and I met Ben and the kids upstairs.  He had Sam and Kit in bed watching 1 show before sleep.  I nursed Susanna and she passed right out.  She then went right to sleep in the crib.  I swear that child is the sweetest thing.  She is just so sweet and so good.  Sam and Kit would NEVER have gone to sleep so easily.  Sam and Kit passed out about a half hour later (in part to a trick my friend Michelle taught me, lol...).

Ben and I packed some cards  (a game called Magic) and while the kids slept, we played and drank our beer.  Cause we were sharing a room with the kids, we did not want to put on the TV, which ended up being better.  We played for several hours and chatted and hung out.  It was really nice.  We used to play cards a lot before the kids and we haven't in ages.  It was so nice to just play.

I ended up with all the kids in bed with me.  I didn't mind.  Truthfully, I LOVE having the kidlets in bed with me.  Ben got a nice big bed to himself, which he also did not mind, lol.

The next day, we had breakfast with all our cousins and headed to the park.  We had SUCH a nice time.  Sam and Kit braved up to go on both the kiddie roller coaster and the haunted house.  Sam loved both, Kit not so much, lol... but he wanted to try, so we said yes.  We talked about the haunted house being pretend, so he was OK with it. 

There were TONS of kiddie rides and of course we hit them all MANY, MANY times over.  I just LOVE watching the joy on the kids faces as they experience things that are just so new and wonderful.  It is more fun than doing it myself.

The men all went on the bumper cars together and LOVED that.  They may get bigger, but they are ALL still boys at heart, lol.  We spent some of the day as a large group but then some of it on our own.  It was really nice.  We can't wait for next year.

Here are some pics...

A very passed out Kit!

Daddy and the kiddos hanging out.

Momma and Susanna watching the big kids ride.

A very cute Susanna.

Sam and Kit on the Frogger saying "Rib it!"

Everyone loves the bumper cars.

Sam and Kit LOVED the Whip.  The went on 3x In a row.

Sam showing her very special fairy necklace the Momma got for her.

 

 

 

Guess who now has blisters on her hands, feet and mouth????? Samantha???? No.  Susanna???  Not any new ones.  Yes, folks, me... I am a grown up 37 year old woman with H F & M.

Excuse me for a moment... O$%)($@_@#)*$_@(#*$)@%()&(*&#_*!_@)#$(_@$%@#&$*&@y()%*&@#$)%_@#)$(*_#@)($*_ #*%)_$@#()@_#$98349!!!!!!!!!!!  .

Ok, now that I got that out, I am going to take some Mortin and go to bed. Just wanted to share my joyous news. 

The blisters popped out today.  Luckily she is doing better.  I found a remedy of mixing even amounts of Mylanta and liquid benadryl numb the sores in her mouth.  I use a q-tip to apply.  She was actually crawling today and playful.  She crawled to the stairs and tried climbing them.  Luckily not sucessfully.  I mean, hello Susanna, you are only 6 1/2 months... 

I now think it was what Sam had a few weeks ago.  Suzanne, Susanna did not have crazy temps, but Sam did a few weeks ago.  She also had blisters in her throat.  Kit then had crazy fevers but that is it. 

From what I gather, H F & M hit kids differently.  Some kids do not get any symptoms.

Now poor Ben has blisters in his mouth.  I am never going to be germ free again!!!!  My guess is we caught the cooties at child watch in the gym. Alas, that is a necessary evil if I ever plan on finding my feet again.  And I guess the more antibodies the better, right????

I still think my doc could have been more sympathetic.  And if I could find the remedy for pain relief (Benadryl Mylanta thing...), shouldn't he have that?????

So many questions, so little sleep, lol....

Linda and Susan, I did not mean to miss you guys (and anyone else I missed...) on my shout out entry.  The more kids, the less brain cells I have....

Boy do I wish I was going to be in Disney.  Altho with Susanna having H F & M, I guess it is good we aren't going.  Have fun everyone.

Nighty, night!!!

 

 

Susanna is sick.  The doc thinks it is Coxsackie, however, no blisters on hands or feet.  She does have a few in the mouth tho and eating/drinking is awful.  She doesn't even want to nurse which kills me.  My kids have always wanted to nurse, even when sick. 

Susanna is usually the happiest, most pleasant child ever.  To see her so fussy is just awful.  Even Motrin is not helping with enough relief to make her want to nurse.  We have been watering down baby fruit and feeding her liquids by a spoon.  So far, she is at least hydrated.

The doc today didn't seem to on the money.  We use a practice of peds and I do not particularly like this doc.  It could be Coxsackie, but since he didn't even swab for anything and also said it could also be herpes 1 (Which btw, no one in our house has...) and/or the chicken pox - we'd have to wait and see...  I am thinking of taking her to our family doc instead.

I HATE when the kids are sick.  I wish it were me 10x over than them even once.  My poor Susanna.

I received the following email today from a close friend/relative (who btw, I love very much....).  It had two things in it and this was the 2nd thing.  I will let you read it and then I will tell my thoughts on it afterwards...

 

 

I must say that I found this offensive.  Don't get me wrong, I HATE terrorism and I wish terrorists a special place in hell.  However, as I read this, all I could think was what about muslim/americans who may receive this email.  How would that make them feel?  If my kids read (if they could read yet...) my email, what would this email be teaching them?  Racial slurs are racial slurs.  Towel head, Kike, Wet back, Nigger, Mic, Chink... all are equally awful and I want no part of any. 

If you look at any race, you will find both good and bad.  Spreading hatred and bigiotry is not what I want to teach my children and how I want to lead my life.

What is even more ironic, is the person who sent it is Jewish.  Tolerance...  I wish there was more of it in the world.