Michelle asked me awhile ago if the cold and dark weather had me down and I was like, "no way!"  Well now that it is bright and warmer, I am feeling more alive again, so I am wondering if that wasn't part of my problem.  This was the first winter in YEARS that I wasn't on pre-natals and now I am thinking maybe I was having a shortage of vitamin D.  Diabetes is still a problem.  Still not fit and fantastic.  Still poor.  Not everyday is a parade, but, I am feeling better!  I feel like me again.  And I hadn't in a long, long, long time.

I had the kiddos outside today.  We started running around at 8:00 AM and we are just getting in now at 7:30 PM.  Both Sam and Kit have started riding regular 2 wheel bikes.  Sam is so, so cautious and Kit is like a wild man, lol.  Susanna likes to sit on the Big Wheel and push herself with her feet.  She does not let her little body or age keep her back from hanging with the big kids.  We had all the neighborhood kids riding bikes in our driveway and playing in the yard.  We seem to be the hang out house, which I like.  I figure when the kids are older, as long as I keep the fridge stocked, they can continue to hang here and then I can more easily keep an eye on them!  Yes, plotting and planning ahead, lol.

Today I started looking into getting the kids passports.  I do not like the idea of not being able to leave the country - even to Canada or Mexico - and not being able to come back with out one.  It makes me feel trapped.  So we are going to find the dollars and get the kids their own.

Sam's bday party was awesome.  We had a swim party at the YMCA.  It was fast paced and the kids had a blast.  I can't believe my monkey is 5.  She is so big as well!  I am looking forward to going away for a few days in June, just me and Samantha.  I like to have one on one time with her - she is truly very pleasant company.  Being she is the oldest, she gets less of my time at this point cause the younger ones just need more.  This will be nice for both of us.

Kit is still coming to sleep with me at night.  Less than before, but still most nights.  He genuinely wakes up with bad dreams, so I figure fine.  I rather him have the security of me there.  I do not care what SuperNanny says.  I highly doubt he will still be sleeping with me when he is 10!

Speaking of sleep, we moved the girls to our old room and made it to a fairy room.  We took the nursery and made it very south west.  Kit will have the space bedroom, altho right now he wants his official bed to be with the girls.  The space room can sit empty for awhile.  We just got a great deal on bunk beds - listed 650 but by mistake on their web site for 199.  They gave us the 199 price!  WOO HOO!  They arrive in a few weeks.  Susanna is still in her crib, so we can have the bunks and the crib in the big room.  It will work!  I like that my kids are so close that they all want to be together at night.  I think it forges an even closer bond.

I am a bit envious and in awe of some of my lady friends who are busy with lives of their owns, kids and the whole deal, yet never seem to miss a birthday or anything.  They post on the board, read blogs, send IMs, emails, the works!  I am still trying to get back to me and am lucky if I can brush my teeth, lol.  So know I think you are Goddesses.

Speaking of my Goddess friends, Michelle - I have been thinking of you and the kids so often.  It breaks my heart that Gabe still is having such pain from his headaches.  And now that Hannah has the Chiarra too.  Know I have been praying and thinking of you all!  The guest book still won't let me in.  I think Ben set my computer not to accept cookies and that is causing a problem.  Also, ty for thinking of me on my bday!

Kristin, ty for my bday wishes - a day late when you have 5 kids, is a day early for reg people.  And BTW, your kids are so beautiful!  I love the pic you sent, altho Sam has stolen it cause it is pics of her friends, lol.  I can't wait to meet Miss Macy and hold her.  She is too precious.

Carie and Tiff also ty for thinking of me on my bday!  Tiff, I lent the diapers to my sister - but I can try to get them back.  It just will take me a bit cause they just moved back to NC, literally, yesterday.  So she is living in a box right now.

Wendi and Jen C, ty for taking the time to email me when I know you both are busy.  Jen, I know you are super busy with 4 and I hope everyone is feeling better!  Wendi, I hope your trip to Hawaii was AWESOME!

To everyone on the board, thanks for the bday wishes for me, Samantha and Susanna!  And I hope all the LC's had great bdays!

Must get the kiddos a snack b4 bed.  So I am off for now! 

 

As Kit grows into a boy, I have noticed that many toddlers when making the transition to kid-dom develop a new found independence.  Simple requests become big battles.  They come up with some creative ways to defy...

There is the "wag your finger in defiance", which is silent, but screams non compliance.  To stay in the genre of silent strategies, there is the walking away from me or the going to time out before I can say time out.

A funny technique is the old but reliable, "I'm not talking to you!"

There is the plethora of "I'll cut your hand off", "I'll pull your hair"... etc.  Where they get that from I do not know!

My personal favorite is the marching away from me while telling me, "I'm moving out!"  Where exactly is my three year old boy moving?

But Ben got the best retort last night.  "Dada, you better do what I want or I will pull your penis off." 

11:48 AM March 3, 2006 my beautiful baby girl was born.  Since that moment, Susanna has been nothing short of pure joy to all our lives.  She is a happy, intelligent, funny girl that is adored by everyonen who knows her.  Like her big sister, she has her own mind.  She thinks nothing of backing up and sitting on anyone who isn't giving her the attention she deems she deserves.

Today she has a blast helping me and the older ones make her cake.  She was covered head to toe and needed a bath.  She also enjoyed eating her cake, resulting in another bath.  However, like her brother, she did not like it when her hands got to sticky.

It saddens me that she is truly on her way to toddlerhood and done babyhood.  Yet, she is healthy and happy, so I am also overjoyed.

I am currently working on moving the kids to the big bedroom and soon enough she will be sharing a room with Samantha.  We will be doing it in fairies!  I have a feeling Kit will be with them for awhile too, lol, which is fine.  So his room will be empty until he is ready.  :) 

Strange thinking of Susanna old enough to share a big girl room.  *sigh*  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SWEETEST BABY!

 

 

Thanks to everyone for the other day.  I am having a hard time, but it is nice to know I am not alone - even when I feel that way sometimes.

 

I think perhaps there are 3 people who probably read my blog - either that or very few people actually care enough to write anything.  Don't get me wrong, this is not a poor me post.  But I read other's people's blogs and there will be like 10 posts if someone gets a splinter.  I am here, pretty depressed, and nothing.  When I am funny and upbeat everyone wants to be my friend - but when I am not... Wendy who?  I am used to never being tagged or mentioned or pretty much thought of, but man, I think I am just over it.  But since apparently I don't have any friends, it doesn't much matter does it?  I mean, heck, pretty much no one has noticed I have been MIA for how long?  I could have been murdered, jumped off a bridge or abducted by aliens 10X over.  So there ya go.

 

I have been overwhelmed lately.  Pneumonia, surgery on the thumb, crap weather, diabetic problems, new medication, weaning, Susanna turning a year... So I have been very MIA.  That is how I get when I get a bit down.  I will be fine tho.  This too shall pass.

 

Quick Congrats to the Flan Clan on the BEAUTIFUL arrival of Miss Macy!  A def bright spot to brighten my sour mood of late.

Here a few pics of the kids I promised to Michelle... a tea party birthday party and snow days...

Will write more later!

 

It just seems like time goes by too fast and it is my poor little blog that is falling by the way side.

I met with the principal of Sam's poss elementary school.  Sam tested with the kinder-garden teacher at the same time.  The principal was supposed to call me with in a week, which of course she did not.  The whole thing was silly.  Every question I asked was pretty much blown off.  When I asked if there was a criteria for getting in the 1st grade, I was told they didn't have one.  I am soo excited now cause since there isn't a criteria, I am going to send our cat to 1st grade too as soon as he is old enough.  *eyes rolling*  We were also told that kindergarten is social acclimation and 1st grade is when they start learning.

I was leaning toward skipping Samantha into the 1st grade.  Then I read something when researching school districts that actually have a criteria.  The sooner we start our kids in elementary, the sooner they leave us to go on to college.  That hit home with me.   So we give her an extra easy year for fun.  We will still continue our studies at home.  And then Sam will have a real academic advantage.  Later, she can gobble up all the scholarships and not be in debt for the rest of her life.

We also have a meeting of a great Montessori school that is about 30 mins away.  A good friend of mine sends her son there.  AND.... we are poor enough to be eligible for full scholarships for both Sam and Kit!  WOO HOO!

We figure that we have time.  We will know more after we meet the Montessori school staff.  Until then Sam will continue both her reading - we are moving on to the next set of BOB books - and her math - we are moving into double digit addition and single digit subtraction.  She is doing great with guitar too. 

Kit is funny cause he wants his fair share of schooling.  He loves to read the BOB books, but he does it out of memorization.  That said, he does get there correlation of letters to words.  The other day he was moving the magnetic letters on the fridge reciting the MATT book.  When I asked him what he was doing, he told me that he was spelling the words in the book.  So we are starting with letter recognition for him.  He knows his ABCs, so now we want him to recognize them.  Count Kit in as another boy who loves math.  He loves doing math problems with Sam.  He is not as good, but can do very basic addition and subtraction.

Then there is Miss Susanna who is picking up the baby sign like a fish in water.   The sad news tho is that today is the last day I can nurse her.  I had to have surgery on my thumb cause I lost the ability to use it (trigger thumb) and for the pain med, I am on vicadin.  I can not take that while nursing.  Susanna loves real food and the ped said she is fine to drink reg milk.  I was planning on weaning her on her 1st bday cause I need to go on glucaphage.  I just wasn't prepared for today.

The surgery was today.  It went well and my thumb should be back at 100%.  Ben is off today and tomorrow.  I have groovy pain meds.  But I can't nurse my baby.  Bittersweet.  Isn't that always the way?

 

Pneumonia gone, asthma being naughty, over all - breathing much better and getting back to life. 

Saw ortho today.  Having surgery on left thumb on 2/8.

Last 3 babies that I predicted the sex based on what I saw in my head was right.  Just found out a very good friend IRL is having a girl.  They are concerned her placenta is not getting enough blood tho.  She gets another u/s in 6 weeks.  The good news is the baby looked perfect at her 21 week u/s.  I think that is a good sign.

Pre menstral.  Crying at everything.  I cried at the Rachel Ray show at the gym the other day when I was walking on the treadmill.  How pathetic is that!

Sam is blowing her guitar teacher away.  She is already whizzing thru her beginner lesson book.  Reading music is coming so naturally to her!  Sam is also doing basic math problems (She LOVES when I give her stars, stickers and smiley faces for a good job!) every morning with me and is reading very beginner books.  We are talking with the school district about having her start right in 1st grade gifted.  However, the prob is we want what is best for her emotionally and intellectually.

Kit freaked me out the other day when he picked up one of Sam's BOB books are started reading the very first one, MATT.

Susanna is walking so well and climbing stairs too.  Today she started stacking blocks and she has learned her first baby signs, MORE, PLEASE and UP.

Am I a shameful bragger?  Not really.  Ok, maybe a bit.  But I haven't blogged in ages and where these should have been spaced over several blog entries where I don't sound like such a bragger - they have been condensed in to little, efficient blurbs.

Best of all, Ben and I have been having some really nice quality time and then some really, really nice quality time *wink* *wink*&

Night!

I have been so sick and so have the kids.  The good news is that the kids just have a very nasty virus.  The bad news is I have both a very nasty virus and very nasty pnuemonia in my right lung.

I have been feeling so crap.  This morning, I knew Ben had to work all day and I lost it, sobbing like a small child.  I called my mom at 8 AM and asked her to come up cause I didn't trust myself to be able to take care of the kiddos.  I didn't think I'd be all like Ya Ya Sisterhood on them - but I wasn't sure I had the strength to take care of them  I have NEVER done that.  I also called Ben once I made my doc appt and told him that he had to come home and drive me.  He first starting going into how the store is short cause 2 people are on vacation.  I cut him off, "In the 11 years we have been married, have I ever asked you to drop what you are doing?  I am telling you that I am too sick to drive especially with our children in the car.  Do I need to say anything else?"  He was like, yup, right, see ya at 11.

What really made me nervous was that my fever stopped responding to Motrin and I started having new symptoms like stiff neck, sensitivity to light, disorientation.  I was so relieved in some respects that it was pnuemonia!  And the other symptoms were cause I was dehydrated.  My doc said if my symptoms got worse that I'd have to be admitted for IV fluids.  I promised I'd go home and drink tons of water.

So here I am at home.  I still feel like crap, but I am home!  And with the proper meds should be feeling better in a few days.

Those of you who know me and read my blog, know I am on a spiritual journey.  My eyes are opened and I feel blessed in the gifts/awareness/freedom I am finding.  The path I am following is one that is right for me and my family.  The shoe fits.  I am spiritual and I know I am a good person.  However, that said, just cause this is the correct fit for me, Ben, and the kids - does not mean that it is for everyone.  Can I tell you how much it freaking pisses me off when I read stuff about different religions claiming they are the ONLY true one.  I mean, how f-ing conceited.  Why in the world would there be such a plethora of choice if only ONE is correct and everyone else be damned???!!!  So what, those of us who live our lives being good, honest, decent people will go to hell cause we aren't members of the cool club?  WTF?  It is like my big prob with Judaism, when we were told that men with un circ'ed penises won't get into Heaven.  So Ben and Kit, as good hearted as they are are condemned FOREVER?  Yeah, uh, no.  Do not agree.  Will not accept that nonsense.

People have the right to believe that.  And if that makes them happy, that is fine.  I am OK with agreeing to disagree.  And I can like people even when we do not share the same opinion.  However, this is my blog and I am stating that I find that so totally baffling and it makes me so angry!

The second thing that drives me totally bonkers is that we are all born into sin.  My children are born into sin.  Uh, I have to say no, I do not agree with that one.  Sorry.  Does not sound right.  Not embracing that.  Not teaching that to my children.  Why would I embrace something that basically would make me feel like I am never good enough????  I can do that to myself all on my own if I want to - and I do not. 

Anyway, reading is a good thing cause it certainly puts things into perspective for me.  Everyday I am sure that I am on my right path.  Ben feels it, I feel it and so do the kids.  I am so comforted by the love of the Goddess and God, Mother and Father, Yin and Yang.  I feel it from with in and I feel it around me through out the universe.  I can live my life by being the person I want to be.  I teach my kids to be the best they can be, know right from wrong, and to lead by example.  And we can feel good about ourselves at the same time.

End Rant....

 

 

was supposed to be a video of the kids, but there is a problem with the link.  Webmaster Ben is working on it, so hopefully I will be able to post it soon.  Look for Lights, Camera, Action, Take 2.

Anyway, I was putting away the Christmas decorations (inside ones).  They go in the lower basement.  Ben helped me clean out some junk down there.  One of the things we decided to get rid of was the big baby swing.  Susanna is now 24 lbs.  Need I say more?  LOL.  Well this upset Sam very much.  I asked her why.  She replied that we were going to need that for the baby boy that I was going to have in 6 years.  I guess that is how long it will take for my tubes to reconnect, lol.  So if I end up pregnant in 6 years, be assured it IS a boy and Sam said it first.  It makes you wonder.  She did predict 2 months before I got pregnant with Susanna that I was going to have a baby girl.  Rember Ann-Susie?  Can you imagine?  I think I'd fall over if I ended up pg at age.... well too darned old, lol.

December 26th, 2003 at 9:06 AM, my beautiful boy entered this world.  His birth was the easiest and most pleasant experience of my life and he has been ever since.  Kit is such a joy in my life.  He is kind hearted and sweet.  This year for Christmas he told Santa he wanted a fan for Mama and Susanna.  When Santa asked what he wanted for himself, he said nothing - just the fans for Mama and Susanna.  (Since we took out the window unit air conditioners, he thinks they are missing...)

Kit always has time for a cuddle, hug and a kiss for Mama.  He is growing up so fast which makes me happy, but sad too.  I know before I know it, my little boy's cuddles, hugs and kisses will be grown up cuddles, hugs and kisses for some lucky girl out there.  *sigh*  Poor Mama!

Happy 3rd birthday to my darling boy!  I love you more than I could ever say.

Christopher woke up the other night from a nightmare.  I calmed him down and cuddled him while he fell asleep.  He was half way between sleep and concsiousness when he turned to me and said, "Mama, I picked you.  I picked Dada too.  I wanted you.  I got in my boat and came across the occean to get you before the other kids did.  I wanted you to be my Mama."

Can we say AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW?

BTW, HI TAMMY!!!!!

I was tagged by myself.

On the 1st day of Christmas, my sister gave to me, a brand new baby nephew.

On the 2nd day of Christmas, Tiffini gave to me, a spouse for each of my children.

On the 3rd day of Christmas, Carie gave to me, a live audience for my boobie web cam show.

On the 4th day of Christmas, Laura gave to me, advice on my aches and pains while preggo.

On the 5th day of Christmas, Michelle gave to me, tempation to join her on the dark side.

On the 6th day of Chrismas, Kristin gave to me, comfort in knowing that I am not the only one who thinks Natural Born Killers was funny.

On the 7th day of Christmas, Jess gave to me, directions that did NOT get me where I was going.

On the 8th day of Christmas, Leanna gave to me, "I had you at hello" and where I got to see the one arm butt monkey.

On the 9th day of Christmas, Linda gave to me, a constant voice of reason with an occasional use of the word fuck.

On the 10th day of Christmas,  Suzanne gave to me, genuine kindness, compassion and interest in my life. 

On the 11th day of Christmas, Aritha gave to me, a confindant to dish Big Brother and Amazing Race with when ever I want to.

On the 12th day of Christmas, my husband gave to me, a life full of love and the three best children in the world.

And I tag myself.

(So what comes first, the chicken or the egg?????)

My nephew is HERE!!!!!!!  Announcing....

Mathew Evan

December 13, 2006

12:39 AM

6 lb 4 oz

19 inches

Now I am off to Altoona!

My sister is in LABOR!!!!!  I have never been so excited over someone else's labor, lol.  I will get to give this little baby lots of love with out doing any of the work.  And when he gets older, my kids can rile him up and then we go home - ha,ha.

So tomorrow Ben will leave work early and I will be traveling to western PA to good ole Altoona. 

Now if I can only get to sleep tonight.

Sam's swim instructor pulled me aside last week and told me that Sam often does not listen and that she is challenging.  She can do the work but does not want to.  I asked for an example and she said that when they were practicing a stoke, Sam stopped and said, "I don't want to do it this way.  Mermaids don't swim like this."  I tried not to laugh out loud.

Over the course of the week I thought about this.  Let me back up by saying that this particular teacher never impressed me.  She never smiles and always has a look on her face like she just ate a bunch of lemons.  Further, I have always gotten great feedback from Sam's teachers at school, for the past 3 years, about how polite she is and what a good student she is.  Something did not jive.

This week I decided to sit and watch her class.  Usually I will do something with Kit and Susanna - but this week I put them in child watch to play so I could watch Sam.

As usual the teacher had the sour face on.  I did notice that she always makes Sam go last.  Sam is slower.  She would constantly tell Sam that she was doing something wrong and then kind of move her thru the water to get done.  What really irritated me was that often she treated Sam like she wasn't trying, when it was evident she was trying, she just wasn't getting it.  This was when they were working on the breaststroke, which is not an easy stroke to master.

Many times the teacher was telling the others to do something else and leaving Sam behind and then getting irritated cause Sam was not doing what the others were.  I felt my blood begin to boil!  But, I was going to stay calm in front of Sam and try to make this fun for her. 

I would catch her eye when she was swimming and give her a thumbs up.  She would beam from ear to ear and give me a thumbs up too.  When she was waiting to get in the water while the teachers were off with the others, I would go to her and whisper something positive in her ear like, "You swim beautifully like a mermaid.  I think you are just the best.  Now when it is your turn, let me see you best mermaid swim."  Again, this would make her smile.

I am going to say something to the head of the swim department after Sam's last class next week.  I want to wait til she is done, so the teacher does not bring it out on her if it gets back to her.  And let me tell you my thoughts on why I am going to say something.

First, kids function best off positive reinforcement.  There are many ways to do this even if the child isn't getting the stroke.  "Good effort John Doe!  Now next time try doing X and it will be even better."  "Great energy Sally Somebody!  You try so hard!"  "Much better Billy Bob - you are really trying!"   When kids feel empowered, their whole demeanor changes and their confidence grows.  Second, this class if about having fun and confidence.  I mean, c'mon, it is an advanced class... but for 3-5 year olds.  If Sam was that talented with this that she was going to be an Olympic swimmer, we'd find a trainer and such.  Puh-lease!  This class should be fun.  For us, the main thing we wanted was for Sam to have fun and to help with her fear of putting her head under water.  (Residual fear from her accident...)  Third, a teacher of kids should smile and like her job.  If I can tell from 50 feet away that she does not, trust me, so can the kids.

Ben laughed at me staking out the swim class, but I do not care.  When it comes to my kids, I do not care if I am a PIA.  I do not expect them to be pandered to and I know how to let them learn by their mistakes but at the same time I WILL make sure they are treated with respect.

Momma Wendy is on the prowl.  MEOW!  

 

 

Yep, I'm your mommy babies!

 

I was talking to a very good friend of mine recently.  She and I are soul sisters and often are at similar places at the same time in our lives.  We were discussing religion.  She has recently found a fit in Gnostic Christianity like I have found my fit with Wicca.  I asked questions of her cause I had not heard of Gnostic Christianity.  You would think that it would be polar opposite of where I am - yet surprisingly is not.

Both were big on living life in a way that does not hurt others.  They agreed on being accepting of other.  I called them both pacifistic.

It made me think about the term "God" and how it equates to religion.  I believe, that God in most religions is pretty similar.  I believe God is loving.  He/she is there to support and help us grow.  In many ways God is like the proverbial parent - guiding force.  Specifics may be different how ever.  To some God is in heaven over seeing all.  Others may see God as energy and a state of consciousness.  And then there are those like me that see the whole higher power being made of both feminine and masculine sides - call it yin/yang - God and Goddess - two parts of the whole. 

What saddens me is when people, of any denomination take their religion and use it as an excuse to be ugly, intimidating or just mean.  I do not understand the religions that say believe as I believe or you will burn.  Why would God make so many choices if there was only one right causing most people to burn in hell?  Does not make sense to me.

I think anyone who is true to their religion, what ever it may be is inspirational.  I think true devotion is a beautiful thing.  And I think the different ways people can be and the diversity of religion is quite amazing.  As much as I am finding myself in Wicca - I am reading just about everything about religion in general that I can get my hands on.

One of the wonderful things I am really liking about Wicca is the expression "What ever works!"  Basically as long as you follow the Wiccan Rede - "An Ye Harm None, Do What You Will."  This being said, I doubt there are many Wiccans exactly alike anywhere, lol.  That works for me being I like to ask questions.  It also lets me incorporate the things I find close to my heart from both my Jewish and Catholic upbringing.

I recently read in one friends blog - this blogger is a pretty devote Christan, altho I am not sure of what denomination - that she tries to hate the sin and the person. I take that to mean, that even when she does not agree with a choice or a belief that someone has, she still tries to keep an open mind and heart to the person and may like them anyway.  It's the old concept that friends can agree to disagree.

For me, I like the way I am feeling.  I am connected to the earth.  I find strength and power in seeing the magic and wonder in nature.  The cycle of life makes sense to me, like the changing of the seasons.  A higher power that consists of a mother and father, a Goddess and God, feminine and masculine - that makes sense to me. 

Ben is so amazingly on the same page as me.  This in itself is such a gift.  When we tried belonging to the Temple, I know he always felt like a fish out of water.  He did it for me - but it was forced.  The day I said we were done, he cheered.  With his Celtic background, this is so up his ally in how he was raised.  With the kids, I will share this with them, but we will teach them about lots of things.  They will know about all the religions that there family comes from and then probably some.  When they are old enough to know their heart, they will be able to decide for themselves what they believe.

Well, that is enough ramblings. 

 

 

My journey of self continues.  I have been reading everything I can get my hands on concerning Wicca, The Femine Divine, Shaminism.  I feel like I have come home.  So many of the words I read are like "Yes, that is what I already do/think/believe!"  And it is things that I have done/thought/believed over my life time.  For the first time, I am not hesistating in saying with confidence that this is where I am coming from and what I think.  It feels so good after literally years of trying to figure it out.  Nothing ever felt right and I was always trying something.  This is different with out knowing it, I have really been this basically forever.  Now I am just learning more of the specifics, which is awesome.  My thirst to learn is just endless.

The thing I am so comfortable about is that with Wicca, you pretty much can do whatever works assuming that it does not hurt anyone, including yourself.  I have always been a big "I am spiritual, but not nothing specific."  And the reason we "tried" Judiasm is cause it was somewhat flexible.  Again, that was not a fit.  Wicca, is big on being responsible for your own actions and what you put out, comes back to you.  Kinda like my Karma is a boomerang, lol.  I have also felt so strongly that even when I do not agree with other people's religions, that they have the right to believe what they believe.  Respect.  I can agree to disagree with someone and still like them.  Yet another YES moment is that respect of different religion is important.

I feel such a sense of joy and strength as I start out on my spiritual journey.  I feel liberated and empowered as a woman.  For me, finding the balance of female and male in myself and refusing to accept that women are born into sin, has freed me.  Everything in nature is balance and pretty much a female needs a male and vice versa.  It makes sense that this would apply to a greater power, for me.  If I could give a visual for how I feel about this, it would be the taoist Ying Yang.

"  Tao (pronounced "Dow") can be roughly translated into English as path, or the way.  It is basically indefinable. It has to be experienced. It "refers to a power which envelops, surrounds and flows through all things, living and non-living. The Tao regulates natural processes and nourishes balance in the Universe. It embodies the harmony of opposites (i.e. there would be no love without hate, no light without dark, no male without female.)"    "

 

 

That's all for now.  Kid's squabbling and not so peaceful, lol...

Yesterday I was reading The Tiniest Fairy to Sam and when I looked at her, she was leaning forward with her chin resting on both palms as her elbows leaned my my thigh. She was so engrossed in the story - her eyes pleaded for me to continue as they
sparkled with anticipation.

I started to get choked up as I read to her. I am not sure if it was her intensity or the sharing of a yule story with her or both- regardless, it was one of the moments I will never forget. As I read, I felt myself get the chills at several points and when I looked at my daughter's arms, so did she. (It is not cold in the house...)

As I continue on my journey of self discovery, I am finding that many of the things I read about Wicca, are already ways I lead my life.  There are so many things that are "YES" moments for me and/or things I have, or bought, or do.  It's like finding an old pair of shoes that you have forgotten about and putting them back on again.  Reading the story to Sam was definately a "YES" moment.

You Are 88% Thankful

You're an incredibly thankful person, and everyone around you feels very appreciated. You inspire people to be more optimistic, forgiving, and grateful.

 

http://www.blogthings.com/howthankfulareyouquiz/

http://www.llewellyn.com/free/mpq.php

 

Your Q Score is: 6

The Q score ideally should be as small as possible, indicating maximum agreement among elements. However, even a tiny Q score may not mean optimal functioning, since all four elements may in fact be relatively undeveloped.

Your Primary Mythical Creature

Water Types
The main strength of the Water types is feeling. The second element indicates the most probable focus for this emotional expression.

 

Your Shadow Creature

Air Types
All the Air types have problems relating to irrationality and trust. The weakest element indicates the main focus of these problems.

So Ben camped out for 36 + hours.  The deal seemed to be that the first 10 people were going to either get a unit for the PS 3 or a rain check.  He was number 7, so life was good.  Well at 5 o'clock I get a phone call telling me to get a sitter and get there ASAP.  They were extending the offer to the first 14.

I figured that it was in fates hands.  Either my baby sitter was going to be available or not.  I was not dragging the kids there for 7 hours.  Well, our sitter was available and I went.  Lady luck was on our side cause I got number 14! 

Once the units went on sale, the first 6 got PS 3 with 60 gb.  The next 4 were offered either a rain check or a PS 3 with a 20 gb.  (Obviously the 60 gb re-sells better, sometimes bigger is just better, lol...)  However, numbers 11-14 were issued a rain check and we are guarenteed a 60 gb!!!!!

Right now a 20 gb unit is selling for between 1000 - 2000 for a 500 investment.  The 60 gb is selling for about 1500 - 5000 for a 700 investment.  I am really hopeful that Ben's hard work will pay off.  It would be wonderful to be able to pay some bill off and everything I charged on the ccs for Christmas. 

One man there was going off on a tirade that it is wrong for people to sell them on Ebay and make mad money cause that means some regular kid won't get it on Christmas.  Well, I said that yeah, be that as it may, by doing this, my 3 kids will have what they want on Christmas.  We live in a country with free trade, so be it.  And you know what, anyone like Ben or  peope 1-6 who were there since Tues morning, deserve it!  They weather was a down pour with tornados wathces.  They were all outside in the rain, set up in tents.

Most the people there were very cool tho.  I had a lot of pizza delivered on Weds.  And then yesterday I brought by hot coffee for everyone.  Last night when I got my number 14 slot, they were all like, "hey it's the food lady!"

Here are some photos of the set up...

And I am his lunatic wife for allowing the following, lol... Ben is in line waiting at Walmart for the next 36 hours or so in order to be one of the very few who will be purchasing a Play Station 3 when they are released Friday morning at 12:01 AM.  You may have always wondered who the weirdos are who do that kind of thing... well now you know.

You Are a Peacemaker Soul

You strive to please others and compromise anyway you can. War or conflict bothers you, and you would do anything to keep the peace. You are a good mediator and a true negotiator. Sometimes you do too much, trying so hard to make people happy. While you keep the peace, you tend to be secretly judgmental. You lose respect for people who don't like to both give and take. On the flip side, you've got a graet sense of humor and wit. You're always dimplomatic and able to give good advice. Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul, Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/

 

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love. You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't? You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky. In fights, you speak your mind and don't hold back. You know you're right, and you can get quite angry about it. Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

http://www.blogthings.com/yourlovelifesecretsrevealedquiz/

I am very pleased to say that we shocked the heck out of my sister for her shower this past Sat.  My mom and I have been working on it for awhile.  When we first picked a date, I knew we had to come up with a way to throw her off track.  Lets face it, anyone who is getting married or having a baby for the 1st time is pretty sure that they will be getting a shower.  They look at there registries getting purchased and start looking at the calender as time marches on.

I decided the best way to throw her off was to give her bad information.  The real date of the shower was Sat Nov 11th.  I called her before my mom called her to say she had to come down that weekend.  In my best giving it a way tone, I told her we were having an Early Thanksgiving Dinner at Io e Tus on Sunday Nov. 12th and that she should bring a big car and her husband.  Io E Tus is the restaurant that I had my baby shower at, my cousin had her baby shower at and we had my sister's bridal shower at.  It hit her and she was like AHHHHHHHHHH.

It was then set she was coming down for the weekend.  My sister suggested that they go shopping for the baby that Sat and my mom said great that they'd have lunch too.  The plan was going perfectly!  See, my sister can bee a bit skeptical.  So fooling her was no small feat.  My mom also can't keep a secret to save her life, so this allowed for her to talk about the shower with my sister - only with no details of when and where.  My sister never needed to ask, cause she thought she already knew!  HA!

My cousins Andrea and Kara met me early to help me set up - altho many people got there even before us.  I teased them all that they should know better than to get to an affair our family is having early.  They are lucky we got there early, lol.  Ben helped too while the kids socialized.  After the surprise tho, Ben took the kids back to Andrea's house where her husband, my cousin B was with their kiddos.  All the kiddos get along very well and had a blast playing.  And that meant mommies got to eat their food in peace!  (Andrea and Kara are the female half of the cousins that I met up with at Knoebles a few weeks ago...).  Andrea, Kara and I sat with my sister, my mom, sister's MIL and a few friends.  I really enjoy hanging with Andrea and Kara and now my sister is closer and was there obviously cause it was her day, it was even better.  We got to eat and chat, in peace, which is such a treat!

When my sister walked in the room, her whole body turned crimson and she started beating on her husband, lol.  I knew we succeeded!  She was truly surprised.  Yeay!  The rest of the day was lovely.  Food was awesome, lots of fun people and my sister made out like a bandit.

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is medium. In general, you prefer to have only one love interest. But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long! There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering. Experience Level: Your experience level is high. You've loved, lost, and loved again. You have had a wide range of love experiences. And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is low. This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced. You know a relationship is not about getting your way. And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom. Cynicism: Your cynicism is low. You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance. No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter. You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate. And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon. Independence: Your independence is low. This doesn't mean you're dependent in relationships.. It does mean that you don't have any problem sharing your life. In your opinion, the best part of being in love is being together.

http://www.blogthings.com/thefivevariablelovetest/

I wonder if people who can derive pleasure and make mockery of PPD ever had a child?  I read something tonight at a place that I have not visited in well over a year - nor have I made random, anonymous comments either, BTW and was shocked or perhaps saddened to see that my PPD was a source of amusement.  I must give credit to the blogger in that they didn't actually bash my PPD, but their friends sure did.  Ironic because in the past I have found that some are offended when they are bashed by friends of another's blog.

I am proud of myself for recognizing my PPD and for getting help.  There is nothing to be ashamed about for a chemical imbalance after birthing a baby.  And I am now going back off the PP medication and am stronger and healthier than ever.  So if any fuck off losers are lurking in the shadows, shove that up your asses and spit it out your mouths.  Stupid fucktards!  What would have been better?  Say nothing and get worse?  Idiots.

What you put out comes back to you thrice.  I have NEVER intentionally tried to hurt someone.  I do not act out of malice.  Even when wronged, I have a heart and try to show kindness and compassion.  It is funny to be accused of having a big mouth by a herd of sheep of this place that I wish I did not visit tonight.  Aside from venting here about people IRL on occasions, I always speak in code and NEVER write anything that can identify them to someone they know IRL.  Well, with the exception of a certain occasion when I did speak to my mom. 

BTW, can I say how many times I have cleaned out my cupboard hoping to find the bottle of Tylenol 3?  Every time I clean the cupboard out, I hope the med is there.  I'd love for it to be and would have no problem apologizing.  I have 3 small kids, a husband and job to boot - trust me, there has never been a conspiracy.  The fact is that the med disappeared that day - from a locked place.  I only saw one other person in the place.  The person I thought took it, I did not think still read my blog.  I came to my blog to bitch and even so, used no name or detail that would give them away IRL.  I was shocked when I found it was gone - and appalled.  I came to vent.  AND...the fact is SOMEONE took it.  I would think most people in my place would connect the dots.  The person I suspect may have taken it swears up and down they did not take it - yet has never said one word to me - only to everyone else.  Yet, I have the big mouth?  I have said nothing to anyone.

Did anybody here know that my son is named after my uncle Paul?  My son is named Christopher Paul.

That's it for now,

Cowtits - oh wait, I mean Welee

 

Valley ~ 59% Water ~ 59% Wind ~ 66% Earth ~ 55% Fire ~

I have tripped into a valley that is blue 'til you can see Let’s see... your personality reminds me of the... ...warm Citrine that stands for abundance, protection and stability. Your colour is a dark yellow or orange. Interpretation: Out of the seven chakras, the Creative Chakra, which is associated with the element of earth and represents our need to preserve and grow, seems to be predominant in you. Though this guarantees you success in your job and in managing home and family, it may result in a materialistic outlook or becoming a workaholic. You can balance it by wearing an Amethyst; its illuminating attributes that activate the Crown Chakra help us recognise the big picture and gain a spiritual outlook on life. A Tarot references concerning your predominant element: If you are a young lass or lad and still unmarried your card is the Page of Pentacles. Young women, especially married ones, identify with the Queen of Pentacles, also known as the Queen of Diamonds. If you are a young, unmarried man, you are the Knight of Pentacles, and married or “mature” males are identified with the King of Pentacles, commonly known as the King of Diamonds. Ladies and gentlemen, here is your reliable man you’ve been looking for. These are the results you will get if you score highly on... None of the four elements: Balance Wind: Gust Fire: Blaze Water: River Earth: Valley Wind & Fire: Thunder Wind & Water: Clouds Wind & Earth: Canyon Fire & Earth: Lava Fire & Water: Tornado Water & Earth: Trees Wind, Fire & Earth: Storm Wind, Fire & Water: Stars Wind, Water & Earth: Forest Fire, Water & Earth: Avalanche All four elements: Harmony

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 15% on water You scored higher than 38% on wind You scored higher than 36% on earth You scored higher than 45% on fire

Link: The Elemental Balance Test written by Nitsuki on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

I do not understand why it is necessary to get the kids all bundled from neck to toe and then grab the umbrella when walking in a pretty warm rain.  This is what all the other parents do when dropping their kids off at school or the Y.  Well, not me.  We are the ones who walk and enjoy getting wet, laughing all the way.  And if we find a big puddle, we stop and jump in it several times.

Ben dropped Sam off this morning and before hearing my thoughts on the subject, he told me that he and Sam hit every puddle.  I guess that is why we are married, lol.

 

"Meow!!!!  Since my new Mommy isn't joining her friends with getting pregnant again, she adopted me!  Actually, I was chosen by all of the family to be the newest member.  I am super friendly and am so glad to have seen the back side of the SPCA.  I must admit tho that I am really a boy, neutered of course; however, Sam and Kit are convinced I am a girl.  Thus they named me Buffy.  It is either that or with a name like Buffy, they are certain no vampires will come around.  Hey, as long as they keep sneaking me the cat treats, they can call me whatever they want to!"

"Hey Carie, you might notice I do not have digits; therefor, I am not a raccoon." 

Life has a way of getting us to where we are supposed to go even when it is not always clear.  Many roads lately have gotten to the point where I am. 

For a long time, I have been searching for something - like religion, a hat to wear, a place to call home.  I tried to wear that hats that I thought should fit- but too often they just did not.  By my nature as a child and into my teens was always one of strong spirutality.  A clear sense of my purpose and right from wrong.  I had a strong connection to the earth and all of God's creatures.  For many years, I had always assumed God was a woman until I was told other wise.

I have been reading a wonderful book, called Dance of the Dissident Daughter, by Sue Monk Kidd.  I swear this book was written just for me!  It has reached and touched something inside of me.  It has helped me identify the missing or lost thing in me.  It makes sense why all these things are coming together at this point for me.  I am beginning a journey of self.

I have always believed that life is about balance.  The sad thing is on a most basic level, the femine balance has been lost.  It is so easy not to see cause the world is based on mostly man principles.  From the very beginning of the bible, women are born into sin.  Men are good.  Eve basically tricked Adam.  This is just the way it is.  But my stating this is not to have a theology discussion at this point, it is to explain where I am.  I do not see the feminine and masculine balanced.  I do not feel it.  There is a little girl/woman/crone in me screaming to be heard and not compliant.  I want to explore the Feminine Divine and all her gifts.  I am so familar with our masculine God - but I can't see how something as spirutual as God can be so biased.  Instead of searching to others for answers, I think by looking with in, I will be discovering my feminine stength.  Thru her/me, I will find a more balanced world.

For a long time I have said that my biggest problem is dealing with me when all are asleep and it is just me.  I suspect that is cause there is something lacking, hurting, missing and I am going to find it, mend it.  I am going to grow stronger.

No, I am not leaving my family to find some crazy cult where all we eat are protein drinks and my new name is Rainstorm.  But, I have pulled out my crystals and oil lamps with scented oils.  I am again wearing my agate for strength.  Instead of asking for persmission with certain things to Ben (BTW, not a rant on Ben... he is awesome and I love him!), I am explaining my feelings - even if that means we have to agree to disagree.  Good man that he is, he is open to where I am coming from and meeting me in the middle.  And I am stopping giving unimportant people, like work people the power to influence me, what I think of myself and caring what they think of me.  Think a mix of Green Fried Tomatos and Shirley Valentine and a hint of When Stella Got her Groove on.  The only difference is that unlike some of those women, my husband and kiddos are coming for the ride.

Other tid bits:

- We took the kids to My Little Pony Live on Thurs.  It was a hoot.  We then took the kiddos out for hot fudge sundaes.

- Thinking of getting a cat from the SPCA.  Kids and I are on board.  We are working on Ben.  The kids fell in LOVE with a white cat with odd colored eyes named Puff.  Due to a mix-up, there is one family ahead of us.  We were told his name was Buff so when the other family applied for Puff, they did not see our app and the other family was offered Puff.  (They did not show today tho to get him.  Stay away other family!!!)  Our second choice is either a gray tabby named Julia or a gray calico named Patches.  Fingers crossed Ben gets on board!!!!

- Sam peed on the basement floor tonight cause she was to lazy to go the toliet.  Needless to say, she was punished.  She went right to bed and was not to happy about it.  To freaking bad.

- Kit has taken to hoping  in bed with me at around 2 AM.  He says Momma is most comfy and Dada like Kit's bed best anyway.

- Susanna got her third tooth but in a weird place.  It is on the top left between where the front tooth should be and the eye tooth.  I think it is the top lateral incisor. Stange eh?

On that note good night!